this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Woes

This is why FB can be the devil.

Dear Prudence,
I have a cousin who was very close to our family—like a brother to me. When he was 10, his family borrowed $30,000 from my mother to save their failing business. We weren’t wealthy: The money came from a settlement after my father’s death that was meant to care for us children. Our parents drew up the loan together and set up a payment plan. Then my aunt and uncle vanished from our lives and never paid my mother back. I recently found my cousin on Facebook. We are catching up, but he believes we abandoned him without cause in his childhood. He has no idea what actually happened. I hate the anger he feels toward my mother, as my mother was heartbroken when his parents disappeared. Do I tell him what happened?

—Cousin Thinks We Abandoned Him

Re: This is why FB can be the devil.

  • Assuming you are both adults, and you're prepared for him not to believe you and for there to be a lot of hurt feelings, then yes go ahead. 
  • Too many questions....how did they vanish?  Did they up and move or just stop answering phone calls?  How does LW know their mom told them the real story?  What story is the cousin telling?

    I'm not 100% sure I'd tell cousin the story I heard; he already has resentment and probably won't believe the LW.  I'd just say it's between our parents and I'd like it stay that way.  If LW wants to continue the relationship with the cousin, they need to say that that relationship is important, but they can't sit around while their mother is bashed either.
    image


  • I'm not 100% sure I'd tell cousin the story I heard; he already has resentment and probably won't believe the LW.  I'd just say it's between our parents and I'd like it stay that way.  If LW wants to continue the relationship with the cousin, they need to say that that relationship is important, but they can't sit around while their mother is bashed either.
    I agree.  This happened when they were kids. They were impacted by it, but not a part of it.  So reconnecting can happen, but if they both can leave the past in the past.  

    Also, there's NO WAY I'd discuss this with said cousin via FB if they continue to have a relationship.  That is an in-person conversation and it's a careful conversation of, "this is the situation as *I* understand it." 
  • Ooohhhhh, i could've written this letter. The only changes are that it was my second cousins (or first, once removed? So confusing) and the money was borrowed from my grandparents. Repeatedly. For gambling debts. 
    However. My cousin and I have reconnected on FB and don't mention the drama at all. I assume she knows and I assume she knows that I know.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards