Your friend is an idiot and you say nothing at work.

mrsconn23 · September 2016

Dear Prudence,
I am a straight woman in a committed relationship with a man. We both refer to the other as our partner rather than boy/girlfriend. A friend recently told me that “straight people don’t use that word,” and joked that I must be the “office lesbian” at my new job. While there are far worse things than being mistaken for a lesbian, I’m curious what my obligation is (if any) to set the record straight with my supervisors? And is my friend correct that partner is not a straight people term? I like to say manfriend socially, but that doesn’t feel right at the office.

—Let Me Call You Sweetheart

DrillSergeantCat · September 2016

It is more common for LGBTQ people to use that term, but it's not exclusively theirs. Many people feel that boy/girlfriend is childish as they, themselves, are no longer a boy or girl and there aren't many other options.

bleve0821 · September 2016

I call DH my partner sometimes, because that what he is. He's my partner in life. There's no need to explain yourself when you refer to your SO. If someone can't accept that this is how you choose to refer to your SO, then that's their problem, not yours.

charlotte989875 · September 2016

You can refer to him how you want. However, I have always operate under the expectation that partner has typically referred to same-sex partnerships, and as such I was appropriating a term that wasn't mine to use.

ShesSoCold · September 2016

LW's friend is a douche.

ei34 · September 2016

I think of partner as a term used more frequently among same-sex couples, although the friend was wrong to make a joke. I have no idea why the writer feels obligated to "set the record straight" with her supervisors (is her sexual orientation their business?).

MissKittyDanger · September 2016

Depending on the setting, before we were engaged/married, myself or H would call the other 'partner' or 'spouse' {typically when talking to companies}

Heffalump · September 2016

I wonder how much she talks to these coworkers? Because in normal conversation, pronouns will make this pretty obvious anyway.

Also, office lesbian, quelle horreur!

DrillSergeantCat · September 2016

eileenrob said:

I think of partner as a term used more frequently among same-sex couples, although the friend was wrong to make a joke. I have no idea why the writer feels obligated to "set the record straight" with her supervisors (is her sexual orientation their business?).

Right? How does that convo go?
LW: So I thought I should let you know...I'm straight. When I refer to my partner, I mean my long-term boyfriend John.
Supervisor: Ooooookkkkk???

thespeshulestsnowflake · September 2016

I read somewhere a few years ago (not sure where) that "partner" outside of the US such as the UK or Australia was used synonymously as "husband" or "wife" regardless of the sexuality of the couple. Like how Mary on Sherlock is played by Martin Freeman's real life partner.

TrixieJess · September 2016

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

I read somewhere a few years ago (not sure where) that "partner" outside of the US such as the UK or Australia was used synonymously as "husband" or "wife" regardless of the sexuality of the couple. Like how Mary on Sherlock is played by Martin Freeman's real life partner.

It's used a lot up here too. I know a lot of people who refer to their spouses as "partner".

*Barbie* · September 2016

i typically think of partner in terms of a same-sex relationships.

I'm also one of the steering team members for our office LGBTQ/Ally network, so it really doesn't matter to me if my colleague's partner is the same sex or not.

kimmiinthemitten · September 2016

I vote to keep using the term without clarification.

If anyone assumes you're gay and treats you differently as a result, you know who to limit your contact with!

baconsmom · September 2016

I use "partner" (I'm also Ms. everywhere, all the time). I don't actually care if people think I'm gay or what - it just seems more egalitarian, especially since I'm often talking about him in a work context. (Like, "My partner does all my ebook formatting for me.") I think we should make it a thing.

short+sassy · September 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

eileenrob said:

I think of partner as a term used more frequently among same-sex couples, although the friend was wrong to make a joke. I have no idea why the writer feels obligated to "set the record straight" with her supervisors (is her sexual orientation their business?).

Right? How does that convo go?
LW: So I thought I should let you know...I'm straight. When I refer to my partner, I mean my long-term boyfriend John.
Supervisor: Ooooookkkkk???

I was wondering this same thing! Wouldn't it be 10x MORE awkward for the LW to make a POINT about the gender of the person they are dating.

Now I want to know what LW's partner's name is. Is it gender neutral? Like a "Pat" sketch from SNL?

Greenjinjo · September 2016

Partner is my automatic go to when referring to FI. I don't like calling him my finance (sounds too cutsey to me). Before we were engaged I wouldn't use the term boyfriend as it sounded a bit juvenile. This is just my personal preference though! I can also see myself continuing to use the term partner when we are married.

lovesclimbing · September 2016

I had never heard of it being used more often by lgbtq people until reading this column. I've heard it used all the time by straight people and never thought anything of it.

crowsgirl15 · September 2016

My brother's gf calls him her partner or "manfriend" because it makes her uncomfortable to call him her "boy"friend (not really sure if it's the boy part or that she thinks it's juvenile all around). I never thought anything of it, and I've never seen anyone else confused.

charlotte989875 · September 2016

crowsgirl15 said:

My brother's gf calls him her partner or "manfriend" because it makes her uncomfortable to call him her "boy"friend (not really sure if it's the boy part or that she thinks it's juvenile all around). I never thought anything of it, and I've never seen anyone else confused.

I did this before FI and I were engaged. He isn't a "boy" and it just sounded so high school.

SP29 · September 2016

Growing up, I was used to "partner" referencing a same-sex couple, but as I've grown and met more people in different types of relationships, I have found "partner" more widely used.

For example, an adult couple who are is not married. I remember my best friend's mom, post divorce, asking us a teenagers what she should call her "boyfriend", as boyfriend seems juvenile for a man, but "manfriend" sounded weird to her too.

Your friend is an idiot and you say nothing at work.

Re: Your friend is an idiot and you say nothing at work.

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