Family member isn't a BM

[Deleted User] · September 2016

Hi fellow knotties! I'm having a very small bridal party, made it the people we are close with and historically have been. We wanted it even on both sides, just personal preference. From FI side, there is one of age family member who we couldn't include, not to purposely hurt her but because there is no personal relationship there with FI or myself. Also we had already had our hearts set on other people for other roles like readers.

At any rate, I have heard through the grape vine she was bothered a while ago and whining on about it. Only recently through their actions I see how bothered... her immediate family is so incredibly offended they have chosen not to send a bridal shower gift-OK fine, and have declined their seats at our wedding. Has anyone been through this before? I'd appreciate some support or advice. I just can't understand how people come out of the woodwork and expect to be included

STARMOON44 · September 2016

You chose not to include her because you aren't close. I see nothing wrong with her choosing to not send a gift or attend the wedding.

southernbelle0915 · September 2016

If she is "of age" and whining about not being in a wedding, I can see why you don't have a personal relationship with her. You made the right choice. Ignore the gossip and pressure.

DrillSergeantCat · September 2016

Knottie1450886525 said:

Hi fellow knotties! I'm having a very small bridal party, made it the people we are close with and historically have been. We wanted it even on both sides, just personal preference. From FI side, there is one of age family member who we couldn't include, not to purposely hurt her but because there is no personal relationship there with FI or myself. Also we had already had our hearts set on other people for other roles like readers.

At any rate, I have heard through the grape vine she was bothered a while ago and whining on about it. Only recently through their actions I see how bothered... her immediate family is so incredibly offended they have chosen not to send a bridal shower gift-OK fine, and have declined their seats at our wedding. Has anyone been through this before? I'd appreciate some support or advice. I just can't understand how people come out of the woodwork and expect to be included

Did they attend the shower? If no, then it's not necessary to "send a gift". If yes, then it was tacky not to bring a gift. Just because you send an invitation doesn't mean that each person you sent it to needs to send you a gift especially to a party they're not attending. Also, an invitation is not a subpoena. They don't have to go. You're not close, you said it yourself, that alone is reason enough for me not to go. BTW - you sound extremely gift grabby IMO.

OliveOilsMom · September 2016

This is where family politics can have a big impact on B&Gs. Yes, you aren't close, but is this person the ONLY family member from FI's side that is not included? What type of family member is this? A sister, a SIL, a cousin? I think a lot of your issues will stem from how close of a family member this is and how many other family members were included, but this one wasn't.

Reading another website the other day and there was only 1 SIL not included in the poster's H's sister's wedding. There were 4 SILs total and 1 was not included. That just has to hurt.

So while I agree with you that if you aren't close to a person, you don't need to include them. But sometimes you need to step back and consider the family politics in not involving someone. But if you are prepared to deal with the family politics, go for it.

flantastic · September 2016

Is it possible that the whole immediately family isn't coming to the wedding because you're not close? I don't make time for every wedding I'm invited to, and a lot of it has to do with how close I am to the couple.

I never send a shower gift if I don't attend the shower.

This may well not be personal. And even if it is, there isn't anything you should do about it now. Without more context, I can't understand why she'd want to be in your bridal party, but some people just really love weddings.

SaintPaulGal · September 2016

You're not close. It seems pretty natural that you wouldn't ask her to be in the wedding, and it seems pretty natural that she wouldn't attend your parties or buy you things. Sounds like a non-problem to me: someone you are not close to is also not close to you.

Jen4948 · September 2016

Sounds like you dodged a bullet if someone you didn't ask to be a bridesmaid because you aren't close is whining about it.

CMGragain · September 2016

Knottie1450886525 said:

Hi fellow knotties! I'm having a very small bridal party, made it the people we are close with and historically have been. We wanted it even on both sides, just personal preference. From FI side, there is one of age family member who we couldn't include, not to purposely hurt her but because there is no personal relationship there with FI or myself. Also we had already had our hearts set on other people for other roles like readers.

