Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

She can't even move on to the other 3 men in the world.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
I broke up with my long-time boyfriend for the fourth time yesterday. He’s a manipulator and a drunk and a narcissist but also fun and charming. I don’t have a lot of friends in this town, but I have joined some clubs and do some volunteering at an art gallery in order to see people. Seeing a therapist helps, and I also go to Al-Anon, but I don’t have a lot of friends here and I work at home. My ex has lots of homeless, unhealthy, alcoholic friends who hang out in the park. I am basically his job. He hangs out with me so he can afford his lifestyle of drinking in the park and still keep a roof over his head. I met him a few years ago in a larger city where he had normal friends and family members. He doesn’t speak to any of them anymore. He is no good, but I am kind of a weakling. Please advise.

—How to Make a Breakup Stick?

Report Reply to Post

Re: She can't even move on to the other 3 men in the world.

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    LW is taking steps in the right direction but needs to take it one step further. Years ago, I had a boyfriend like that, and what finally woke me up was hearing my then-sponsor say that he wasn't going to change unless he wanted to and ask me if I could live with that. I couldn't, so I broke up with him.
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't see the appeal at all. Why does she keep going back to this loser?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its

    "Please advise"?!?!

    Doing is harder than saying but stop. Just stop. Why does LW need Prudie?

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    Report Reply
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I'm glad she has a therapist, b/c she really needs to examine why she keeps coming back to someone who is treating her like shit.  Also, she just needs to move, change her number, and completely ghost this MFer from her life, since she can't seem to say no.  
    �
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    LW needs to focus on the bad of this guy and leave it - for good.  It sounds like they are broken up, but still living together?  I think Varuna has a good idea - moving, changing her phone number, AND ghosting the guy from her life.

    Report Reply
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Go to more meetings.  Get a sponsor.  Focus on yourself.  Stop being his job.  Kick him out.  Make him responsible for his own roof.  He'll never hit rock bottom if you catch him every time he falls.
    image
    Report Reply
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    AddieCake said:
    I don't see the appeal at all. Why does she keep going back to this loser?
    In my case, I felt worried about what would happen to him if I dumped him, and I was holding on to hope that he would change. 

    LW definitely needs to keep going to therapy and Al-Anon and do some reading on codependency.
    Report Reply
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    OurWildKingdom said:
    AddieCake said:
    I don't see the appeal at all. Why does she keep going back to this loser?
    In my case, I felt worried about what would happen to him if I dumped him, and I was holding on to hope that he would change. 

    LW definitely needs to keep going to therapy and Al-Anon and do some reading on codependency.
    Addicts are fantastic manipulators.  They can and will make even the strongest willed person feel guilt, remorse and regret.  It's part of what makes detachment so damned hard.
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards