Wedding Woes
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Parents have me Heartbroken

I don't know where to start I just need to know if anyone else has had similar issues and how the coped. I got engaged July 4th 2015. I have spent hundreds of hours making my wedding fun beautiful and cost effective.  I am on a limited budget. I am three months out and I don't even feel excited because my parents are making me so upset. I will start with my father, he is a Vietnam vet and although he loves me an apathetic father. We don't talk much and he doesn't seem excited about my wedding and I am worried he doesn't want to walk me down the aisle. I am having a formal wedding party and cocktail or business casual guests. I have tried to discuss dress with my parents several times to deaf ears. He asked if he could wear jeans and I said no. I asked him to wear at least a suit. He told my mom I said khakis were okay which I didnt. I finally tried to compromise and told him he could wear dress slacks and a dress shirt that matches the wedding colors and tie. My dad is a large man and I just want him to get something acceptable ahead of time so I can see. I know I should be happy my dad is alive and coming but I don't understand why he can't be happy for me and suck it up for a few hours. 

My mother has has been driving me crazy from day one.  She started by buying random things that are orange just because they are orange and they don't fit style or theme at all. Or she found it at a yard sale or on clearance.  Then she gets upset if I don't want. She is 64 and has been sensitive lately and refuses to discuss anything that might be disagreeable it's like she is in a constant state of denial. I love her very much and she bought my dress and her and my dad are supposed to help cover food. My wedding is out of town in a remote location nearest hotel is 30 minutes away. I am having late afternoon wedding and there will be alcohol. They threw a fit when I got an entree for 10.50 a head and got finger appetizers.  They said I an getting too much food. I want people full and comfortable.  I digress... I have explained the seating arrangements to my Mom and showed her excel sheet of guest list. She has seen venue and it is outdoor with round tables for dinner and can only seat four. She wanted to invite a couple friends which I said was fine and extended family I didn't want to but did because she said they wouldn't come. Now she has six friends coming. I only have 78 seats minus wedding party and immediate family there are roughly 30 left which is really 15 if they bring a date. I only have 8 seats open now with my mom's friends occupying 6 seats. I have met five of them only once. I am so stressed because I am afraid we are going to have people show up with no room for them thanks to my Mom. My fiance held off inviting some people and now he cant. My mom got mad and told me she would just bring a folding table or pull up chairs. She doesn't listen at all when I try to explain why that is not okay. I feel terrible we are fighting and couldn't sleep last night. Please give me some advice. Am I a terrible daughter. 




Re: Parents have me Heartbroken

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    Thank you for writing, I really appreciate it!

    You are right about my Dad's clothes and more about feeling like he doesn't care. I am sure he does he just doesn't express them the way I expect.  
     Regarding the food, my Fiance and I told them we would pay for the food when that disagreement started. They insisted to pay for it. I think we will wind up doing it to prevent further discourse and potential leverage for them. 
    The invites are out formally but she kept inviting past what the venue can hold she doesn't think she should have to concede her friends.  I understand she may want their support or be excited but we don't know them. Also whenever I ask her to talk to family or friends she invited to get a head count she gets mad and just tells me to put them down. 

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    Ok I am going to second @monkeysip and say take one nice big long breath. HOLD IT! Blow it out slowly. Do it again.

    Now. I do understand that you are feeling disappointed that your family doesn't seem excited. Let yourself feel bad. Have a margarita (or two or three), and change your focus to the fact that you are marrying the love of your life. That is a great thing! Nobody will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are, so why not be as excited as you can possibly be about it?

    Your advice on these boards in regards to attire will always be to let people dress however they want. You mentioned that your dad is a large man. He may not be comfortable wearing a suit. Don't force the issue. He'll be much happier and have a better time if he is comfortable.

    I also agree with monkeysip that you should just cover the remaining cost of the food if your parents feel that the options you've chosen are too expensive.

