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I'd hire a professional

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
My husband has a daughter from his first marriage, while we have two elementary-age children together. My youngest has disabilities that require my full-time attention right now, so housework falls by the wayside. My husband wants to hire a cleaner to come in twice a week, and my stepdaughter asked if he would pay her to do it. She is in college (which we pay for) but she has had trouble keeping a job that doesn’t interfere with her classes. I am very leery about this. Our relationship is mostly neutral, but I feel this will be a disaster, not to mention the Cinderella parallels. What should I do?

—Hire My Stepdaughter?

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Re: I'd hire a professional

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Do not hire family or friends! It's really hard to establish the appropriate relationship when there is that small a degree of separation. 
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  • bleve0821bleve0821 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Is dad considering hiring her, or did she just ask?  He suggested a professional.  If he's not considering anything but, there's no issue here.

    Is she leery because of the "Cinderella parallels", or because of a genuine concern for SD's education?  If it's the latter, and H is considering SD's request, that's a valid concern to bring up for why they should just hire a professional.  If it's the former... well, maybe their relationship isn't as "neutral" as LW thinks it is.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Hire a professional. What happens when SD doesn't do it, or doesn't do it well? If a professional doesn't come through you can fire them, if SD doesn't there's potential for this to affect relationships. Just hire someone. 
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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Apparently, I'm the UO on this one.  I see nothing wrong with hiring SD.  They need to hire someone, SD needs work and offered her services.  Set a contract with clear guidelines and hire her, it's two birds, one stone.
    image
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    If there is already a good relationship between parent and child I could see this being a good thing.  My mom paid me to clean during the summers from hs through college.  It was good extra cash, but if I didn't do it right I didn't get paid. It seems could be iffy for them though.

    I thought the professional was going to be for the special needs child though. 
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2016
    If she chooses to hire the SD,  she needs to sit down with her husband first and set up the guidelines and how they are going to handle dealing with the SD if she doesn't perform (beyond just not paying her).  He needs to have a larger part in 'enforcement' than she does.  

    I'd give it a trial run with the SD only *if* dad was on board to co-manage the arrangement. 
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    This really depends on the family dynamic. But since LW is writing a damn letter to Prudie, she clearly has concerns and doubts. I agree with hiring a professional based on that. Tell SD that she needs to focus on school or get a different job with X or Y that cleaning Dad's house won't offer.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I really don't see a problem with this.  Especially since she brought it up.  And it's not the same as Cinderella because Cinderella didn't get paid. My siblings and I had a daily chore list growing up. One person had to haul the trash, one do dishes, one sweep and vacuum, one laundry, etc. But we could always do extra chores to earn some extra spending money if we wanted (we didn't get allowance). Nothing slavey about it.
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    lovesclimbing said:
    I really don't see a problem with this.  Especially since she brought it up.  And it's not the same as Cinderella because Cinderella didn't get paid. My siblings and I had a daily chore list growing up. One person had to haul the trash, one do dishes, one sweep and vacuum, one laundry, etc. But we could always do extra chores to earn some extra spending money if we wanted (we didn't get allowance). Nothing slavey about it.
    That was how my brother and I made money growing up.
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