Dear Prudence,
I have an acquaintance from the same theater/performing circles in our city. She barely scrapes by, does not have a car, has severe anxiety and self-esteem issues, and depends on others for many things. We have occasionally met for coffee, just as casual friends and sometimes for work-related projects, and sometimes I give her rides to gigs we’re both doing. On every occasion, she has kept me waiting for what I think is an egregious amount of time—like 30 minutes. She once kept me waiting so long for a gig we were both booked for that we ended up being late. She recently saw on Facebook that I was interested in attending an event that is 45 minutes away, and emailed me suggesting we go together. I do not want to go with her because I get so frustrated at being kept waiting. How do I say no kindly? And what is kindest? To hedge or demure, or to be truthful in the kindest language possible? I want to be compassionate for her struggle, but I’m also trying to have boundaries about something that just sends me over the edge.