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Are they already married?

CaseyBoBaseyCaseyBoBasey member
First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Chit Chat
Hey everyone,

I have a concern I'm hoping you guys can help me out with. So in January, my husband and I are leaving for a whole year to travel around the world (so excited!). We've been planning and saving for this trip for over 3 years. One of our college friends is engaged and planning a wedding for next summer. However, he keeps referring to his fiancee as "wifey" on social media. My husband thinks he's just excited to be married, or that he's just trying to be funny, but now I'm worried that they're actually already married, haven't told anyone, and that the wedding they're planning is just going to be a PPD. I'm not sure I want to take time out of our trip, and pay for expensive plane tickets (probably from Europe) to come back for an event that's not even the actual wedding. 

My question is, is there a polite way to ask him whether they're already married? 

Thanks!
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Re: Are they already married?

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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think you should listen to your husband. Sounds like you want a reason to not go. You don't need a reason though. 
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    My DH called me his wife when we were engaged.  He doesn't like the word FI.   He said wife flowed off his tongue better.

    Meh, it sounds like you are trying to find a way out of going.  If you don't want to go, then don't.  Spending a year traveling means you miss out on some events.  NBD.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    So, first, OMG I'm so jealous!!! :)

    Second, if I'm doing some once-in-a-lifetime traveling like that, it's highly unlikely I'd come back for anyone's wedding.  If I did, only an extremely close friend/family member.  Nothing wrong with sending your regrets, no matter who it is.  People understand (or should).

    Third, I also don't think there is anything wrong with clarifying things with friend.  Though I've run across a lot of people who refer to their SO as husband/wife...sometimes even when they aren't engaged!  It wouldn't surprise me if they haven't gotten married yet.  I really side-eye the word "wifey", in any reference.  It's such a casual, silly slang term anyway, for me that is even a little more evidence he's using the word affectionately but without any meaning behind it.

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    kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I could definitely see someone referring to the SO as "wifey", heck I've heard it before an engagement. But I see nothing wrong with mentioning something and seeing what he says.

    Regardless of whether or not it is a PPD you can decline the invite especially if you're on this big trip and it would be expensive to to come back for it 
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    kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Why would you assume your friend is lying to you? If you don't want to go don't go.
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    ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I haven't heard someone say in all seriousness "my wife and I will meet you at 6" or "my husband and I lease a Subaru" when they're actually referring to a girl/boyfriend or FI.  I do however hear "hubby" and "wifey" used casually from time to time, as a term of endearment or playfully.  
    I don't think I'd fly in from Europe for a college friend's wedding or his PPD.  If you'd fly in for the former but not the latter, ask him to clarify.
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    eileenrob said:
    I haven't heard someone say in all seriousness "my wife and I will meet you at 6" or "my husband and I lease a Subaru" when they're actually referring to a girl/boyfriend or FI.  I do however hear "hubby" and "wifey" used casually from time to time, as a term of endearment or playfully.  
    I don't think I'd fly in from Europe for a college friend's wedding or his PPD.  If you'd fly in for the former but not the latter, ask him to clarify.

    Although I personally find it very weird, I have definitely heard unmarried people refer to their SO exactly like this.

    This was funny!  A former boss always referred to his g/f (not engaged) as his wife.  Like, "I'm leaving early today, I'm taking my wife to the doctor."  But after they got engaged, sometimes he would still refer to her as his wife...but then he would sometimes call her his fiancée.

    I had a potential tenant one time call me and say, "My husband and I would like to rent the place."  It was for my personal duplex, so my H and I chit chatted with them fairly frequently.  They always referred to each other as husband/wife.  About six weeks after they moved in, just in conversation, I asked her how long they had been married.  They weren't.  They weren't even engaged, other than a general understanding of, "oh, we'll probably get married someday, but it's just a piece of paper so we're not in a hurry".

    Of course, I didn't say anything, their non-marital/marital status was not my business.  But that kind of attitude irritates me the same way it does when someone comes on here asking about her PPD plans.  Like, "We have an unusual situation (explains a "not unusual at all" situation)...and are getting married at the JOP in X month...but are having our REAL wedding six months later.

    That "piece of paper" DOES mean something.  And despite all the "husband/wife"/"we'll be together forever" words, there's usually a reason people haven't taken that step.  And more often than not, it's because they aren't emotionally ready or there is still some uncertainty.  Which is fine.  But call a spade, a spade.  My H and I were together for 13 years before we got engaged.  We planned to be together forever back then also, but never used the term husband/wife until after our ceremony.   

    Sorry, bit of tangent!  I'll get off my soapbox now.

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    CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    on that same note - I also cringe when the women uses the man's last name before they get married.  One of my friends did that on facebook, just changed her last name to his and they're not even engaged.   I just feel like it's bad luck. 

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    CaseyBoBaseyCaseyBoBasey member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Thanks for the responses! You guys are right, we should probably just not plan on coming back for this wedding. We're kind of on the fence currently; my husband thinks this friend might ask him to be a groomsman, so he's leaning toward coming back, but I don't really think we should (and I definitely don't want to if the wedding ends up being a PPD). It's true that we're going to miss things while we're gone, and it's gonna be hard, but that's definitely a sacrifice we'll have to make in order to have this experience. 
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    CaseyBoBaseyCaseyBoBasey member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    jacques27 said:
    CaseyBoBasey said:
    Thanks for the responses! You guys are right, we should probably just not plan on coming back for this wedding. We're kind of on the fence currently; my husband thinks this friend might ask him to be a groomsman, so he's leaning toward coming back, but I don't really think we should (and I definitely don't want to if the wedding ends up being a PPD). It's true that we're going to miss things while we're gone, and it's gonna be hard, but that's definitely a sacrifice we'll have to make in order to have this experience. 
    But, he knows he can also say no to that, too, right?  "I appreciate that you thought of me to be a groomsman and I wish you guys nothing but the best, but I won't be able to as CaseyBoBasey and I will be traveling out of the country then."

    Just because someone asks you to be in the wedding party, doesn't mean you are obligated to accept.
    I know, I think he just feels bad saying no (he's a people pleaser). But sometimes it's ok to say no to people!
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    A search of their names in the local newspaper could help. Births, divorces and marriage licenses are typical printed in the local paper. You could also search the county courthouse website or request a record request.

    Or just send well wishes and skip it.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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