At any rate, I have heard through the grape vine she was bothered a while ago and whining on about it. Only recently through their actions I see how bothered... her immediate family is so incredibly offended they have chosen not to send a bridal shower gift-OK fine, and have declined their seats at our wedding. Has anyone been through this before? I'd appreciate some support or advice. I just can't understand how people come out of the woodwork and expect to be included

Never listen to family grapevine gossip. Ignore it.

No one has a right to be in your wedding party. Anyone who is offended about not being selected as a bridesmaid is being incredibly entitled and presumptuous. You won't miss these people at your wedding.

[Deleted User] · January 2017

Your wedding, your decision. I don't understand why people get so upset in the first place!

Don't let it bother you, if the immediate family of that person was petty enough not to send you a gift over the ordeal than so be it.

Enjoy your wedding!

CMGragain · January 2017

@Brandon'sBride, this is an old post from four months ago. Please don't dig up old posts just to comment. It is annoying.

[Deleted User] · January 2017

CMGragain said:

@Brandon'sBride, this is an old post from four months ago. Please don't dig up old posts just to comment. It is annoying.

No need to be rude. I was reading through some posts.

justsie · January 2017

FutureMrs.T said:

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CMGragain said:

@Brandon'sBride, this is an old post from four months ago. Please don't dig up old posts just to comment. It is annoying.

No need to be rude. I was reading through some posts.

She wasn't being rude, she was just stating the forum etiquette for you so you know.

CMGragain · January 2017

You aren't going to make many friends here if you are this defensive when someone tries to help you to fit in.

[Deleted User] · January 2017

CMGragain said:

You aren't going to make many friends here if you are this defensive when someone tries to help you to fit in.

I don't need internet friends. Thanks. Stop hiding behind a computer being the etiquette police.

ei34 · January 2017

FutureMrs.T said:

show previous quotes

CMGragain said:

You aren't going to make many friends here if you are this defensive when someone tries to help you to fit in.

I don't need internet friends. Thanks. Stop hiding behind a computer being the etiquette police.

By friends she means that there is a sense of community...and she was just trying to let you know about the post as an FYI. Like, sometimes newer members use "reply" to respond to someone, so we'll say "use quote instead, it's clearer". Or a new member will use their full name or email address as a username, so we'll say "hey! Use something less personal"...just little tips as a new member is getting a feel for TK. It wasn't an attack...she even said please.

[Deleted User] · January 2017

eileenrob said:

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FutureMrs.T said:

CMGragain said:

You aren't going to make many friends here if you are this defensive when someone tries to help you to fit in.

I don't need internet friends. Thanks. Stop hiding behind a computer being the etiquette police.

By friends she means that there is a sense of community...and she was just trying to let you know about the post as an FYI. Like, sometimes newer members use "reply" to respond to someone, so we'll say "use quote instead, it's clearer". Or a new member will use their full name or email address as a username, so we'll say "hey! Use something less personal"...just little tips as a new member is getting a feel for TK. It wasn't an attack...she even said please.

Okay, thank you. I took the "annoying" the wrong way. I had no idea there were even dates on the discussion because it doesnt show on my phone .
I'm not longer responding to this as I'm sure it's annoying to the person first starting the discussion.
Thank you & I apologize.

ei34 · January 2017

FutureMrs.T said:

show previous quotes

eileenrob said:

FutureMrs.T said:

CMGragain said:

You aren't going to make many friends here if you are this defensive when someone tries to help you to fit in.

I don't need internet friends. Thanks. Stop hiding behind a computer being the etiquette police.

By friends she means that there is a sense of community...and she was just trying to let you know about the post as an FYI. Like, sometimes newer members use "reply" to respond to someone, so we'll say "use quote instead, it's clearer". Or a new member will use their full name or email address as a username, so we'll say "hey! Use something less personal"...just little tips as a new member is getting a feel for TK. It wasn't an attack...she even said please.

Okay, thank you. I took the "annoying" the wrong way. I had no idea there were even dates on the discussion because it doesnt show on my phone .
I'm not longer responding to this as I'm sure it's annoying to the person first starting the discussion.
Thank you & I apologize.

It's fine! Do stick around though, posters always mean to be helpful

Family member isn't a BM

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