Things that make me rage-y.

charlotte989875 · September 2016

So I know this is a few months old, but it just showed up on my Facebook feed and it is actually raising my blood pressure a little, especially this quote, “I’ve taken my daughter to ballgames, but she doesn’t really know the difference between basketball and baseball. If she was a boy, I have this feeling that it would’ve been easier to interest her in those things. It would be something that we could have in common. But I’ve done my best to let it go.”

You could let it go, or you know you could teach her the difference between a basketball and a baseball.

https://www.1843magazine.com/features/its-a-boy-thing

For those who don't want to read it the tagline is "Why sons hold marriages together".

sparklepants41 · September 2016

The fuck is this shit? Did The Economist publish this in 1843?

MissKittyDanger · September 2016

What the ....

Or you know, maybe she'll end up being a sports fan and is just too young to understand right now and he should stop being a douche.

charlotte989875 · September 2016

Each paragraph just made me even more frustrated than the last.

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

O good lord! My daughter was/is more athletic than either of her brothers!

MesmrEwe · September 2016

mrsconn23 · September 2016

That article gave me mixed feelings. I can identify in my life with some of what's being said, since I only have boys and see *some* of what they're describing in MrConn's relationship with our boys. Especially about teenage boys. However, the sports shit is such a dumb benchmark.

I think it's an utterly ridiculous claim that boys hold a marriage together more than girls, especially since it's only a 3% margin.

All it offers up is a lot of (anecdotal?) research that says one thing and a bunch of quotes from men that seem to indicate that it's not going to change. No real solutions offered. The ending was super clunky too.

What I think the point of the article is, as many op eds are posted about modern parenting and how things are changing, in practice...we're not as progressed as we like to think we are (as a society). Which is true to a degree, but then you have to think, "Well what am I going to do about it?"

kylexo · September 2016

so since i was a tomboy and played softball and my dad coached my team, am i responsible for keeping my parents marriage together?!? like, c'mon! so ridiculous.

thisismynickname2 · September 2016

That was an interesting and sad read.
But, I'll be completely honest. I'd prefer to have a girl. I am a girl, I get what they go through. DH wants a son. He wants a buddy. He wants to play catch with a son. (I've told him he can play catch with a daughter too, and he gets that.) But DH has said things that are in that article- a son would be a mini-him, someone to have fun with.
We're also not a "borderline" marriage or a "mediocre" marriage or whatever the article called it, so I'm highly unconcerned about our future child's ability to keep our marriage together- eye roll!

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

I really wanted a girl the first time around (and got one) while the second time I really wanted a boy so that we would have one of each (that worked out too). I'm pretty sure H felt the same way. Our 3rd is a boy. I wanted a girl but knew all along he was a boy! H is close with our daughter (and our sons). He has said he really wants a granddaughter if we have grandkids - fingers crossed!

MissKittyDanger · September 2016

Personally, I would be happy with either. I've joked about wanting a girl first because on my H's side, it's rare to have a girl.

charlotte989875 · September 2016

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with having a preference about gender, I think the problem comes when you favor one child over another because of their gender, or treat one better because of their gender.

Heffalump · September 2016

The thing that I think they overlook in this article (in favor of broad overgeneralizations) is that you get the kid you get. Maybe it sounds like PC claptrap bullshit, and admittedly both of my kids are still young, but I feel like their biological sex is much less of a factor than this article made it sound like. I could tell you a million things about each of them right now, and most of those would have very little to do with their junk. So this whole "you do X with a boy but Y with a girl" sounds pretty off the mark. I think if you're a halfway decent parent, you do what they are interested in, whether it's a walk in the woods, painting, Legos, etc.

I also think it's possible that the first dad doesn't know what he's talking about. You can't compare things you do with a 4 year old to things you do with a younger kid. (If they gave his daughter's age, I missed it. I just remember that his son is 4, and their firstborn.) The article even said "Partly, he thinks, it is because his four-year-old son is older, and therefore more interesting." Apples and oranges.

Old timers may remember that when we found out that Wooz was a girl, DH wasn't sure he'd know what to do with her. But you know what? He fucking made the effort. You know what he does with a girl? Cheers her on at swim meets, compliments her artwork, listens to her read before bedtime, tells her how to find a good watermelon at the produce stand, takes her to Space Camp, etc. I'm pretty sure neither of their chromosomes matter for any of this.

