Have not met best man

horselover2017 · June 2016

I have not met my fiance's best man. I talked to him over skype. He has not officially asked him, but he knows that's who he wants. I was thinking he should've had this other guy who is in the wedding party to be his best man as I have known him for a few years and he is also his best friend plus he lives in town. His best man lives half way across the country and is slightly hard to get a hold of as he doesn't use facebook or social media except for skype. I'm happy he has such a great friend, but hope it won't be awkward at the wedding since we've never met.

Have any of you never met the best man?

charlotte989875 · June 2016

horselover2017 said:

I have not met my fiance's best man. I talked to him over skype. He has not officially asked him, but he knows that's who he wants. I was thinking he should've had this other guy who is in the wedding party to be his best man as I have known him for a few years and he is also his best friend plus he lives in town. His best man lives half way across the country and is slightly hard to get a hold of as he doesn't use facebook or social media except for skype. I'm happy he has such a great friend, but hope it won't be awkward at the wedding since we've never met.

Have any of you never met the best man?

If he lives far away it's not that weird that you haven't met. Why would that make it awkward at the wedding?

You pick your own bridesmaids and let him choose his best man and groomsmen. I'd stay out of this if I were you.

JaxInBlue · June 2016

Agree with charlotte. His best man = his call. You knowing him is not a requirement. DH's best man was someone I was not very close to at the time we were married. Heck, I'd probably only seen his brothers 3-4 times since we all lived in different states. Don't make an issue of this.

Heffalump · June 2016

horselover2017 said:

I have not met my fiance's best man. I talked to him over skype. He has not officially asked him, but he knows that's who he wants. I was thinking he should've had this other guy who is in the wedding party to be his best man as I have known him for a few years and he is also his best friend plus he lives in town. His best man lives half way across the country and is slightly hard to get a hold of as he doesn't use facebook or social media except for skype. I'm happy he has such a great friend, but hope it won't be awkward at the wedding since we've never met.

Have any of you never met the best man?

Not your call, and where he lives and his social media usage are completely irrelevant.

How would you feel if the situation were reversed, and your FI was trying to override your choice of MOH?

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

I second @charlotte989875. It's not your place to choose his GM. You pick your BP, he picks his. It's apparent this guy means a lot to your FI and you wanting to exclude him because you haven't met him could cause some issues. Just

OliveOilsMom · June 2016

I don't get the vibe from your post, but I hope you aren't concerned about the distance because this guy may not be able to fulfill his BM role in the wedding. All this guy needs to do is show up in his designated outfit, mostly sober and ready to smile for pictures.

If you are hoping to have a local BM because he can be around to help assist with wedding planning, wedding setup, or even throw his bachelor party, etc., than change your thinking now. No one needs to help plan your wedding but you and your FI. Pre-wedding parties thrown in your honor can be offered by anyone - doesn't have to be MOH or BM.

Let your FI pick his side and you stick with your side.

Also, while I wasn't the bride, my friend was and she had not met someone in the WP until he arrived for the RD. He lived a plane ride away and she had never met him until he arrived for the wedding. He was always a part of her now H's "crew", so there was no way they could marry without him being in the WP. And I honestly don't recall if this particular guy was a GM or BM, which goes to show that this doesn't really matter, as long as if this is someone your FI wants by his side on your wedding day.

horselover2017 · June 2016

I'm staying out of the way. I let him decide on that - it's his job to ask. I'm thankful he has friends as I've been with a guy previously who didn't have a lot of friends. I was just wondering if anyone has not met their fiance's wedding party as well?

flantastic · June 2016

horselover2017 said:

I'm staying out of the way. I let him decide on that - it's his job to ask. I'm thankful he has friends as I've been with a guy previously who didn't have a lot of friends. I was just wondering if anyone has not met their fiance's wedding party as well?

It's really not a big thing. As the bride, you end up talking to everyone at the wedding all day anyway - it's not like you'll be stuck in some super awkward conversation forever with this guy just because he's the best man. You can always excuse yourself to say hi to someone else. I'm not sure what you think the issue created might be. @AddieCake didn't meet a good number of her H's family until the wedding (like, mom and brother) if I remember correctly? Everything worked out fine. It's not a tell for your relationship, or a logistical issue, or an issue at all.

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

I haven't met one of FW's bridesmaids yet because that BM lives in another state, and she hasn't met one of mine because that BM has an erratic work schedule (retail in a 24-hour big box store) and some health issues. I don't predict any issues; in fact, I gave the green light to FW's BM staying at our house, possibly even arriving a week or two early.

AddieCake · June 2016

I don't see how it affects you whether or not you've met him. I also don't see why it matters where he lives.

As Flantastic said, because of geography, I didn't even meet my husband's mother, brother, or sister until the night before our wedding. I didn't meet his father until 2 years later.

This is is a non-issue.

artbyallie · June 2016

FWIW, I barely got to spend any time with even my own side of the wedding party at our wedding, let alone his. And his best man was probably the one on his side that I knew the least well, since it was a friend he grew up with. I could count the number of times I had seen him before the wedding on one hand... including at his own wedding, which we attended a few months before ours. So not a big deal.

dyerwise · July 2016

I don't think it is weird. I do think guys are weird.

