Yeah, IDK how you wouldn't feel hurt.

Re: Yeah, IDK how you wouldn't feel hurt.

• missJeanLouise member

  

  August 2016

  This makes sense to me though I would be cautious if mom isn't as strict and DD is just using it as an excuse to get out of the house. Dad has every right to be hurt but he shouldn't take it too personally. Talk to mom, see what she thinks, asks questions about parenting styles, and issues that don't normally come up in the summer (homework, curfew, dating, etc). If it sounds like a safe and encouraging enviroment, then send her on. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  August 2016

  Set a time to sit down and talk to Mom and daughter separately. Get on the same page with mom as to rules and expectations about behavior. Talk to daughter about why she wants to change now, and communicate the rules you both agreed upon. 
  
  Unless there is a reason daughter can't live with mom, it might be good for daughter to be able to make a decision and experience living with her other parent. But that doesn't mean LW can't be sad and hurt. 

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• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  August 2016

  Assuming Moms home is a good, safe place for daughter, sorry Dad, this isn't about you.
  
  My cousin has 3 kids.  About 4 years ago their mom moved to Texas and they moved with her.  They came back every Christmas and summer, they Facetimed, they emailed, they sent cards.  He worked his ass off to not let the distance hurt their relationship.  Last summer his son moved back and this summer his daughters are moving back.  They just miss their dad and want the same one on one time they have had the last few years with their mom.  
  
  Of course LW is going to be hurt, but it sounds to me like he has raised an independent young woman who isn't afraid to ask for what she wants, and that's something to be proud of.

  
  

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• bleve0821 member

  

  August 2016

  A similar situation happened to a couple of characters in a book I read called Big Little Lies, by Liane Moriarty.  But that was fiction, and this is real life. The parents also lived in the same town. The book was great, btw.
  
  I'm going to play devil's advocate here and just throw out that teenage girls, however they may act and treat their parents, do actually need their moms.  She may be reaching an age where relating to dad is becoming awkward and potentially uncomfortable and she wants more of a female figure in her life.  Dad is allowed to be hurt, that's a very healthy reaction, but it doesn't sound like Mom lives close enough to accommodate the daughter's wishes if this is actually the real reason.  Joint custody clearly isn't an option.
  
  I mean, it was super weird having "the talk" with my dad, and forget about telling him I had my first period.  There are just some things a girl needs her mom for that a dad, no matter how good a parent he is, isn't as well-equipped to handle.

  
  

  "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
  

  --Philip Pullman

  
  

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• kvruns member

  

  August 2016

  my first thought was that mom has a less strict/more fun house and she thinks it will be more like living with a friend than a parent. that would be a big decision to move away, although I guess we don't know which parent is the one who initially moved away so it could be she has friends/family where mom is.

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  August 2016

  Without knowing more, I'm thinking this might be a "grass is greener" kinda thing.

  As a kid, my parents didn't do the every other weekend thing, we just called Dad and hung out with him whenever we wanted to and there was no formal arrangement. I wanted to live with dad. No reason other than the typical "mom is mean" kinda crap every kid thinks. I lived there for like a week and it sucked. I had a bedtime and chores and shit.

  But I agree with you, Mrs.Conn that it would be impossible not to feel hurt but I hope LW can understand that it's fairly normal.

  
  

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• AuntFlo member

  

  August 2016

  As usual, we don't have enough info from the LW. I want to know the reasons behind the original custody agreement. It seems extreme, which makes me wonder what the mom's deal is and if she's really ready for full time parenthood.

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• glasgowtolondon member

  

  August 2016

  It has to be a grass is greener situation. My experience with my own teenge years and my friends was that we clashed with our mums constantly. Much more so than our dads. If daughter can have a close or even just good relationship with her mum during her teens then more power to her. I do feel for LW though, has to sting.

               

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• VarunaTT member

  

  August 2016 edited August 2016

  I also agree with not enough info.  My biomom took me to "visit" away from my grandparent who had been awarded custody.  While I was "visiting", she convinced me I wanted to live with her.  It's pretty hard as a kid to say "no" to your parents on big issues likes this.  It's really hard for me to look at this LW w/out using that lens.
  
  ETA:  I also kind think it's BS to say that she just needs her mom more.  Dad is perfectly capable of teaching her the things she needs to know about physically being a female, and even mentally.  Neither sex is blessed with "sharing knowledge."  My BFF in HS mother's conversation but sex and femalehood was, "You know all about that stuff,r ight?" after BFF had been taking Mom's tampons for 2 years.

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• spockforprez member

  

  August 2016

  AtomicBlonde said:

  A similar situation happened to a couple of characters in a book I read called Big Little Lies, by Liane Moriarty.  But that was fiction, and this is real life. The parents also lived in the same town. The book was great, btw.
  
  

  So good. She just released her new one and I've got about 8 hours left (audiobook) and the suspense is killing me. I love her!

  
  

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