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Rehearsal Dinner at Church - Casual - Alcohol question

jsmcquakerjsmcquaker member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi All :smile:
Our wedding is in April and away from my home town.  The rehearsal is at the church which has a hall we could use for our rehearsal dinner.  We would be keeping it casual - pizza.

My in-laws want me to have the dinner in another town which would create another 1.5 hours round trip of driving.  Most guests on my side are already going to be driving 5 hours on this day - so I really wanted to just have it at the church, right after the rehearsal, so everyone can go back to their rooms and get rested for the wedding.  They are NOT paying for it and they are not evening listening to my concerns.

The only reason we "shouldn't" have it at the church is because they do not allow alcohol.  So it would be a dry rehearsal.  I kind of feel like if people need to drink that badly they could go to the bar down the street? 

Just looking for opinions on the dry rehearsal thing...
We are having an open bar at our wedding.

There is no where else nearby to have the rehearsal and I feel awful making guests and their children drive that extra amount of time just to eat.
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner at Church - Casual - Alcohol question

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you are doing the right thing - being considerate of your guests' time. You are paying so she gets no say.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2016
    Why can't you have the rehearsal dinner at the bar down the street? Or literally anywhere else near the church?

    i mean, your plan is fine, it just seems like if you have an option to have alcohol I'd personally take it, because offering wine with a meal is part of hospitality for me. 
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If I were a guest in this situation, unless there were a bunch of other friends who I knew were going to the RD who I really wanted to catch up with, I would just skip the RD and grab food at a place nearby (even if that's just fast food).

    Another 90 minutes of driving is just not worth the free alcohol for me (of which I wouldn't partake much of anyway... since I'd have to drive 45 minutes back to the hotel).

    Pizza and non-alcoholic drinks sound great to me.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2016
    Keep to the current plan. Guests of your RD should not be traveling an additional 1.5 hours on top of traveling to the wedding/rehearsal.

    A dry event is always etiquette approved, so don't worry about that.

    If the ILs aren't hosting, they do not get a say. I like the "We've got it covered, thanks" line. Repeat as needed.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Granted, I'm a teetotaler, so IMO, have the RD at the church.  If it's the "level" they're concerned with you can always do something other than Pizza, but really, as long as you're properly hosting your guests, that's all that matters.  Since you're paying for it, pizza and root beer it is!  Even without the booze factor, an extra hour and a half round trip the night before I was set to be in a wedding, let alone if it was my own - NO THANK YOU!  (this from experience, our RD was 20 minutes from my apartment at the time and the reception hall a half-hour, the time adds up in a hurry, let people just relax because there are a million other details that YOU/FI need to do in that hour and a half to get ready for the day/moment...

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  • MeetTheLarasMeetTheLaras member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Answer
    edited September 2016
    Honestly, I'd always 100% go with no booze over an extra hour and a half of driving. And this coming from someone who never turns down a free drink. 

    Edit: I should add that I do live in NJ. And driving here is an absolute nightmare. So that may be contributing to my aversion. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    banana468 said:
    If you're having pizza in the church hall I assume you're not making it.   Can't you go to the pizza place and then everyone gets a beer with their pizza?

    No, you don't need alcohol at the RD, but after 5 hours in a car followed by a grown up game of Follow The Leader, a cold beer is rather therapeutic. 
    I love this, hahaha!

    Do you even need to have a rehearsal?  I know the church ladies will act like you absolutely must have a rehearsal, but honestly they really aren't necessary.

    I'm with Star and Banana- can you have the RD at one of the local bars or the pizza joint?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Alcohol is not necessary at a rehearsal dinner.  Your plans are fine.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    This was pretty much exactly my friend's RD.  They had a small bridal party, so we did the rehearsal and then went to a classroom down the hall for pizza and cake.  Didn't last super long, but it was nice.  They had beer and wine at the wedding the next day.  I'd definitely take the location convenience over type of food/alcohol any day.  But, then again, we picked our RD location because you could walk there from the church.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Honestly, when I was a church organist, I saw more than one bridal party that was hung over from partying the night before.  It showed!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    CMGragain said:
    Honestly, when I was a church organist, I saw more than one bridal party that was hung over from partying the night before.  It showed!
    A dry RD doesn't prevent it.   It may encourage the WP to eat and run to the bar.  

    I've never attended a dry RD and the only times I know someone at the wedding was hungover it was for antics that occurred well after. the RD ended.  
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    CMGragain said:
    Honestly, when I was a church organist, I saw more than one bridal party that was hung over from partying the night before.  It showed!
    Two of My H's GM were super hungover (they rallied by the reception!) but it wasn't because of the RD; it's because they all went to the bar after. One even lost his shoes and had to go shopping the morning of. 
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    I would much, much, much rather have a dry rehearsal of pizza than drive 1.5 hours round trip to get something that may or may not be all that much better.  I find driving can be exhausting...and if I knew I had a 45min drive ahead of me would probably not drink anyway!!!!  Stick with your plans!

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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    A rehearsal can hopefully get done quick and with just those people participating in the ceremony and their SO's present, and then if it's just pizza I assume it'll be a short eating-and-mingling hospitality right after the rehearsal. I'm thinking start-to-finish from arriving for the rehearsal until you're back in your car should be about 2 hours in this situation. You don't need alcohol for 2 hours, where the first half hour is the rehearsal itself. 

    And this is coming from someone who really likes beer and wine. :-)
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