Wedding Party

How to not insult my maid of honor (who makes dresses)

My best friend makes dresses. They are nice dresses but not quite my style and usually on the more expensive side. When I went to buy a wedding dress, I know she really wanted to make it for me but I knew that it would be out of my price range and I also didn't know what I wanted. I had no clue what style or anything. I tried on a bunch of dresses and found one I liked and it was on sale so I got it instead of having her make something similar for me. I was also partially worried that I would be mad at her if it didn't come out exactly how I would have wanted it, so in my mind I was saving the friendship and reducing stress on my end and checking a box off my list. I liked the dress, it was on sale, done! Then I didn't have to worry about the dress anymore. With everything else going on, I also didnt want the added stress of wondering how it was going to come out while I waited weeks for her to make it. She was really really upset that I didn't ask her to make it. I feel bad, but I love the dress I got.

Now I want to ask her to be my maid of honor and I am worried she will expect me to have her make all my bridesmaids dresses. She did this for another friend's wedding. My bridesmaids live all over the country and I was just going to choose a dress company and a color and tell everyone to pick the style they want in the color, and that would be it. But I am concerned she will also get very upset because she will want to make all the bridesmaid dresses. I want my bridesmaids to be able to pick a dress that they would wear again (or have the option of renting) and I want the colors to match and I want it to be easy.  I am concerned (I hear some horror stories about clients from my friend) that if I have my friend make the dresses, if any of my other bridesmaids don't like the custom dress she makes, then it will cause drama. I am also concerned it will be very expensive for my bridesmaids to get custom dresses made instead of picking a style they like off the rack from one of these dress companies and be done with it.

Does anyone have any ideas for how to placate my friend? or a compromise?  I just want her to be in my wedding party, but I know if I tell her to buy a certain dress she will get really upset that she isn't making something for everyone.

Re: How to not insult my maid of honor (who makes dresses)

  • geebee908 said:
    If you tell your bridesmaids a color (or color range) and fabric type, that might suit everyone. Your MOH could make her own if she wanted and the other BMs could get what suits them in their budget where they live. 

    As far as soothing the MOH's ego, I'd just say that you'd like everyone to be able to choose their own dress from wherever they feel comfortable purchasing.
    So much this.
  • If friend offers, "Oh friend, that is so thoughtful that you would offer to make the bridesmaid dresses. I appreciate the offer, but I don't want to use friends as vendors as I want to make sure I can stay objective. So did you see the latest episode of x?"
  • It sounds like she's not offering to make these dresses for free as a gift.  To me, that's a pretty solid out right there.  Let her know you appreciate her talents and maybe she'd like to make her dress, but you don't want to ask other bridal party members to spend that much money.

    It seems strange to me she would be so hurt over you not using her while she's planning to charge you what she would charge anyone.  *shrug*  I have a friend who is starting up her photography business.  We hired a professional.  She was really hurt we did not ask her to do it and mentioned it would be free as a gift.  We wanted her to not have to work, and honestly, I don't know enough about her work, so we hired someone else, but I knew she wouldn't ask us for money.  Just weird...
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would tell her, "It's kind of you to offer, but I'd prefer that you just participate in my wedding as a good friend. Also, I'd prefer that everyone in the wedding party be able to wear dresses they like and can afford."
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