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Church blessing?

Knottie1467580362Knottie1467580362 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
To make a very long, drawn out story short...  DH and I got married August 3rd, 2015.  We're very happy with the JOP wedding we had.  Talked about having a party for all our friends and family in the future maybe, but not really set plans before DH deployed. 

But now my parents are a bit antsy about the lack of church wedding. I'd tell them it's over, we're happy, but yeah.  It's my parents. Who are otherwise nice, reasonable people.

Would a small, close family and friends church blessing of our marriage be even remotely acceptable?  I'm thinking 10-15 people small.  My reading online is confusing me.  Some say it's fine, some say no, and far too many say have a whole new wedding. 

Now to rein my mother in.  Who would love the big celebration. No.
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Re: Church blessing?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Are you talking about a Catholic Convalidation?

    If so, you'll want to investigate with your parish / diocese to make sure that you and your DH are meeting the criteria.

    Beyond that I'm with you.   Keep it simple and small.   You chose a small wedding so own it.   But a party to celebrate the blessing of your union in the church is also lovely as long as you don't try to turn it into something that it isn't. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Do you want a church blessing?


    Both our parents would have preferred we had a Catholic Church wedding since both sides are active in the church.  We opted not to have one.   I would NEVER have one just to make them happy.  The ceremony is about US, not our parents.  We are happy with OUR choice and our parents just had to deal with that.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Knottie1467580362Knottie1467580362 member
    First Comment
    Sorry, tried to set an actual name up.  

    We aren't against a church blessing.  Yes, it would have been nice to originally get married there, but we made our choices based on what was right then.  And if we had to do it all over, the same choice is made.  Part of having to be an adult.

    We aren't Catholic, so that's not an issue. I understand why my parents think it's important. I think it's important, but I'm not sure if it's me speaking or just the pressure from my parents.

    So, have the small marriage blessing, take the family out for a nice meal - we can handle that.

    Thanks!




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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer


    sorry that's all I can think of from the title.

    to me you say that if you were doing it all over again you would still do it the way you did so doing the church blessing seems odd. you're an adult and are married, you don't have to give in to pressure. If you want to do it, that is fine, but I'm not sure I really see why other than giving in to parental pressure.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    Do you want a church blessing?


    Both our parents would have preferred we had a Catholic Church wedding since both sides are active in the church.  We opted not to have one.   I would NEVER have one just to make them happy.  The ceremony is about US, not our parents.  We are happy with OUR choice and our parents just had to deal with that.
    I'm also "that" parent.  My son and his wife chose a completely secular wedding, void of any prayer.  It was not about me, my faith, or my preference.  To be honest, I would have almost resented had they done it differently since it would not reflect who they are as a couple.

    OP, politely tell your parents that you are content with your choice.  Hopefully they will learn to focus on your marriage and the happiness you share, and not your wedding ceremony.  Perhaps you could celebrate with an anniversary dinner.
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    I'm with PPs.  Do you and DH really and truly want the church blessing?  Is it important to you as a couple, to your faith practice, (if applicable) to the future formation of your family? 

    If it is, I see no problems in the small ceremony you described and a follow-up lunch/brunch for those who could attend.  You've owned your choices, you're not hiding anything, and you're keeping it small.  Particularly if this would be something that would happen after your DH returned from a deployment, I personally would have no issue with what you have planned.

    Otherwise, if you want to share the big party experience with your family, I also see no problems start to squirrel away funds for a blow out anniversary party (sans redo wedding) to celebrate 5 years.
    image
    Anniversary


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  • scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Do you attend a church regularly?  If so, maybe ask if they could do a blessing during or after your normal service.  You could invite your small guest list to that service and go out for a meal after.  (I have no clue how that would work at a non-Catholic church, but it seems like a possibility.  I've seen anniversary vow renewals done that way during Mass.)
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If YOU and DH want a church blessing, then I think what you are thinking of doing is fine. As long as it is that- a blessing, not you and DH trying to re-do your wedding. Go for it.
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  • SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    SP29 said:
    If YOU and DH want a church blessing, then I think what you are thinking of doing is fine. As long as it is that- a blessing, not you and DH trying to re-do your wedding. Go for it.
    This is precisely my stance as well.  If the blessing is meaningful to the two of YOU, not just the parents, then go for it.  No big blowout party, no poofy white dress, no "first dance," etc.  But a simple religious blessing and lunch for a few close family members sounds just fine to me.

    Only     do this if it matches a deeply held religious belief that you and your husband want to honor, though.  Don't do it just because your parents wish you were held those beliefs. 
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