Wedding Invitations & Paper

Nice online Save the Date with RSVP option? Desitination Wedding.

I know the is unorthodox, but we are planning a destination wedding at castle/villa in Italy.  It will actually be a wedding weekend where everyone will stay on the property with us for 3 nights with events each day.  Our friends and family are mostly big travelers and we have of course already talked to our closest people and got their sign off.  However, we need a somewhat (within say 4 or 5 people) count of attendees before we book a location.  The place we like best only can accommodate around 35 people and we have around 50-55 on our invite list.  We think based on knowing who we are inviting that we will end up with about 32, but we can't take the risk of having 40 and place for people to sleep! Does any one have a digital save the date recommendation where we could include lots of details and then people could respond with their intention of coming or not?  Like I said, I know its unusual, but under the circumstances I think people will understand.  We are giving people 21 months to save for flights etc. since it is a big trip and will likely be their vacation too, but we need to know if they plan on coming rather soon as the place we like books up well in advance.  I want something classier than an email. Ideas?

Re: Nice online Save the Date with RSVP option? Desitination Wedding.

  • Yes I understand that, but we have family we have to invite we know won't be able to travel etc.  Hence why I said I am looking for something unorthodox.  Our friends aren't ones to be concerned about the etiquette rules of needing to respond to a save the date.  We are going to such a huge expense that they will understand the why. I just want something digital that looks nice to send out.  We have verbal commitments from 32, no's from 10, and then 8 that are a crap shoot.  So we want to lay out all the details in one spot so they can make an informed decision.
  • Also all wedding destination articles and books say to plan for 50% of people to attend...as a rule of thumb.
  • I think I found one. Thanks anyway.
  • I went to a destination wedding where over 100 people attended ... from a guest list of 120. Plan on full attendance at your commitment ceremony just in case. There have been several posters on here trying to scramble at the last minute to deal with accommodating extra guests.
    OurWildKingdomgeebee908
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also all wedding destination articles and books say to plan for 50% of people to attend...as a rule of thumb.
    As a rule of thumb, never take advice from wedding articles and books.  Ask real people about their actual events.
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2016
    You are not having a destination wedding.  You are having a costume party.  You can send out STDs, but don't use the word "Wedding" or "Marriage" on it since you are not planning to actually be married at any time.  Perhaps "Commitment Ceremony" would be appropriate?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueens
  • I know the is unorthodox, but we are planning a destination wedding at castle/villa in Italy.  It will actually be a wedding weekend where everyone will stay on the property with us for 3 nights with events each day.  Our friends and family are mostly big travelers and we have of course already talked to our closest people and got their sign off.  However, we need a somewhat (within say 4 or 5 people) count of attendees before we book a location.  The place we like best only can accommodate around 35 people and we have around 50-55 on our invite list.  We think based on knowing who we are inviting that we will end up with about 32, but we can't take the risk of having 40 and place for people to sleep! Does any one have a digital save the date recommendation where we could include lots of details and then people could respond with their intention of coming or not?  Like I said, I know its unusual, but under the circumstances I think people will understand.  We are giving people 21 months to save for flights etc. since it is a big trip and will likely be their vacation too, but we need to know if they plan on coming rather soon as the place we like books up well in advance.  I want something classier than an email. Ideas?
    Well, since standard etiquette doesn't matter anyways.....why not just send out actual invitations? And have the RSVP date like a year in a advance? That's essentially what it sounds like you want anyways so I don't see why it should be called a save the date. 

    (Tone not intended to be snarky, even though it might read that way)
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2016
    CMGragain said:
    You are not having a destination wedding.  You are having a costume party.  You can send out STDs, but don't use the word "Wedding" or "Marriage" on it since you are not planning to actually be married at any time.  Perhaps "Commitment Ceremony" would be appropriate?
    Where did you get this? I reread the post and didn't see anything about it not being a wedding.

    ETA: Never mind, I read her other post.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2016
    I know the is unorthodox, but we are planning a destination wedding commitment at castle/villa in Italy.  It will actually be a wedding commitment weekend where everyone will stay on the property with us for 3 nights with events each day.  Our friends and family are mostly big travelers and we have of course already talked to our closest people and got their sign off.  However, we need a somewhat (within say 4 or 5 people) count of attendees before we book a location.  The place we like best only can accommodate around 35 people and we have around 50-55 on our invite list.  We think based on knowing who we are inviting that we will end up with about 32, but we can't take the risk of having 40 and place for people to sleep! Does any one have a digital save the date recommendation where we could include lots of details and then people could respond with their intention of coming or not?  Like I said, I know its unusual, but under the circumstances I think people will understand.  We are giving people 21 months to save for flights etc. since it is a big trip and will likely be their vacation too, but we need to know if they plan on coming rather soon as the place we like books up well in advance.  I want something classier than an email. Ideas?
    You want to over invite more people than you should to an event in which you have no intention of marrying there or any where else?  That would be the unorthodox portion of your program.
    ILoveBeachMusicMairePoppyCMGragainMyNameIsNot
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Also all wedding destination articles and books say to plan for 50% of people to attend...as a rule of thumb.
    Regardless of what those articles and books say, you need to plan for 100% attendance as a rule of thumb. Because you never know - 100% of those guests might accept your invitation and actually show up. And if someone does that, no matter how unlikely, they are entitled to expect the same hospitality as every other guest who is invited.

    And if you send someone a save-the-date, you must follow through with an invitation to that person, along with their SO if they have one.

    So don't invite a single person more than the venue has capacity.
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • Also all wedding destination articles and books say to plan for 50% of people to attend...as a rule of thumb.
    Those statistics are for WEDDINGS.  You aren't having one.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • The problem with asking for an RSVP so far in advance (we're talking 1-2 years here right?) is that no one knows what they'll be doing in 2 years. Your guest count will not be accurate. And even if someone says No, if something changes between your "unorthodox RSVP" and a few months before the wedding, this person is still owed an invitation and should be able to RSVP yes.

    For example, I know how much vacation time I get per year. I know my finances. Technically I could tell my friend now, "sure! I can plan for a trip 2 years from now!" but at work my vacation for the year is submitted the Oct before (so this Oct for 2017) and I don't know if my requested vacation is approved until a month after. If the wedding was Nov 2017, yeah, I can technically give an RSVP a year out, but if the wedding where April, I wouldn't know until a few months out.

    Find a venue that can accommodate your entire guest list. If you have a lot of "NO" responses, then take it as money saved, or use it to up your food or beverages. One option is to find a venue that has 2 rooms and will allow you to decide which room to use closer to your wedding date. Our venue had a room that accommodated 110 and another that accommodated 175.
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