Weekday wedding

CraftyG · August 2016

So with our venue, which we're using for every aspect of the wedding, we were planning on getting married on a Saturday but we can book it for a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday and get everything that we would on a Saturday but for 4K cheaper so we're definitely playing with that idea now!

The money saved will be amazing and we can use that to host everyone in a better way and include more guests. With enough notice everyone should be able to book it off of work but we're aware not everyone may be able to come, as for children our oldest will be around 12 so that could also be an issue with them having a day off school but that's down to them and their parents to decide. All of our guests are anywhere from ten minutes drive to a 2 1/2 hour drive from the venue but the majority are around 20 minutes away.

My question is are there any etiquette blunders that we would be making or issues that we haven't thought of by say holding it on a Monday instead of a Saturday?

STARMOON44 · August 2016

Hahahaha. What?!? You think in any way it's better hosting for your guests on Monday than Saturday? And that somehow you'll be able to include more guests? I mean, I guess you can actually invite a lot more people because they won't come. I don't care how much notice you give me, I wouldn't have any trouble taking the day off, but I wouldn't do it. Because I'm not blowing a vacation day to save you money.

If if I got an invite to a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday wedding I would assume that you don't actually care if I can come and I wouldn't make any effort to do so. If it started at 7 and was less than half an hour from my office, I'd go, and leave at 9:30 at the latest. If you're thinking this will be a big fun party with lots of people and drinking and dancing, I think you are wrong.

crowsgirl15 · August 2016

Etiquette-wise, there's nothing wrong with a weekday wedding. But I would never attend a weekday wedding, even if it was across town. In addition to having to work the next day...I'll be exhausted from work THAT day...and I would never use a vacation day or an off day to attend a friend's in town wedding. My vacation time is precious.

Als, Starmoon is right. You are not going to have more guests on a weekday, many more will decline, so I'm not sure why that's part of your consideration.

AddieCake · August 2016

People do it, but it's not ideal. Fridays are better for most people if it can't be on the actual weekend. Is there any savings on Friday from your venue? If you do it earlier in the week, be prepared for more declines.

londinium215 · August 2016

As PPs have said, there's nothing wrong from an etiquette perspective if you want a weekday wedding. I'm going to a Thursday wedding next month and I'm looking forward to it - however, the only reason my husband and I are going is because I'm a bridesmaid.

When you have a weekday wedding, you are asking your guests to take a minimum of one day off work. I'm not sure where you're located but when I worked in the US, I had 15 vacation days, which was more than some of my friends. There's no way I would use that time to go to a wedding unless it was, like, my sister getting married.

If you're hoping for an intimate wedding though, then a weekday wedding may be the right choice: you'll have significantly fewer people coming.

geebee908 · August 2016

It's just going to come down to which would you rather have-- your guests be able to attend the wedding or the 4K? You'll need to accept that you'll have a large decline rate if you have it on a weekday.

charlotte989875 · August 2016

My sister for married on a Wednesday BUT it was New Year's Eve and many people already had they day off. She and her Now-H both have jobs that shut down the week between Christmas and New Years, and all of the VIPs were good with it.

Just know there will be many more people that decline, and expect the party to end pretty quickly after dinner.

CraftyG · August 2016

AddieCake said:

People do it, but it's not ideal. Fridays are better for most people if it can't be on the actual weekend. Is there any savings on Friday from your venue? If you do it earlier in the week, be prepared for more declines.

Stuck in box

From what I remember Fridays are the same price as a Saturday and Sunday wedding and a Thursday wedding would be around a 3K saving with mon, Tues and weds being a 4k saving.

Thank you for all the helpful opinions! We're not saying we will be doing a weekday wedding but with the money we would be saving it's something to consider.

ernursej · August 2016

I'm having a weekday wedding but I made sure that my VIPs were okay with it first. The majority of my guest list is shift workers and those that regularly entertain clients on weeknights. For my shift workers, it was actually easier for them to get a random weekday off than a weekend. Several of my guests did say that they really appreciated the idea of a quick weekday wedding as then they didn't have to tie up a weekend if they weren't working. Most of our guests that don't work weekends go away on weekends so we aren't taking away a weekend from them. We are starting everything at a time when most people would be finished with work, having a quick ceremony, quick cocktail 'hour' and then dinner only. I fully expect to be done by 9. For our guest list, this worked.

We haven't gotten our RSVPs yet, but from what I've heard verbally, we will only have 3 declines out of the 50 that are being invited. One is in London for business (would have been there had we used either weekend bordering the day we picked) and another who is having a scheduled c-section the week before. I was prepared for several declines, but it didn't happen.

I don't think it works for everyone but it is working for us.

Edited for extra ideas.

