Wedding Woes

Yeah, this is why anonymous strangers can be a good thing.

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I have failed to conceive for years. After the emotional roller coaster we’ve been through, we finally settled on having my (gay) brother be a sperm donor. This is something my both of our families support, and we are very excited about going through with. However, as the appointment for fertilization nears, my wife and brother have gone from close to almost inseparable, talking about “their” future child. I feel shut out of my own marriage. This baby is all we’ve ever wanted and now I want to tell her that we shouldn’t. I’m jealous and anxious and I don’t know what to do.

—Three’s a Crowd

Re: Yeah, this is why anonymous strangers can be a good thing.

  • Speak up now. 
  • At first I read that as the wife's brother being the donor, and I was thinking "is that even genetically safe to conceive a baby with your own brother's sperm?" 

    But then I read it again and it makes more sense now :)

    he he needs to speak up, being a donor usually means you give up parental rights, so in no way should it be "their" (the wife and brother's) child.  It will be the wife and husband's child, he needs to make it known that that is how he wants it, otherwise that's setting things up for an eternal family disaster. 
  • If he can't be honest with his wife about how the jealousy is affecting him now, how will they be able to communicate through the more difficult parts of parenthood?
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