Wedding Invitations & Paper

How to deal with people asking for invites?

I wasn't sure if this should go in etiquette or here. FI and I have had several people ask us if they're invited to our wedding (a few in person/email and one quite publicly on social media). As I’m sure you can guess where this is going…these people are not invited. If we were having a big 200 or 300 person wedding then perhaps these people would be invited, but we are having a small 75-100 person wedding (100 is our venue max) and therefore are not able to invite these people (and many others!).

 

How do we answer these questions without hurting feelings or being rude? FI already answered one email that was just asking about if the kids were invited (they’re not – he let them know we’re having adults only). But what about the others saying things like “can I come?” and “I better get an invite!”?

Re: How to deal with people asking for invites?

  • I wasn't sure if this should go in etiquette or here. FI and I have had several people ask us if they're invited to our wedding (a few in person/email and one quite publicly on social media). As I’m sure you can guess where this is going…these people are not invited. If we were having a big 200 or 300 person wedding then perhaps these people would be invited, but we are having a small 75-100 person wedding (100 is our venue max) and therefore are not able to invite these people (and many others!).

     

    How do we answer these questions without hurting feelings or being rude? FI already answered one email that was just asking about if the kids were invited (they’re not – he let them know we’re having adults only). But what about the others saying things like “can I come?” and “I better get an invite!”?

    Are these tongue in cheek questions, or serious questions?  Because joking about a wedding invite is unfortunately common.  A 100 person wedding is not small, but you are entitled to invite who you want as long as you invite any significant others as well.  

    Respond with, "We're still working out details," and then change the subject, "Have you heard about the Dodgers?"  

    Also, it is inappropriate to to indicate who is not invited on your invitations (i.e. no kids, adults only).  Address the invitations to the people invited directly, and you can also indicate how many people are invited on the RSVP (__ of 2 seats have been reserved in your honor).  That way if people write in more you can call them up and say, "I am so sorry, but the invite was for you and John only. We really hope you two can make it!"  If there's any pushback, call their bluff and say, "We'll be so sorry to miss you at the wedding."  


    image
  • I'm not sure...I think some are tongue in cheek and some are serious. Either way...it's awkward and uncomfortable. I'm the worst at awkward situations so I'm always looking for a polite way to let people know what the reality is.

    We are not indicating on the invitations that kids are not invited or adults only, but since my FI was asked directly if this person's kids were invited, he flat out told the person who asked that we are planning to have adults only.
  • I think if someone flat out asks, "Are my kids invited?" then you are more than in the right to say, "No, sorry, the invitation is only for you and John. Hope you can make it!".

    As for everyone else, one of the best responses (that I learned on here) is, "Unfortunately we are unable to invite everyone we'd like to". Then promptly change the subject.

    Pretty rude to assume or ask to be invited to an event. I don't know why people do that. Of course you respond as politely as possible, but it is wise to be firm right from the get go so they don't get confused and think you are actually going to invite them.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards