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Wedding Invitations & Paper
Knottie1440106606
member
Is it necessary to list the grooms parents name on the invitation of they're not contributing?
I mailed wedding invitations out a few weeks ago and I found out my future mother in law is not happy with the way I did the invitations. She's upset because my parents are the only names listed on there and not the grooms parents. The thing is, the groom side isn't contributing anything...The father is divorced with his mom and remarried and doesn't have a great relationship with my fiance. Not only is he not contributing, he's not even planning on attending the wedding (which was his choice, since we did extend an invite to him). The mother also isn't contributing anything at all, nor am I asking her to. But since we started planning this wedding, she wants things done her way as if she were helping to pay for it. I find this to be very frustrating, especially since I've been nice in trying to keep her updated on my plans with the wedding, which I know I do not have to do.
When I made the invitations, I reviewed them with fiance and he approved. It wasn't until he spoke to his mom and found out she was upset, was when he said his moms name should have been on there. Which made me more upset because he was fine with it until he spoke to her. He's not really stressing it, but she is clearly not happy and I'm currently mad at the both of them because I feel like all of this is unnecessary stress, and it's not fair.
When I made the invitations, I reviewed them with fiance and he approved. It wasn't until he spoke to his mom and found out she was upset, was when he said his moms name should have been on there. Which made me more upset because he was fine with it until he spoke to her. He's not really stressing it, but she is clearly not happy and I'm currently mad at the both of them because I feel like all of this is unnecessary stress, and it's not fair.
I looked up a few etiquette tips online about this, and I got some mixed feedback. However a lot of sites agreed that whoever is hosting/paying for the wedding is who's name should be listed...at the end of the day, this shouldn't even be a big deal! but It's still frustrating to have her be upset, because after all she's his mother, and I'm trying to keep a good relationship, but I feel like it's impossible to please her. Was I wrong for not including his parent's name?
Best Answer
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ILoveBeachMusic
member
Hosting does not equal paying. Hosting is the person/persons who are receiving RSVPs, keeping track of RSVPs, being a person that guests can go to with questions, helping plan the wedding. It doesn't sound like FMIL is doing any of these things. You did nothing wrong not putting her name on the invitation.
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Re: Is it necessary to list the grooms parents name on the invitation of they're not contributing?
dad's full name and mom's full name cordially invites you to the wedding of their daughter "xxxx" to "xxxxx" and so on.
No, she didn't need to "BE" on there and she's not hosting but who does it hurt? NO ONE.
I'd apologize at this point though and tell her you meant no offense. The woman raised your FI. I hope that's enough of a reason to put her on there.
Booh to your fi for okaying the invitations and then back tracking after it's too late to do anything about it.
OP, you didn't do anything wrong, but at least understand why MIL is upset. As a guest, I could not care less who is listed on the invitation and honestly don't even notice that part. I just want to know who is getting married, when, and where. But it matters to some parents of the couple to be listed.
And yeah, booh to your fiancé on this one.
Dude needs to own his decisions and not blame you for the ones that piss off his mom.
Is your FMIL doing any of the work of hosting - e.g., acting as a guest contact, greeting guests at the wedding, receiving responses to invitations, and making the arrangements that ensure that the guests' needs are provided for? If she's not, then regardless of how much she is or isn't paying, her name does not belong on the invitations as a host.
I agree with you that the time to deal with it was before you made the invitations, not after, and your FI and his mother's waiting until then to register a complaint isn't fair to you. And if she's that unpleasable, I think you need to stop trying and set some boundaries: "FMIL, I'm sorry you don't like the invitations, but it's too late to change the wording now [if it is]. I'm not open to discussing this anymore. Please consider the invitation wording a closed subject."
And if she keeps trying to control the plans without paying, you can tell her, "Thank you, FMIL, but FI and I have decided to do X instead." And if that doesn't work, your FI needs to tell her, "Mom, only those who are paying for the wedding get a say in the plans. Since you aren't doing that, it's strictly up to me and FI [and her parents] how things go."
No, you were not wrong in your wording. Your are being traditional.
Your FMIL is being ridiculous, and she is wrong. Will she admit it? Probably not. You can't win this one. Just keep your head up and let it go. You can't win this one, especially without your FI to back you up.
Wedding invitations are not playbills, and being listed on one is not an honor.
And sorry, but I do think that it's ridiculous to insist on being listed on an invitation when one is not a principal or acting as a host (which is not the same as contributing financially). If one wants to be listed as a host, then one needs to actually be doing the work of hosting. Otherwise, one needs to get over not being listed as a host.
Question: Exactly how does not being listed on an invitation as a host, when one isn't doing the work of hosting, equal "not being part of the family event" when presumably one will be attending the wedding and reception and perhaps participating in and hosting wedding-related events and participating in photo shoots?
It's done if anyone is not happy just say: its My wedding, IT's my day, i'm doing it how i want it, This is what i wanted, i love they way i did it, or aren't they beautiful?
Nobodies business how you did things, of course your fiance is going to agree with his mom, it's his mom. Mine will have nobodies names but our own, if my family is mad, then THEY should have made the invitations their selves.
Is it necessary? No. Is it awful to omit? No. But it's not wrong to put it on there and it's incredibly dismissive of MsOG out there to tell them to just get over it.
The program (if one is in use), not the invitation, is the place to "recognize" anyone. And mothers of grooms (and for that matter, any other family members of the couple) are not entitled to "recognition" at their children's weddings simply because they share DNA with one of the couple.
Also, by the time the invitation goes out, it's too late to make changes. Anyone who is disappointed by the wording really does need to let it go.
We can agree to disagree. I think a son of line can be helpful but not necessary. The time to clear all wording is before the invitation gets ordered. After that, don't throw your FI under the bus.
I get that parents might feel disappointed about not being listed on the invitation, but it also seems to me like they're making a mountain out of a molehill by making a big issue of it, because they're misunderstanding the invitation's purpose and/or because their egos are already fragile.
There are so many other ways that the couple might be "honoring" and "recognizing" them that making an issue of the invitation wording doesn't strike me as the best use of everyone's time, energy and resources.
Any lurkers out there, please don't take knottie#s advice seriously. Leaving one half of the couple out of the planning is a terrible way to start a marriage.