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Wedding Etiquette Forum
WestCoastGirl05
member
Wishy Washy +1's
Hello Ladies,
So this has now happened twice and I'm not quite sure how to approach the situation. My wedding is taking place on Sept. 10th, and the RSVP deadline we set was for today, August 1st.
Because my FI and I had extra room on our guests list, we decided to give a +1's to some of our friends, even though they are not in serious relationships. Now two of those friends have confirmed, but they cannot seem to get confirmation from their would-be dates. They have both asked if we can just "hold the extra spot". On the one hand it doesn't feel like that big of a deal because we did a lot for the extra space, but on the other hand, I'm annoyed because we are paying by the head, and we do need to give a final head count to our caterer. Do we just "assume" that those extra dates will show up and count them in our final count "just in case", or do I say "too bad so sad" to my friends?
It should be noted, that I'm sure I'll be getting this from a few more people as well, and I just want to have a prepped response for those who may be in the same situation. I can't very well tell some people yes and others no. Can I?
Thanks ladies, I appreciate all your feedback.
So this has now happened twice and I'm not quite sure how to approach the situation. My wedding is taking place on Sept. 10th, and the RSVP deadline we set was for today, August 1st.
Because my FI and I had extra room on our guests list, we decided to give a +1's to some of our friends, even though they are not in serious relationships. Now two of those friends have confirmed, but they cannot seem to get confirmation from their would-be dates. They have both asked if we can just "hold the extra spot". On the one hand it doesn't feel like that big of a deal because we did a lot for the extra space, but on the other hand, I'm annoyed because we are paying by the head, and we do need to give a final head count to our caterer. Do we just "assume" that those extra dates will show up and count them in our final count "just in case", or do I say "too bad so sad" to my friends?
It should be noted, that I'm sure I'll be getting this from a few more people as well, and I just want to have a prepped response for those who may be in the same situation. I can't very well tell some people yes and others no. Can I?
Thanks ladies, I appreciate all your feedback.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wishy Washy +1's
"Hi friend, we need to have numbers in by X date at the latest so please let me know as soon as you can".
Why was your RSVP date so early?
Most caterers want a soft number maybe a month out and a hard number about 10 days out. Can you push back with your caterer on giving them a hard number so early?
My place of employment often serves as a wedding venue. We need final catering numbers 72 hours before the event. Anything more than about a week is unnecessary.
So I think you need to say to those wishy washy that you need to know by X date and after that time you'll put them down as a no.
We always get "soft" numbers before that (normally a month out and then again 14 days out.) For those who do not know, soft numbers is the number of "yes" + the number of outstanding RSVPs on a given date. The soft numbers gives us an idea of how many guests to expect.
I also have never heard of a caterer who will not allow you to add people to an event. Even in the days leading up to the wedding, let alone 6 weeks out. Hell, they haven't even ordered the food that far out, let alone starting prepping the food.
I agree with everyone else. 6 weeks is way too far out to RSVP.
Three options (the first you should do anyway and the other two as backup).
1. Keep trying with your venue.
I'm guessing table count won't change much if guests come. Ask if you can give them head count within 5 and exact table count 30 days out and if you can give them exact head count 10 days out.
2. Give your guests the real deadline.
Tell them "I need hard numbers for the venue on August 10th. So I need to know by then if they are coming. If you don't know by this date I will mark them as a no.
3. Just give them the place holders.
If they end up not bringing dates it really sucks because you're paying for people who aren't there, and they weren't even people you had to invite to begin with. But it's the nice thing to do.
I've rarely worked an even that didn't have last minute cancellations. Your venue knows this and is making more money from you has a result. Because there is absolutely NO reason to need hard numbers that far out. None at all.
Trust me, I've worked for various different companies in various different cities, states and even on remote islands. My own venue we had to rent everything from a place 1.5 hours away. Not even the rental company needed hard numbers that far out. Soft numbers are needed to get an idea. Hard numbers? No.
Sorry they are being this way with you.
That said, I find it hard to believe they will not let you add numbers between 1 to 30 days out. I mean, who turns away business like that?
I would call your venue and explain the situation. I had an 100 year old guest who had good days and bad days. My venue let me add her up until the day before the wedding even though final numbers were do 72 hours out.
I will say my favorite one though has been the place we wanted to use for a "Going Away Brunch" the next morning - they actually wanted a final head count two weeks out. We ended up just nixing them as an option - the idea that you could have any "real" idea of who will in fact show up to a day after brunch is just preposterous! Half the ones I've ever been invited to I didn't show up to because I was too hungover to get out of bed!!