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RSVP'd YES but now...

Knottie1445136220Knottie1445136220 member
Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My high school friend is getting married in a private ceremony (no one's invited) and they're having a 'Fiesta-themed' party at the bride's parents' house the next day for family and friends.  He came to my wedding on his 30th birthday.  I wanted to return the favor by going to his party, so I RSVPed YES for my husband and I to attend.

Thing is, I didn't realize it was in the middle of nowhere, and the closest airport is extremely expensive and inconvenient to fly into + rental car + time to travel from airport to middle of nowhere + hotel... my husband and I can go on a week long vacation for the amount it will cost us to go to this 5 hour party and it's putting a pit in my tummy.

Anyways, I know my lack of research prior to RSVPing YES is the reason I'm in this mess, but how can I politely get out of going?  I'd rather just send the couple a $500 check (perhaps they would too?) but is it rude to back out 2 months before? I don't know what to do.  I have a pit in my tummy thinking about either option (going and not going). 

 
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Re: RSVP'd YES but now...

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    If the party is two months away, I am guessing the RSVP deadline is not anywhere close yet. While they might be disappointed, that seems like plenty of time for them to accomodate the change in RSVP. I would change my RSVP and not feel guilty about that. 
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  • Knottie1445136220Knottie1445136220 member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    The RSVP Deadline was 20 days ago. 
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  • drglitterdrglitter member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    The RSVP deadline was way too early. They're probably going to get more changes than just yours. Just let them know ASAP that you're now a no.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    That is a lot of money and trouble for a 5 hour party, especially since you're not being invited to the ceremony. I think you should let them know ASAP that you'll no longer be able to attend. It happens. Send a gift if you wish. 

    I find it downright bizarre that the RSVP date was more than 2 months before the wedding. The RSVP date for mine was 3 weeks before the wedding, and even that was probably more than it needed to be.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    photokitty said:
    huskypuppy14 said:
    RSVP date is bizarre for a party at the bride's parent's house.
    Can you say B list???
    Then when was the A list invited?  Five months ago??

    OP, let your friend know your RSVP has changed to no.  This far out, I'm sure other guests will have a change in plans too.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    eileenrob said:
    photokitty said:
    huskypuppy14 said:
    RSVP date is bizarre for a party at the bride's parent's house.
    Can you say B list???
    Then when was the A list invited?  Five months ago??

    OP, let your friend know your RSVP has changed to no.  This far out, I'm sure other guests will have a change in plans too.
    OP was on the A list and now B list invites will probably go out. We were invited to a wedding 4 months before the wedding with an RSVP 2 months prior - I'm pretty sure we were on the A list and they sent out a second round of invites.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    eileenrob said:
    photokitty said:
    huskypuppy14 said:
    RSVP date is bizarre for a party at the bride's parent's house.
    Can you say B list???
    Then when was the A list invited?  Five months ago??

    OP, let your friend know your RSVP has changed to no.  This far out, I'm sure other guests will have a change in plans too.
    As in the b list is going out now that the a list rsvp date had passed.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Just call and apologize and say you can't make it after all. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary

    Definitely sounds like a B list situation. Ugh.

    Well, with 2 months before the party, you won't be causing any inconvenience (this is when invites normally go out!). Just tell him something came up and you're sorry but you can't attend now. Send a gift if you want, but not required.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Like the other PPs, I don't see anything wrong with notifying the couple you all will not be able to make it after all.

    While I'm not saying people should just "willy nilly" change their minds after they have RSVP'ed, the fact of the matter is things come up.  In this case, you (OP) didn't double check on costs before RSVP'ing.  A bummer, in hindsight, since that is why you all are now changing your minds.  But a mild faux pas, at best.  Especially since it's still two months out, for a party at the parent's house anyway.  It isn't going to make one whit of difference (or cost them one cent) with their plans, if you all have now changed to a decline.

    If it were me, I'd still send whatever gift/card I was already planning.  But would not over compensate.

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