Not sure if this should be in Etiquette but I wasn't sure where else to put it....?
So we are going to Vegas for our wedding in October and I'm just not sure how to handle a situation. We invited just adults, with the exception of a family that has two kids (11 & 13) that are our neighbours, good friends and we generally spend a lot of time as a group. These people are also coming with us on our "Familymoon" to Disneyland two days after our wedding and making it a group trip. Just for the record, my kids are 13 & 17.
I also have a very close group of friends that are invited, however I did not extend invites to their kids for the simple fact that they go to Vegas all of the time and have never once take their kids. Not one of them. None of them even asked if their kids could come and the majority have already booked flights, hotels, etc. The thought to invite their kids never even crossed my mind.
So everything was fine until one of my friends (she is one that has not booked anything) came over to my house a few weeks ago. Now, this friend is my closest of all my friends. She is the Godmother to my daughter and has always been amazing. I love her dearly. Anyways, we were discussing the wedding plans and what we are doing while in Vegas. The conversation turned to the "Familymoon" and our plans at Disney. I can't remember exactly how it came up but I mentioned how my other friends family (they didn't know each other at this point but have since met) are joining us. She instantly got a look on her face, which I know all too well. She was put off by it. "Oh...... you're having kids at the wedding?". I said "well, yes, just the two of hers, plus mine". I also explained how they were driving down (we live in Alberta, Canada), bringing all of our wedding supplies, etc. Then the subject sort of dropped. Looking back on it, I'm not sure if she was put off by the fact there would be kids there or by the fact that I didn't invite her children as well (they are 4 & 7). I'm now thinking it was the latter.
Now fast forward to this past week. Her husband is an amateur photographer and was supposed to be doing our pictures. This had been planned since we announced our wedding date (October 2015). Funny thing is, we wanted someone local but honestly couldn't not ask him to do our photos. I know they would have been highly insulted had we not at least asked him. So, we've planned on using him since last October and have asked several times how much he would charge us (we would never expect him to do it for free). I know he has set rates for friends and family but my friend said "he wouldn't charge you as much as he does for others". Okay, great! How much?
So, I've asked him at least once a month since February. He kept putting us off stating that he's been too busy to sit down and figure it out but he's definitely doing the photos. Now, I have said probably a dozen times, if he doesn't want to do it and would rather just come to Vegas and enjoy his time, rather than working, then that's totally okay! We just needed to know so we could find another photographer. Nope, nope, he's going to do them. Finally, I mentioned it to my friend when she was over (the same day as the whole kids discussion) and she said she still wasn't sure what he would charge but would get him to call me. Well, he never did. Finally last weekend I saw her online and said please, we really need to know. It's less than 4 months until the wedding and we need to book someone if he can't do it. It's our last budget item that is missing and we really need to get it figured out. She said he's been meaning to call me but was busy. Then 1 minute later, the phone rings and it's him. "Thank you so much for asking.....it's an honour.....it would be great to take pictures in Vegas.....I've thought long and hard about it and I just don't feel I could do the pictures that you guys want....." Ummmm, okay? So, you don't want to do our pictures? "No". (We found and have since paid for a Vegas photographer, so not a huge deal I guess..)
Now, am I crazy to think one has something to do with the other? Are they upset that their kids weren't invited and in turn decide to "punish us" by not doing our photos? I know if I asked her she would say no, that's not the reason at all but I just have a feeling it is. I mean I love her kids and I honestly wouldn't care if she brought them but I never even thought they would want to considering they go to Vegas at least once a year and NEVER take the kids. Her kids are little and very, very busy. They love getting away to Vegas without them (their words, not mine lol). Before anyone mentions that it's because they weren't invited to Disneyland, she has been adamant for years that she will not take her kids to Disney until her youngest is at least 7 -- he's 4.
They haven't booked anything, while basically everyone else has. Not that I care if they book in advance. Heck, if they want to book the day before, then that's up to them but she is a BIG planner and does everything in advance. So that's another thing I'm wondering about. She mentioned that her sister in law is planning on coming out to watch the kids while they are in Vegas but now I'm wondering if she upset that her kids weren't invited and will maybe not come now? Or perhaps she will just come alone and the hubby, that is now not doing our photos, will stay home. I mean, that's up to them I guess and none of my business but should I talk to her about the whole kid thing or just leave it and let them make up their own mind? I'm just really not sure what to do about it. Yes, I probably shouldn't have invited some kids and not others but it was done simply because none of my friends ever take their kids to Vegas and the family that is coming is making a family vacation out of it.
Sorry for the long novel. I didn't intend for it to be this long lol