TrixieJess · September 2016

charlotte989875 said:

So I know this is a few months old, but it just showed up on my Facebook feed and it is actually raising my blood pressure a little, especially this quote, “I’ve taken my daughter to ballgames, but she doesn’t really know the difference between basketball and baseball. If she was a boy, I have this feeling that it would’ve been easier to interest her in those things. It would be something that we could have in common. But I’ve done my best to let it go.”

You could let it go, or you know you could teach her the difference between a basketball and a baseball.

https://www.1843magazine.com/features/its-a-boy-thing

For those who don't want to read it the tagline is "Why sons hold marriages together".

Fuck this! FH doesn't know the difference between baseball and basketball and he doesn't care. FH's aunt got our son some sports equipment for Christmas and looked at him and said "you can play with him and teach him how to use it", I laughed and said, "no, I'll be the one to teach him, since FH isn't into sports and I played all through high school".

Yeah, it's not a boy/girl thing. It's a if your kinds want to do sports, teach them. If they want to do art, teach them. Encourage their loves and passion no matter their gender.

mrsconn23 · September 2016

Heffalump said:

The thing that I think they overlook in this article (in favor of broad overgeneralizations) is that you get the kid you get.

Yes, yes, yes...a million times yes.

DH played sports as a kid and is still extremely competitive to this day.

The kiddo gives zero fucks about playing sports. Watching him play *ANY* sport was a painful experience. He just looked clueless and had no drive to actually get in there and go for it. The kiddo also doesn't care about professional football, tennis, racing, etc. All things that DH follows. The kiddo shows casual interest in the NFL and will watch games with us, but he'll lose interest and go to play his xbox or whatever.

It took DH awhile to 'get over' it. He still has his moments where I think he has some wistfulness and wishes that the kiddo did want to play *something* (which to that end, the kiddo is interested in playing volleyball this winter...so we'll see).

DefConn is our little rager. He's asking to play sports. I think we're going to get him into tball this spring and see how it goes. He's asking to play tackle football. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to hold him (or DH) back.

So yeah, your son may have no interest in playing ball and your daughter may want to play any sport she can. Using it as a measuring stick for your relationship (current or future) is fucking ridic.

SP29 · September 2016

WTF?

I get the preference thing and the "mini-me" concept, sure. But boys hold marriages together? Dads don't know what to do with their daughters? Little girls don't like sports????

Agreed- maybe TEACH your daughter the difference between a baseball and basketball.

My dad took me to a MLB game when I was 5. I'm not a baseball fan now, but as a kid I loved it. When I was 8 my family went on vacation to Florida with another family, and us kids were all around the same age. The dads took the 3 of us older kids to a baseball game. I, the only girl, was the only kid who wanted to stay the whole game. We had to leave early as the other kids were getting bored. I was unimpressed :P. I also did lots of other stuff with my dad as a kid, like helping him out with projects around the house, and I played with Barbies.

short+sassy · September 2016

SP29 said:

WTF?

I get the preference thing and the "mini-me" concept, sure. But boys hold marriages together? Dads don't know what to do with their daughters? Little girls don't like sports????

Agreed- maybe TEACH your daughter the difference between a baseball and basketball.

My dad took me to a MLB game when I was 5. I'm not a baseball fan now, but as a kid I loved it. When I was 8 my family went on vacation to Florida with another family, and us kids were all around the same age. The dads took the 3 of us older kids to a baseball game. I, the only girl, was the only kid who wanted to stay the whole game. We had to leave early as the other kids were getting bored. I was unimpressed :P. I also did lots of other stuff with my dad as a kid, like helping him out with projects around the house, and I played with Barbies.

(Sarcasm) Of course this is true. Because it is much easier to make broad, unfair generalizations about girls than to just admit you are a SUCKY DAD. Participate with and at least pretend to enjoy whatever your child enjoys...whether a girl or a boy.

I think of one of the Doritos commercials...that first played during a Superbowl, no less...where a little girl, dressed like a princess, asks her dad to join her tea party. He apologizes and tells her is about to meet with his friends. She tells him she has Doritos.

In the next scene, this chubby and balding middle-aged dude answers his door to let his group of friends in...wearing a princess outfit. In the next scene him and ALL his friends are dressed in princess outfits sitting in tiny chairs, pretending to sip tea out of dime-sized tea cups, and eating Doritos.

Obviously, it's just supposed to be a funny ad. But I think it drives home the point that, even if your child's interest are outside your own, the most important part is to join them, play with them, spend time with them.

Things that make me rage-y.

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