When FI told me who he wanted to be his GM's I was surprised because they were 3 friends from college he hardly ever sees or talks to(and we do see them he complains about how immature they can be). He wanted a 4th person to have even sides (even though I told him this was NOT required, he is very insecure about the giving perception of "not having friends", that is his deal). He kept asking me if I thought it would be weird or awkward if he asked so and so or so and so. I eventually told him it was his choice to make and I thought he had chose already was kind of weird because we never see them! He said "That's how guys work... all the GM's are people they knew for college, it is their oldest friends!".... eventually he decided to round out his 4 with one of his friends that he talks to regularly but lives in KY and I've never met him...or even talked to him.

I'm excited to met him because I know they are good friends and I don't think it will be weird at all.

MCmeow · July 2016

Yup just be confident he chose the people he wants to honor. I don't know my fiancé's groomsmen very well either.

ILoveBeachMusic · July 2016

I had only met H's best man and one groomsman once and for very short times. No big deal. Over the years, I have gotten to like them both very much.

Knottie64138652 · July 2016

My husband's best man was his younger brother and we didn't know each other that well because the hubby and I were long distance UK to US for our entire relationship except a couple trips over. He wrote a beautiful best man speech though that was so sweet I nearly cried. I had spent such little time with him but he noticed the difference in his brother and that's what counts. You and his best man are the closest two people to him probably and knowing how happy you make him will keep it from being awkward! Even if it is trust me on your wedding day you wont notice! (Edited out TOS violation).

cowgirl8238 · July 2016

One of my BM's and longest time friend has been living in Hawaii for nearly six years. Although we speak regularly, it is nearly impossible for us to travel back and forth to visit in person. Almost everyone met her for the first time at the RD. It was not strange or awkward. My other two girlfriends (who knew each other) and SIL (who I am close to but didn't really know any of my firends) were all just fine when we all met up. Although not besties by the end of the weekend...we all had a great time getting to know each other.

onefootinthebayou · July 2016

I had met only 3 out of 9 of H's groomsmen before the wedding. I don't understand why this is an issue. Meeting new people is a normal part of adult life and it's not always practical to meet everyone important to your SO before the wedding if we're all scattered about the country with adult lives and responsibilities. I never thought twice about it, seems like a non-issue.

Knottie1460327909 · July 2016

My fiancé's best man I have talked to maybe twice. I expected him to pick his cousin/roommate to be his best man, but he didn't. Guy relationships are often different than girls so we don't always see who our fiancé sees for that role. Ultimately he gets to choose this one. Plus the best man doesn't do near the amount of work that a MOH does so he doesn't need to be close by at all.

Greenjinjo · July 2016

Knottie1460327909 said:

My fiancé's best man I have talked to maybe twice. I expected him to pick his cousin/roommate to be his best man, but he didn't. Guy relationships are often different than girls so we don't always see who our fiancé sees for that role. Ultimately he gets to choose this one. Plus the best man doesn't do near the amount of work that a MOH does so he doesn't need to be close by at all.

What work does a MOH need to do? Other than turn up at the right place on time in a pre determined attire relatively sober I can't think of anything!

Knottie1460327909 · July 2016

Greenjinjo said:

Knottie1460327909 said:

My fiancé's best man I have talked to maybe twice. I expected him to pick his cousin/roommate to be his best man, but he didn't. Guy relationships are often different than girls so we don't always see who our fiancé sees for that role. Ultimately he gets to choose this one. Plus the best man doesn't do near the amount of work that a MOH does so he doesn't need to be close by at all.

What work does a MOH need to do? Other than turn up at the right place on time in a pre determined attire relatively sober I can't think of anything!

She doesn't need to do anything. My MOH will be out of the country for the six months leading up to my wedding so her role will be to show up and sign as a witness. I'm referring to the tone of the original message about the best man being far away. A lot of MOH do put in extra time and I know several brides who have selected a different MOH because the one they were originally thinking of couldn't be around to help with planning (a bit bridezilla-ish to me, but whatever). Even in the case of a bridezilla, the best man generally just plans the bachelor party, so I'm saying that the location need not be a concern to anyone regardless of your views on the roles a bridal party should play.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2016

Pfft, if you are so consumed with a strange man on your wedding day that it makes you uncomfortable, then you might want to rethink the whole marriage thing.

For real, you won't even notice he is there. More important things will be happening. Let your FI pick who he wants, short of Trump or something.

Musique174 · August 2016

Let him pick who he needs to be his shoulder to lean on. The maid of honor and the best man are there to support the bride and groom respectively. You wouldn't want him to decide who your maid of honor would be. Give him the same respect.

My maid of honor lives across the country, and my husband had met her once. But it made no difference to our wedding. I couldn't have imagined my wedding without her by my side and she was my rock. He supported my decision and in the end got the chance to get to know her in a really special way.

If he does choose him. Take this as an opportunity to get to know this new friend. You will always get to remember that it was the wedding that introduced you, and that is a pretty special start.

If you are really worried about it, feel free to voice your concerns. But don't suggest that he should pick someone else, you don't want your marriage to start out with you correcting him. It will undermine his confidence and make him second guess everything.

Best of luck. Oh and BREATHE, it will all be okay. The important thing is that you love him, and at the end of the day you will have confessed this love to all your friends and family and pledged to help uphold and support each other.

Have not met best man

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