Wedding Woes

Overthinkers gotta overthink

Dear Prudence,

I started seeing a man three months ago and things are going really well. On our second date, he mentioned he might have sinus surgery. I told him I’d had the same procedure done about six months before and that I’ve been happily breathing a lot better since. In addition to the sinuses, I also had my deviated septum fixed. What I didn’t tell him was that I also had minor rhinoplasty. My friends and family know about it—it’s not a secret—but it was just a small part of the overall surgery. I wouldn’t have considered the procedure by itself if I hadn’t been having surgery on that part of my body already. But, the thing I’m struggling with now is how I should tell him. I guess in the beginning, I felt that it was too soon to drop “I had plastic surgery” into the conversation, and I also was a little nervous he’d judge me as superficial without getting to know me. It’s pretty undetectable in general (I had a small bump my ENT expertly smoothed out), however, I do feel silly having left that part out and if he starts meeting people in my life like family and friends, someone could mention it, and then I’d feel like a liar. Should I bring this up now? And if so, how do I do it? I know lying to him is a pretty big offense, so I’m pretty anxious about it.

—Not Breathing Easy

Re: Overthinkers gotta overthink

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Banana with the funny answers this morning!

    I don't think this is a problem at all.  She said it was a small bump removed.  Now if she had a Steve Martin in Roxanne nose and had it sharply shortened, maybe it would be noticeable.  And why would someone ever mention it?  Even if they do, she just says that her ENT smoothed out a small bump during her sinus surgery many years ago.  It's such a small difference, LW can barely noticed.

    DrillSergeantCatOurWildKingdom
  • I thought everyone knew "I got surgery for my deviated septum" was code for nose job?
    I didn't even realize it was code.  I just thought it was the technical term.  Oops.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I thought everyone knew "I got surgery for my deviated septum" was code for nose job?
    I didn't even realize it was code.  I just thought it was the technical term.  Oops.
    I think it's a real thing too, but a lot of people claim deviated septum when what they are really having is a nose job.
    image
    DrillSergeantCat
  • eventually, there will be baby/childhood pictures.  Having it come out then, or before seems to do the trick, no?
    (And probably before you have a kid together that inherits the nose in question)

    lc07
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited September 2016
    DH did have sinus surgery and had his deviated septum fixed in HS, but no rhinoplasty.  Otherwise, he would have had his crooked nose straightened out. 

    Either way, does really fucking matter?  This issue is the firtiest of FWP, for real. 

    Where's Hmo with an "oh white people"?
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    I'm sad that a little rhinoplasty during an already scheduled, medically necessary surgery makes LW feel like she'll be judged as superficial. Like, are people who get lasik while getting their cataracts fixed superficial as well? What about contouring makeup? Or any makeup, for that matter?

    You can bet your ass that if I needed surgery on my thighs, I'd ask them to shave a little off.

    I told my Dr I wouldn't be mad if he got a little crazy with the lipo machine, but he didn't. Jerk. 
    image
    SP29cowgirl8238
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I told my Dr I wouldn't be mad if he got a little crazy with the lipo machine, but he didn't. Jerk. 
    You don't want them to overdo the lipo, you'll get bumpy, lumpy, and skin can stick to the muscle. I actually regret my lipo because I'll never have fat in the same place again so when I gained weight, I have a hole in my inner thighs that just looks weird.
  • mrsconn23 said:
    DH did have sinus surgery and had his deviated septum fixed in HS, but no rhinoplasty.  
    I had sinus surgery ~8 years ago and they fixed my deviated septum, but no rhinoplasty. my nose  doesn't bother me beyond the actual breathing issues. 

    I would do a "mommy makeover" - tummy tuck/lipo/breast reduction. I might be able to get the reduction covered since I'm a DD+ and have a history of back issues. I need to lose weight first - but once I get to a more healthy weight/size, it's something I'd like to do for myself. 
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    *Barbie* said:
    I had sinus surgery ~8 years ago and they fixed my deviated septum, but no rhinoplasty. my nose  doesn't bother me beyond the actual breathing issues. 

    I would do a "mommy makeover" - tummy tuck/lipo/breast reduction. I might be able to get the reduction covered since I'm a DD+ and have a history of back issues. I need to lose weight first - but once I get to a more healthy weight/size, it's something I'd like to do for myself. 
    I did all that. I think mommy makeover includes vaginal rejuvenation? I had a breast lift instead of a reduction. I'm needing to have them redone because of my implants and I'll likely do a reduction if he can make them look good. 
  • I thought everyone knew "I got surgery for my deviated septum" was code for nose job?
    I didn't even realize it was code.  I just thought it was the technical term.  Oops.
    I think it's a real thing too, but a lot of people claim deviated septum when what they are really having is a nose job.
    It is a real thing. My son had a hole in his nasal septum and a deviated septum. Surgery was required to fix both. It was never considered to be a nose job - and he didn't need one.
  • *Barbie* said:
    I had sinus surgery ~8 years ago and they fixed my deviated septum, but no rhinoplasty. my nose  doesn't bother me beyond the actual breathing issues. 