    At the end of the day, your future marriage is what is important. Not the wedding. Not the food. Not the decorations or what your parents wore. Don't lose sight of that! I hope everything works out well for you.

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    Any advice how to approach the situation with seating with my Mom and to repair our relationship? 
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    I don't know where to start I just need to know if anyone else has had similar issues and how the coped. I got engaged July 4th 2015. I have spent hundreds of hours making my wedding fun beautiful and cost effective.  I am on a limited budget. I am three months out and I don't even feel excited because my parents are making me so upset. I will start with my father, he is a Vietnam vet and although he loves me an apathetic father. We don't talk much and he doesn't seem excited about my wedding and I am worried he doesn't want to walk me down the aisle. I am having a formal wedding party and cocktail or business casual guests. I have tried to discuss dress with my parents several times to deaf ears. He asked if he could wear jeans and I said no. I asked him to wear at least a suit. He told my mom I said khakis were okay which I didnt. I finally tried to compromise and told him he could wear dress slacks and a dress shirt that matches the wedding colors and tie. My dad is a large man and I just want him to get something acceptable ahead of time so I can see. I know I should be happy my dad is alive and coming but I don't understand why he can't be happy for me and suck it up for a few hours. 

    My mother has has been driving me crazy from day one.  She started by buying random things that are orange just because they are orange and they don't fit style or theme at all. Or she found it at a yard sale or on clearance.  Then she gets upset if I don't want. She is 64 and has been sensitive lately and refuses to discuss anything that might be disagreeable it's like she is in a constant state of denial. I love her very much and she bought my dress and her and my dad are supposed to help cover food. My wedding is out of town in a remote location nearest hotel is 30 minutes away. I am having late afternoon wedding and there will be alcohol. They threw a fit when I got an entree for 10.50 a head and got finger appetizers.  They said I an getting too much food. I want people full and comfortable.  I digress... I have explained the seating arrangements to my Mom and showed her excel sheet of guest list. She has seen venue and it is outdoor with round tables for dinner and can only seat four. She wanted to invite a couple friends which I said was fine and extended family I didn't want to but did because she said they wouldn't come. Now she has six friends coming. I only have 78 seats minus wedding party and immediate family there are roughly 30 left which is really 15 if they bring a date. I only have 8 seats open now with my mom's friends occupying 6 seats. I have met five of them only once. I am so stressed because I am afraid we are going to have people show up with no room for them thanks to my Mom. My fiance held off inviting some people and now he cant. My mom got mad and told me she would just bring a folding table or pull up chairs. She doesn't listen at all when I try to explain why that is not okay. I feel terrible we are fighting and couldn't sleep last night. Please give me some advice. Am I a terrible daughter. 




    JIC
    Wedding Countdown Ticker





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    If invites are already out then your mom is in the awkward position of having her friends turned away at the door. Explain to her that only people on the guest list, aka has an invitation, will be allowed in the venue. Then she can call her extra invites to tell them they can't come.
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    Ditto PPs on the advice. I just really wanted to send you an internet hug because I can tell how sad and stressed you are, and my heart goes out to you. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    I'm surprised that your invitations have already been sent out (3 months is too early). If they hadn't, you could have negotiated your Mom's guest list i.e. taken some people off of her list and added her co-workers. That being said, I agree with @ernursej. She needs to know any people she invites by word of mouth will not be accommodated. Sorry you are going through this.
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    No one has mentioned it, but this is one of those - if you want it bad enough "is it a hill to die on" things...  If you want your Dad to wear a suit - "Hey Dad - what are you doing Saturday?" nothing "We're going to go somewhere - I'll be there at 9"...  and go someplace that he'd buy jeans from that also sells suits (JCPenny, Sears, Kohl's, Walmart - yes, Walmart sells a basic suit!) and pull out your credit card...  A friend of mine just did a vow renewal this past weekend - wearing a Camo shirt and Dickies pants (He's retired Navy)..  The important detail is that he's there, not what he's wearing!  What he wears is a reflection on him, not you...
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