Jen4948 · August 2016

There's nothing wrong, etiquette-wise, with scheduling a wedding on any day of the week, but people are less likely to attend weddings that are scheduled for weekdays, so any "special deals" you get from vendors are offset by the probability that fewer people will be there than at a weekend wedding.

ei34 · August 2016

CraftyG said:

So with our venue, which we're using for every aspect of the wedding, we were planning on getting married on a Saturday but we can book it for a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday and get everything that we would on a Saturday but for 4K cheaper so we're definitely playing with that idea now!

The money saved will be amazing and we can use that to host everyone in a better way and include more guests. With enough notice everyone should be able to book it off of work but we're aware not everyone may be able to come, as for children our oldest will be around 12 so that could also be an issue with them having a day off school but that's down to them and their parents to decide. All of our guests are anywhere from ten minutes drive to a 2 1/2 hour drive from the venue but the majority are around 20 minutes away.

My question is are there any etiquette blunders that we would be making or issues that we haven't thought of by say holding it on a Monday instead of a Saturday?

That's all you'll save for a Monday night wedding?? Jeez by me it was a good $8,000 or so more to have a wedding on a Saturday vs. a Friday.
Part of a good guest experience is convenience, and I'm not sure how convenient a weeknight wedding is for everyone on your guest list. But you know them better than me of course.

flantastic · August 2016

I would only bother with a weekday wedding for a sibling, travel or no. It's not technically bad hosting, but you'll have very few people to host.

LondonLisa · August 2016

CraftyG said:

So with our venue, which we're using for every aspect of the wedding, we were planning on getting married on a Saturday but we can book it for a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday and get everything that we would on a Saturday but for 4K cheaper so we're definitely playing with that idea now!

The money saved will be amazing and we can use that to host everyone in a better way and include more guests. With enough notice everyone should be able to book it off of work but we're aware not everyone may be able to come, as for children our oldest will be around 12 so that could also be an issue with them having a day off school but that's down to them and their parents to decide. All of our guests are anywhere from ten minutes drive to a 2 1/2 hour drive from the venue but the majority are around 20 minutes away.

My question is are there any etiquette blunders that we would be making or issues that we haven't thought of by say holding it on a Monday instead of a Saturday?

Honestly, I hate weekday weddings and wouldn't go unless you are my closest friend or sibling. They scream "my venue vision is more important than your ability to attend".

I think the problem is people try to have a Saturday wedding on a weekday, when inherently they are completely different. I am not going to enjoy taking 2 days of leave to dance on a Monday night. I would take a casual weekend wedding over a super fancy Monday wedding, any day.

If, on the other hand, you got married at 6, had simply had a nice restaurant dinner at 7 and it was over by 10:30, I would be ok, but I am not going to have a complete knees-up on a Monday no matter how much you save. I don't care how much "better" you are going to host me, no amount is going to make up for the fact that you made me take 2 days of leave.

It is a false economy that you say you will be able to host more guests, because more guests are likely to decline. I would honestly say do everything in your power to have a weekend wedding, even if it is more casual and BBQ.

A monday wedding (unless you and most of your guests don't work M-F) is just SO inconvenient. And if the only reason is so you can have a more formal wedding, them that is putting your vision ahead of your guests.

lyndausvi · August 2016

I think this is a know your crowd type things. I've attended 2 weekday weddings. Both of them were in the restaurant business as was the majority of the guests. So it worked out great for their guests because getting a M-W night off is easier than Thursday-Sunday

If your crowd are mostly Monday-Friday workers than it might be more of an issue for them. I wouldn't want to "waste" a PTO day to attend a local wedding.

banana468 · August 2016

I think success with this is crowd dependent. If your guests are working M-Friday then this is asking them to use vacation time. If they're shift workers or on a different schedule (my brother for example works days but in retail. Weekends are when they make the most) a day wedding could work.

I'd plan your wedding day based on what's most convenient to guests. Then let THAT dictate the kind of wedding you have.

WinstonsGirl · August 2016

I had a Monday wedding. But it was over Spring Break (lots of teachers) and in Hawaii, so people were taking time off to travel and the day didn't matter.

That said, I couldn't attend a weekday wedding, unless it was over school breaks. As a teacher, I get 2-3 days off per year, and I have to pay for my supply teacher (about $300). After that, I also lost my pay and my pension for that day on top of paying for the supply. There's nothing against it etiquette wise, but you do need to know your crowd as PP's have said.

To me, having the people you want there is more important than the $4000. Cut back in other areas to save that cash and allow more people to celebrate with you

CraftyG · August 2016

I should have said that about 90% of the guests are shift workers or self employed, myself included, so in theory it's easier to get a random weekday off than a weekend which is another reason we're playing with the idea. We've also budgeted for the full Saturday wedding day so the thought was that we could take that extra money and put it into other areas of the day.