    I would do a "mommy makeover" - tummy tuck/lipo/breast reduction. I might be able to get the reduction covered since I'm a DD+ and have a history of back issues. I need to lose weight first - but once I get to a more healthy weight/size, it's something I'd like to do for myself. 
    I did all that. I think mommy makeover includes vaginal rejuvenation? I had a breast lift instead of a reduction. I'm needing to have them redone because of my implants and I'll likely do a reduction if he can make them look good. 
    I'll pass on the vaginal rejuvination - I had a c-section so no hotdog down a hallway issues here. :-)
    DrillSergeantCatkimmiinthemitten
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    *Barbie* said:
    *Barbie* said:
    I had sinus surgery ~8 years ago and they fixed my deviated septum, but no rhinoplasty. my nose  doesn't bother me beyond the actual breathing issues. 

    I would do a "mommy makeover" - tummy tuck/lipo/breast reduction. I might be able to get the reduction covered since I'm a DD+ and have a history of back issues. I need to lose weight first - but once I get to a more healthy weight/size, it's something I'd like to do for myself. 
    I did all that. I think mommy makeover includes vaginal rejuvenation? I had a breast lift instead of a reduction. I'm needing to have them redone because of my implants and I'll likely do a reduction if he can make them look good. 
    I'll pass on the vaginal rejuvination - I had a c-section so no hotdog down a hallway issues here. :-)
    I've pushed out two and still not hotdog hallway issues.
    *Barbie*
  • I've had the sinus surgery ... twice. The second time he also fixed my deviated septum. No nose job for me. Didn't know it was code for that. 
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    *Barbie* said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    DH did have sinus surgery and had his deviated septum fixed in HS, but no rhinoplasty.  
    I had sinus surgery ~8 years ago and they fixed my deviated septum, but no rhinoplasty. my nose  doesn't bother me beyond the actual breathing issues. 

    I would do a "mommy makeover" - tummy tuck/lipo/breast reduction. I might be able to get the reduction covered since I'm a DD+ and have a history of back issues. I need to lose weight first - but once I get to a more healthy weight/size, it's something I'd like to do for myself. 
    Call your insurance now and ask them to mail you the requirements for the reduction. Then ask your ObGYN to note in your chart anything they have listed as a requirement (shoulder grooves, back pain, red lines etc. It helped my approval process and my surgeon said he wishes more people did that. Also weight loss may or may not be a requirement. I lost 15 lbs before surgery which helps, but at the same time I wish I had done all this sooner. Sore incisions and all!
    image
  • Yes, fixing a deviated septum is a real thing, but it's pretty common for people to claim they just got a deviated septum fixed when they really just had a nose job. 

    On Friends, Rachel has a very large nose in home videos taken during her teen years. When everyone else commented on it, she claimed she had a deviated septum. 

    A few years back, Ashley Tisdale was making the gossip news for having a slimmed down nose. She claimed it was because she had surgery to fix a deviated septum. 

    kimmiinthemittenDrillSergeantCatmrsconn23


  • On Friends, Rachel has a very large nose in home videos taken during her teen years. When everyone else commented on it, she claimed she had a deviated septum. 

    Jennifer Aniston IRL has said in interviews that she had the 'deviated septum' surgery. 
     
  • 1. Every person i know who had surgery to fix a deviated septum came out with a drastically different nose. Maybe they had both done,  but i will always assume you mean nose job when you tell me you had your deviated septum fixed. 

    2. She had severely overestimated people's"give a damn".  Does she sincerely believe her nose is a frequent topic of conversation? Or that it's even a topic to broach?  Let alone someone you just started dating?  It's a complete non - issue.  Not everything has to be a big important revelation.  Is she also on pins and needles waiting for the right time to divulge that she fell off her bike and broke her arm when she was 8?
    kimmiinthemittencharlotte989875cowgirl8238
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    jacques27 said:
    1. Every person i know who had surgery to fix a deviated septum came out with a drastically different nose. Maybe they had both done,  but i will always assume you mean nose job when you tell me you had your deviated septum fixed. 

    2. She had severely overestimated people's"give a damn".  Does she sincerely believe her nose is a frequent topic of conversation? Or that it's even a topic to broach?  Let alone someone you just started dating?  It's a complete non - issue.  Not everything has to be a big important revelation.  Is she also on pins and needles waiting for the right time to divulge that she fell off her bike and broke her arm when she was 8?
    Was I supposed to divulge that to my husband before we got married??? EGADS!

    With this LW, I think she's putting way too much thought into it. If she had drastically changed her nose, then I do think that's something that should be brought up at some point before having children. I'm pretty open about my plastic surgeries, though, so while I wouldn't talk about it on a first date, I'd talk about it. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Both my parents got nose jobs when they were younger. I always think it's hilarious when people meet them or see a picture of them for the first time. "Oh my gosh, you look just like you Mom/Dad; you even got their nose!" Um, no I didn't, and if I did, I'd be scheduling a rhinoplasty right now. Lol. 


    image
    thefanciestbecklerShesSoColdcharlotte989875
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited September 2016

    Shit, y'all. I forgot to tell DH about the wart I had removed from my hand in college.

    When should I tell him?


    ETA location


  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited September 2016

    Shit, y'all. I forgot to tell DH about the wart I had removed in college.

    When should I tell him?

    Depends on the location...


    I set myself up for that one! LOL!

    ETA words


    OurWildKingdomDrillSergeantCatMNNEBridecharlotte989875
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards