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DH Being Asked To Plan Bachelor Party...

SubwaylovesSubwayloves member
100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
in Pre-wedding Parties
My best friend since I was 2 is getting married in September. DH is also in the wedding party, mainly as an extension to me and the groom does not have many close friends. The best man is on the other side of the country, and the other groomsmen are also SOs bridesmaids, and DH is his closest friend out of these. Last night, the groom texts DH and asks if he will plan his bachelor party. He wants it the same night as brides bachelorette (in 2 weeks), and said to just invite the same people that were invited to DHs bachelor party (who I'm not sure are all invited to the wedding).
We are the people in the group that usually organize the get togethers, and kind of the connection between all the friends in our group, so I understand why it would make sense to ask him. However, there are the issues stated above, and we've already spent well over $500 on this wedding/related events, and can't afford to finance this party too. It is doubtful that others would be willing to chip in, as most are more mine/DH/brides friends than grooms. I do feel bad that he may not have a bachelor party otherwise, but at this point, DH doesn't have the time or money to actually plan this. I feel like this would've been the perfect situation for the groom to just say "having a guys night out" and not call it a bachelor party.
I am also worried at saying no will cause the bride to be angry at me, as though I love her, she has been a little crazy about the wedding process. Ideas on how to either redirect into a "guys night out", or plan a bachelor party with little to no money?
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Re: DH Being Asked To Plan Bachelor Party...

  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    This groom is acting like a baby. Can your DH just say "Kinda swamped with ______ right now but I'm sure we can grab a beer that night."?


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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2016
    kimmiinthemitten said:
    LondonLisa said:
    "Unfortunately, we simply don't have the money to host a bachelor party, but I'd be happy to meet Groom at a pub for a few beers and a guy's night" then just leave it. They've got an awful cheek to throw this on you! 
    How is this different than a bachelor party?  If FI wants too, it doesn't have to be elaborate. He could shoot out text messages to meet at x bar for it. 
    The groom's idea of a bachelor party might be more elaborate (though not often as elaborate as a bachelorette party). My brother's friends took him golfing, for a steak dinner, then to a strip club (those can get expensive; here in Ohio there's usually no cover but there may be a drink minimum).
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Subwayloves said:
    My best friend since I was 2 is getting married in September. DH is also in the wedding party, mainly as an extension to me and the groom does not have many close friends. The best man is on the other side of the country, and the other groomsmen are also SOs bridesmaids, and DH is his closest friend out of these. Last night, the groom texts DH and asks if he will plan his bachelor party. He wants it the same night as brides bachelorette (in 2 weeks), and said to just invite the same people that were invited to DHs bachelor party (who I'm not sure are all invited to the wedding).
    We are the people in the group that usually organize the get togethers, and kind of the connection between all the friends in our group, so I understand why it would make sense to ask him. However, there are the issues stated above, and we've already spent well over $500 on this wedding/related events, and can't afford to finance this party too. It is doubtful that others would be willing to chip in, as most are more mine/DH/brides friends than grooms. I do feel bad that he may not have a bachelor party otherwise, but at this point, DH doesn't have the time or money to actually plan this. I feel like this would've been the perfect situation for the groom to just say "having a guys night out" and not call it a bachelor party.
    I am also worried at saying no will cause the bride to be angry at me, as though I love her, she has been a little crazy about the wedding process. Ideas on how to either redirect into a "guys night out", or plan a bachelor party with little to no money?
    Just as brides are not entitled to showers or bachelorette parties unless someone volunteers to host them, the groom is not entitled to a bachelor party unless someone offers to host it.  The groom was completely out of line to ask this.

