Ah, the never-ending questions that come with planning so much in so little time... I thank everyone who has answered any of my many questions. I actually have more that I just find the answers to by searching!
That being said, I have taken the advice to just accept my MOH's desire to throw a bridal shower. And more questions arise.
1) Who, if anyone, do/did you consult before firmly agreeing to a date for a bridal shower?
My MOH asked if there was anyone I wanted to consult about it, and my instinct was to ask my mother-in-law, as she adores me and was happily going on about a like-relative my age's shower she went to to me, so I thought I should ask. Now it's been a few days and I haven't had the opportunity, and it occurred to me that maybe it is more weird and gift-grabby to confirm that the date for a shower is currently available in her schedule. I had told my fiance to ask her for me, and now I'm thinking if I ask at all, maybe I should just send a casual quick text? Or should I just go ahead and tell my MOH the date is fine, and if it works for my MIL it does, if it doesn't too bad? The bridal shower would be in six weeks.
2) I'm really not sure the host realizes I'm supposed to open gifts at the shower, surprisingly. Should I mention to her that I'm supposed to if she's not planning it?
I don't want to do her planning for her. She said, "You can tell people they don't have to bring gifts if they don't want to, or say, 'no gifts,'" but she is calling it a shower. Should I leave it at "I'm supposed to open gifts," or should I help her out by suggesting she call it something else (specifically) or tell her about the games I've heard of to play during gift opening so it's more in line with what she's thinking? She wants to play bridal shower-style games, have decor, and serve some cake balls and maybe a few other cheap foods, but she doesn't want to do a meal. What would
you call that if not a shower?
Bonus Question: So... Has anyone dealt with the bride paying for all or parts of the shower?
I really was not expecting a shower in the sense of really even caring to have a shower, and I certainly didn't expect her to throw me one. Now she's done all this planning and she insisted I come over to tell me her ideas and we went over them, and near the end she implied that I would be paying for the paper invitations and said, "I don't mind covering the $75 for [the venue she chose]."
My mind was just, "Ohhhh.."
Which, props to her for covering even $75 for a shower. I would have just gone with a house. She didn't ask me about maybe just using a house. We could have used the house I live in probably, it definitely wouldn't have been convenient or ideal, but it would have been free. So yes, for her, a TON more than $75 would be a significant amount, I concur. I just didn't realize a bride would pay for a shower. ? My FI and I really don't have all of the likely costs for our wedding
covered right now, so I really doubt I have the finances for putting money into other things in general.
How much more could I be expecting to potentially pay for? Approximately 15, 20 guests max. I could break it down more if needed. She said we would go shopping for decor. I'm hoping either way I can keep saying things like, "We really don't need that much decor," "this really isn't a big deal," "we don't need stuff..." and try and swallow whatever ends up happening. I have no idea how to go about handling this. I really appreciate what she's doing, and I want to help where I can, but... yeah.
ETA: She's also wanting to host a "bride-to-be" party of sorts for me since I'm refusing a bachelorette party, but she has not decided on details yet. Do you think I should clarify beforehand somehow that I'd rather not pay for things with this? Thusfar she has told me that she plans to go and buy things for it and didn't request that I pay for them. I'm not really following her train of thought.
I was planning to host a fun, (very inexpensive) bridesmaids' evening at home in lieu of a bachelorette party myself (and invite them to incorporate any bachelorette-style things into that evening if they felt compelled to), so I can't say I wasn't planning to pay for any
pre-wedding party, but it's a hard pill to swallow with not even planning it myself and making the cheapest choices that way.