Wedding Etiquette Forum

Out of town kids only?

Hi Everyone! I need some thoughts on this.  We are getting married next year and are really trying to keep our invite list down.  Most of our guests will be coming in from out of town, some have young kiddos.  What are you thoughts on only inviting the out-of-towner kiddo's and not the local kiddos.  It will be easier for local folks to locate baby sitters for their kids versus out of towners.  I know this is a touchy subject because you are allowing for one but not the other.  

Part of what is driving this is my FH has some friends who have these 5 y/o twins that are absolute monsters and the little girl will scream and cry if she is not the center of attention.  I am not one who requires the spotlight at all but I don't want my guests to suffer because "she" isn't getting the attention she thinks she needs.  I know it sounds selfish but I am thinking more about my guests than anything since 70% of them will be traveling in.  

Re: Out of town kids only?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    bmbly10 said:
    Hi Everyone! I need some thoughts on this.  We are getting married next year and are really trying to keep our invite list down.  Most of our guests will be coming in from out of town, some have young kiddos.  What are you thoughts on only inviting the out-of-towner kiddo's and not the local kiddos.  It will be easier for local folks to locate baby sitters for their kids versus out of towners.  I know this is a touchy subject because you are allowing for one but not the other.  

    Part of what is driving this is my FH has some friends who have these 5 y/o twins that are absolute monsters and the little girl will scream and cry if she is not the center of attention.  I am not one who requires the spotlight at all but I don't want my guests to suffer because "she" isn't getting the attention she thinks she needs.  I know it sounds selfish but I am thinking more about my guests than anything since 70% of them will be traveling in.  
    I don't think there is anything wrong with allowing OOT guests but not locals to bring children. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    How many out of towners with kids are you thinking of?

    If it's not too much trouble, can you just call everyone and ask? Like, "We're planning our guest list and thinking about children. We're leaning towards having a child-free event, but recognize that it may be more difficult for you and our other out-of-town friends to attend if you couldn't bring your kid(s). What are your thoughts- we're happy to include your kid(s) if you want to bring them."

    It's just a thought. My DH, before we knew each other, was invited to a destination wedding in Jamaica. The couple chose a Beaches because they assumed their friends would need to bring the children. No one brought children- so they were kind of like, darn, could have chosen a Sandals / invited more people. 

    Anyway, I don't think it's out of line to want to curb the number of children for any reason, while acknowledging that you'd rather have some adults attend with kids than not have them there at all. 
    ________________________________


    [Deleted User]short+sassy
  • ei34ei34 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    H and I were at his cousin's wedding in March, and neither our children nor H's sisters children were invited (we're all local).  Two OOT cousins were there, with their children.  It made perfect sense to me.
    [Deleted User]short+sassy
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    bmbly10 said:
    Hi Everyone! I need some thoughts on this.  We are getting married next year and are really trying to keep our invite list down.  Most of our guests will be coming in from out of town, some have young kiddos.  What are you thoughts on only inviting the out-of-towner kiddo's and not the local kiddos.  It will be easier for local folks to locate baby sitters for their kids versus out of towners.  I know this is a touchy subject because you are allowing for one but not the other.  

    Part of what is driving this is my FH has some friends who have these 5 y/o twins that are absolute monsters and the little girl will scream and cry if she is not the center of attention.  I am not one who requires the spotlight at all but I don't want my guests to suffer because "she" isn't getting the attention she thinks she needs.  I know it sounds selfish but I am thinking more about my guests than anything since 70% of them will be traveling in.  
    Typically, if you do things "in circles" it is easier to justify.  Limiting children to OOT guests is a perfectly reasonable "circle" in which to make this choice.  Be aware, however, that the friends of FH may actually be the type to bring their children regardless of invitation.  It has happened to others; it has happened in our family.

    What you are considering is absolutely appropriate.  It just might not necessarily thwart one of your main considerations for doing so.
  • How many out of towners with kids are you thinking of?

    If it's not too much trouble, can you just call everyone and ask? Like, "We're planning our guest list and thinking about children. We're leaning towards having a child-free event, but recognize that it may be more difficult for you and our other out-of-town friends to attend if you couldn't bring your kid(s). What are your thoughts- we're happy to include your kid(s) if you want to bring them."

    It's just a thought. My DH, before we knew each other, was invited to a destination wedding in Jamaica. The couple chose a Beaches because they assumed their friends would need to bring the children. No one brought children- so they were kind of like, darn, could have chosen a Sandals / invited more people. 

    Anyway, I don't think it's out of line to want to curb the number of children for any reason, while acknowledging that you'd rather have some adults attend with kids than not have them there at all. 
    Very much appreciate your thoughts and insight.  We have family and close friends who are OOT's and want them to be able to come and not feel that their kiddo's weren't welcome.  Ages of the kids will be 11 months - 16 yrs.  We aren't going for an adults only wedding and as far as kiddos its probably less than 10-15.  Locally its about 8-10.  
  • MobKaz said:
    bmbly10 said:
    Hi Everyone! I need some thoughts on this.  We are getting married next year and are really trying to keep our invite list down.  Most of our guests will be coming in from out of town, some have young kiddos.  What are you thoughts on only inviting the out-of-towner kiddo's and not the local kiddos.  It will be easier for local folks to locate baby sitters for their kids versus out of towners.  I know this is a touchy subject because you are allowing for one but not the other.  

    Part of what is driving this is my FH has some friends who have these 5 y/o twins that are absolute monsters and the little girl will scream and cry if she is not the center of attention.  I am not one who requires the spotlight at all but I don't want my guests to suffer because "she" isn't getting the attention she thinks she needs.  I know it sounds selfish but I am thinking more about my guests than anything since 70% of them will be traveling in.  
    Typically, if you do things "in circles" it is easier to justify.  Limiting children to OOT guests is a perfectly reasonable "circle" in which to make this choice.  Be aware, however, that the friends of FH may actually be the type to bring their children regardless of invitation.  It has happened to others; it has happened in our family.

    What you are considering is absolutely appropriate.  It just might not necessarily thwart one of your main considerations for doing so.
    The circles thing is exactly what we are trying to do by doing OOT vs Local.  Especially since the kiddo's that really aren't welcome are local, I figured it would be a good way to keep them from disrupting everyone else's fun.  The youngest kiddo's on FH's side will be traveling with his Aunt and may possible be a flower girl.  He has no local family, just friends.  
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you are fine to just invite OOT children. Good luck!
    [Deleted User]
  • We extended invitation to children of those coming from OOT(only a couple families) but I thought this was fair. Those who are local have a better chance of finding a babysitter or family member to watch the kids. I think it is very acceptable to do this. Good luck!

    [Deleted User]
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