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I'd *love* to hear the son and FI's side on this.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
My oldest son is engaged to who I thought was a lovely, upstanding girl. I admit the wedding details have been difficult and they had to change the dates twice due to family illness and other events, but I never thought they would secretly elope. Apparently last week, my son called up his brother and told him to come down to City Hall. They were going to get married with no family, no priest, only a clerk and some of her college friends. My son’s wife said the wedding was too stressful for her to deal with. I only found out because I overhead my youngest son telling his girlfriend about it! I am very hurt. I was denied and lied to. Neither of them know that I know and the thought of continuing to plan the charade of this wedding with my now daughter-in-law just makes me ill. Should I confront them or just go through with this charade?

—Had a Wedding Without Me

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Re: I'd *love* to hear the son and FI's side on this.

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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I'm sure LW was very overbearing or at least MOB was being overbearing.  But it seems like they are now planning a PPD.  I would make it known that I know and that regardless of how planning was going, I am very hurt to be lied to. 

    I think LW needs to get over the fact she wasn't invited to the actual wedding.  Many people elope and family members just need to accept they weren't there to witness it.

    I also wonder if LW was pushing a religious wedding on the couple when they don't believe anymore. 

    Also, why is this solely the DIL's fault????

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    missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
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    I know my mom would be incredibly hurt if she didn't get to see me get married. For real marrried. I know this and I imagine LW's son knew this.

    LW should let them know she knows. I would recind any offer of financial help for the PPD. She should move on because there isn't a lot that can be done after the fact but I think hurt feelings are valid.
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    DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    @OliveOilsMom it's DIL's fault because sons never do wrong, obvs!
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    Ooo I was looking forward to this post after reading Prudie and delving into the comments. 

    Prudie missed the boat with her advice. If word is getting out about the couple's courthouse wedding, then good. People will know they're invited to a celebration of marriage. And if they had to go do this courthouse thing, then the mother was probably a big part of the problem! Mother should take a hint and step back and let them plan their own celebration of marriage (hopefully without the PPD elements). 
    ________________________________


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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    I'm not a Mallory fan when it comes to her wedding advice; she also seemed to think the potluck wedding was ok in the previous letter the other day.

    She's part of the You Don't Get It crowd.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    I'm not a Mallory fan when it comes to her wedding advice; she also seemed to think the potluck wedding was ok in the previous letter the other day.

    She's part of the You Don't Get It crowd.
    So much this.  I tried arguing it in the comments and got the predictable "Couples today don't believe in your stuffy old customs, man.  We don't let the man keep us down, man."  And I was very clear that I don't care if the wedding is in a downtown ballroom, country club, county park, or the couple's backyard, as long as guests are hosted well--no BYOB, no BYOfood.  A few commenters were on my side, but the majority were not. 

    As Trump himself would say, "sad!"
    �
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