    Do not allow yourselves to be bullied into hosting this party.  Lots of men don't have bachelor parties, and if they do, they don't get to plan them.
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  • SubwaylovesSubwayloves member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    Subwayloves said:
    My best friend since I was 2 is getting married in September. DH is also in the wedding party, mainly as an extension to me and the groom does not have many close friends. The best man is on the other side of the country, and the other groomsmen are also SOs bridesmaids, and DH is his closest friend out of these. Last night, the groom texts DH and asks if he will plan his bachelor party. He wants it the same night as brides bachelorette (in 2 weeks), and said to just invite the same people that were invited to DHs bachelor party (who I'm not sure are all invited to the wedding).
    We are the people in the group that usually organize the get togethers, and kind of the connection between all the friends in our group, so I understand why it would make sense to ask him. However, there are the issues stated above, and we've already spent well over $500 on this wedding/related events, and can't afford to finance this party too. It is doubtful that others would be willing to chip in, as most are more mine/DH/brides friends than grooms. I do feel bad that he may not have a bachelor party otherwise, but at this point, DH doesn't have the time or money to actually plan this. I feel like this would've been the perfect situation for the groom to just say "having a guys night out" and not call it a bachelor party.
    I am also worried at saying no will cause the bride to be angry at me, as though I love her, she has been a little crazy about the wedding process. Ideas on how to either redirect into a "guys night out", or plan a bachelor party with little to no money?
    Just as brides are not entitled to showers or bachelorette parties unless someone volunteers to host them, the groom is not entitled to a bachelor party unless someone offers to host it.  The groom was completely out of line to ask this.

    Do not allow yourselves to be bullied into hosting this party.  Lots of men don't have bachelor parties, and if they do, they don't get to plan them.
    I fully agree with this, but it is hard to just outright say no to someone you're close to when they ask for something like this. After talking to my friend, I think groom was just more getting at wanting to hang out with everyone and wasn't trying to force someone to host a party for him. Just don't think he realized that calling it a "bachelor party" may have not been the most appropriate term.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I just can't wrap my head around the audacity of someone to actually call/text a friend and ask them to plan a party. 

    I'm glad this worked out, but I would be seriously shocked if someone in my life was this pushy. WTF is wrong with people?
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    STARMOON44 said:
    Yeah I think this groom just sounds a bit lonely tbh. I'd just pick a bar, text a few guys and ask if they were free, and meet up. 
    This. I mean yea it's rude to ask someone to throw you a party with such short notice. I think we can all agree on that.

    But if your DH is free that night and wants to go out, I don't see it as costly or a big deal for him to say "ok, all I have time to plan is dinner and going to the bars, is that cool with you?" So he texts the guys and says "dinner at ____ and bar hopping for (groom) next Saturday." And everyone just pays for their own food and drinks. 
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  • SubwaylovesSubwayloves member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    southernbelle0915 said:
    STARMOON44 said:
    Yeah I think this groom just sounds a bit lonely tbh. I'd just pick a bar, text a few guys and ask if they were free, and meet up. 
    This. I mean yea it's rude to ask someone to throw you a party with such short notice. I think we can all agree on that.

    But if your DH is free that night and wants to go out, I don't see it as costly or a big deal for him to say "ok, all I have time to plan is dinner and going to the bars, is that cool with you?" So he texts the guys and says "dinner at ____ and bar hopping for (groom) next Saturday." And everyone just pays for their own food and drinks. 
    Yes that is definitely what it is. The only friends he really has are friends that are through my friends. That is basically what is going on- DH is going to just make a Facebook event telling everyone they will be going out to bars downtown and whoever wants to meet up can. 
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kimmiinthemitten said:
    LondonLisa said:
    "Unfortunately, we simply don't have the money to host a bachelor party, but I'd be happy to meet Groom at a pub for a few beers and a guy's night" then just leave it. They've got an awful cheek to throw this on you! 
    How is this different than a bachelor party?  If FI wants too, it doesn't have to be elaborate. He could shoot out text messages to meet at x bar for it. 
    Usually grooms do not pay for anything for their stag do. And often will include a nice dinner/drinks/ entertainment that the groom's portion is paid for by the hosts. So by making it clear it was no-host guys night it manages expectations instead of shocker when the bill comes. I find it's usually best to be clear about paying expectations beforehand 
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