I completely blanked about the theme of the day having to be changed from a Saturday wedding to a weekday wedding, thanks ladies you're giving me lots to think about!

Sherbie25 · August 2016

WinstonsGirl said:

I had a Monday wedding. But it was over Spring Break (lots of teachers) and in Hawaii, so people were taking time off to travel and the day didn't matter.

That said, I couldn't attend a weekday wedding, unless it was over school breaks. As a teacher, I get 2-3 days off per year, and I have to pay for my supply teacher (about $300). Affter that, I also lost my pay and my pension for that day on top of paying for the supply. There's nothing against it etiquette wise, but you do need to know your crowd as PP's have said.

To me, having the people you want there is more important than the $4000. Cut back in other areas to save that cash and allow more people to celebrate with you

You have to pay for your supply?! My god, and us UK teachers think we have it bad! (Things aren't great for us either!)

WinstonsGirl · August 2016

Sherbie25 said:

WinstonsGirl said:

I had a Monday wedding. But it was over Spring Break (lots of teachers) and in Hawaii, so people were taking time off to travel and the day didn't matter.

That said, I couldn't attend a weekday wedding, unless it was over school breaks. As a teacher, I get 2-3 days off per year, and I have to pay for my supply teacher (about $300). Affter that, I also lost my pay and my pension for that day on top of paying for the supply. There's nothing against it etiquette wise, but you do need to know your crowd as PP's have said.

To me, having the people you want there is more important than the $4000. Cut back in other areas to save that cash and allow more people to celebrate with you

You have to pay for your supply?! My god, and us UK teachers think we have it bad! (Things aren't great for us either!)

Yup, first 2-3 days (you can carry one over from a previous year for a max of 3), we get paid, but pay for supply. And we can't tack those days onto holidays of more than 3 days, so since we got married over spring break (5 days off) and I took off the Thurs/Fri before the wedding so we could fly down, meet the coordinator and get our license, I couldn't use my 2 days. I had to use personal leave, which cost me my pay, the cost of supply and my pension for those 2 days. I think it tacked just over $1000 plus pension onto the wedding cost. I get why they do it. We get a lot of time off already. It just always happens to be high season.

englishrose-2 · August 2016

I'm self employed and can get weekdays off as long as I know long enough in advance so I know not to accept any client bookings - but i do lose income, and I slightly resent it costing me money so that the bride and groom can save.

I think I would go to a Monday wedding, but I wouldn't be impressed, especially as my fiancé would not want to take a day off as annual leave so I would have to attend alone.

Have it on the Monday if you want but have your eyes open as to what kind of wedding it's likely to be.

Good luck whatever you decide!

SP29 · August 2016

Not against etiquette, but know your crowd. Be sure to check the date wit your VIPs.

Unless as you say a weekday works better for your guests due to their work schedules, expect a higher decline rate. Expect to not have your ceremony until after traditional business hours (i.e. 5:30pm or later). Expect to have guests leave early.

When we were looking at venues, the difference between Fri and Sat was 15%, which really only saves the tax. Not a huge savings, so I get that. But.... unless the date really works for your guests, I don't know that a Monday is worth 4K. It often requires some form of vacation time for guests, whether that be an afternoon off or the day before, day of and day after for travel.

One of my friends got married on a Friday. Ceremony was at 5:30pm. Many guests arrived *just* before the ceremony started. Sure, you could say they should have planned better and arrived earlier, but that would mean taking time off work, which was the issue for most guests. And even though it was a Friday, most of the guests left by around 11pm, even though the B&G had the venue/DJ until 1am (which is common for the weddings I've been to across Canada) because they were tired from being up since 6am and working. Something to think about.

crys-crys · August 2016

I've been to Friday weddings and grumbled about it, but they were family or close family friends. I've been to one Monday wedding but that was my best friend. I had no problem doing that for her because I was excited she was getting married after a long engagement plus it was a small, low-key affair. She actually had a Monday wedding specifically because she didn't want a lot of people to attend.

AddieCake · August 2016

crys-crys said:

I've been to Friday weddings and grumbled about it, but they were family or close family friends. I've been to one Monday wedding but that was my best friend. I had no problem doing that for her because I was excited she was getting married after a long engagement plus it was a small, low-key affair. She actually had a Monday wedding specifically because she didn't want a lot of people to attend.

I don't get this. If she didn't want them to attend, she shouldn't have invited them. I'd be more offended by this if I found out than if I hadn't been invited at all. It says, "Ugh, I guess I'll invite you, but I really hope you don't come."

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