Awkward co-worker moment

Knottie1452200249 · September 2016

I recently got married for the second time. I am a teacher in an elementary school. None of my co-workers were invited to the wedding because it was a small, private affair. I also got married when school was not in session. Prior to getting married, my principal announced to everyone that I had gotten engaged (without my permission, but whatever). Several co-workers got gifts and mailed or delivered them.
Since school has resumed, and my last name has changed, a co-worker approached me and asked why I didn't have a bridal shower at school. I reiterated that this was my second marriage, only family and close friends were invited, and my husband-to-be and I didn't need any gifts. Now I am thinking about this and it bothers me. I have been a teacher at this school for over 10 years and everyone knew I was getting married. Our school has a Hospitality Committee, for which we all pay, and we did give a bridal shower to another teacher at the end of last school year.
As much as I don't like to be in a spotlight of any kind, should my co-workers have thrown a bridal shower for me? As I said, we don't need any gifts, but I really would have appreciated a card from the staff that acknowledges our marriage.

glasgowtolondon · September 2016

Knottie1452200249 said:

I recently got married for the second time. I am a teacher in an elementary school. None of my co-workers were invited to the wedding because it was a small, private affair. I also got married when school was not in session. Prior to getting married, my principal announced to everyone that I had gotten engaged (without my permission, but whatever). Several co-workers got gifts and mailed or delivered them.
Since school has resumed, and my last name has changed, a co-worker approached me and asked why I didn't have a bridal shower at school. I reiterated that this was my second marriage, only family and close friends were invited, and my husband-to-be and I didn't need any gifts. Now I am thinking about this and it bothers me. I have been a teacher at this school for over 10 years and everyone knew I was getting married. Our school has a Hospitality Committee, for which we all pay, and we did give a bridal shower to another teacher at the end of last school year.
As much as I don't like to be in a spotlight of any kind, should my co-workers have thrown a bridal shower for me? As I said, we don't need any gifts, but I really would have appreciated a card from the staff that acknowledges our marriage.

You didn't want a shower and didn't invite them to your wedding, so why would you be upset that they didn't throw you one? A card might have been nice, but you got married when school was out so it probably wasn't front and centre of peoples minds. You also got several engagement presents from co-workers, hardly unacknowledged.

You are married now, its done. Why are you dwelling on this?

wmam35 · September 2016

It would have been nice for your co-workers to throw you a small work shower or even gotten a card together, but maybe with the end of the school year (when you say not in session, I'm assuming you mean summer break, but correct me if I'm wrong) they just forgot to do it. I'm a teacher too and I know I get very forgetful at the end of the school year with all of the different things I need to do. Also, if you weren't talking about the wedding with them and they knew you were having a private ceremony, they may have thought you didn't want a big thing made of it.

I'm not sure why someone else would have asked why you didn't have a bridal shower at school, that's a little rude in my opinion.

Knottie1452200249 · September 2016

Thanks, I was taken aback by her comment, too. Felt like she was trying to start drama.

Knottie1452200249 · September 2016

I guess I wasn't dwelling on anything until this lady asked me the question. I began thinking about it then, and wondering if she had a valid point. I won't waste another second thinking about it since I really did NOT want a shower.

WinstonsGirl · September 2016

Since she asked, I would have said "No one offers to throw one" and left it at that.

I get where you're coming from though. I teach, and we also have a social fund. I was given a GC on behalf of the school as a wedding gift. There was no work shower, which was fine by me. But when our Curriculum Coordinator got married, our AP threw him a shower and asked people to chip in for gifts over and above the social fund. Why should one staff member get a shower if not everyone else does? Well, our AP tended to recognize people based on their staffing position, and it was quite unfair to those on the lower rungs. However, I agree that your social committee could have at least sent a card. What do they do for other staff members in this situation??

Awkward co-worker moment

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