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You created this and you're failing to see it.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
Our family has been close, seeing each other every week. My children are all in their 20s and have their own homes. Our only daughter got married earlier this year and we adore our son-in-law. Our son got engaged about three months before our daughter’s wedding. Our daughter was vocally angry that her brother got engaged before her wedding. When the newly engaged couple were looking for wedding venues, I (mistakenly) recommended the place my daughter planned her reception. It is a lovely location and I was thinking it would be a good fit. Unfortunately, they decided to book this same venue for their wedding scheduled a year later. Now my daughter is furious. She is demanding they move the reception somewhere else even though it will mean losing the substantial deposit. This has created a great deal of anxiety, especially for me, because I mourn the loss of our close-knit family. I don’t know what to do. We have even offered to pay the deposit and that angers her too. She says they have to pay the cost (I guess as a form of punishment). This is tearing our family apart. Please help.

—Something Borrowed

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Re: You created this and you're failing to see it.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Time to talk to the daughter about being a grown up and not acting like a child. LW should have stayed out of it, but since she didn't she needs to tell daughter to suck it up and stop being ridiculous. Punishing the brother and FSIL because they liked the same venue?! Please, that's some spoiled child shit right there. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Daughter needs to get over it.   That mom doesn't know what to do makes me think that she's an enabler.
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2016

    What?  They can't use the venue because she used it a year ago?

    WhoTF are these people?

    And how "close-knit" can they be for this to happen?  Mom, just because humans see each other every week, it doesn't mean they're close.

    ETA:  I guess the "close-knit" comment isn't really fair.  They could all be close with the exception of the daughter.  She sounds horrible.

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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Heffalump said:


    This LW sounds like she's more interested in establishing superficial peace than helping her daughter get her head out of her ass, which makes me wonder how long this pattern has been in place.


    Yes.  This is like my aunt who will completely ignore our family, never set foot in our state, to turn around and demand we all trek up to Chicago during the holidays, and then throw a goddamned fit about 'fffffaaaaammmmiiiiilllyyy!'  

    I went through a rough few years with my parents (dad especially, since it's his sister) because I put my foot down about running up there during the holidays (we have enough going on and there's nowhere to stay up there, so I'd have to shell out for a hotel).  My aunt finally horked my mom off enough (about my dad's 60th...singing Marilyn Monroe telegram anyone?) that my mom is all, "fuck her" now about her demands for family 'unity'. 
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Damn, I WISH my sister had used my reception venue for her wedding!  I would have loved a second chance to EAT ALL THE FOOD!  H & I are dying to be invited to a wedding there, just so we can fully enjoy the happy hour instead of the tail end!

    And mom needs to shut daughter down!  Daughter is a spoiled brat who has probably been this way and gotten her way her whole life.  So she feels like she can continue to do that now.  If I were brother, I'd tell her to get the fuck over herself because she's a grown ass adult throwing a temper tantrum that will get her nowhere because they are not changing their reception venue now.

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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    UGH.  The Sister sounds like a really great person...she gets a day!!!  The mom needs to shut down the sister and apologize to the son for making it seem like she didn't want him to use the same venue.

    Side note: My H's Uncle has four children from 2 separate marriages.  All 4 of his children has there weddings paid for by him.  All 4 of the children used the same reception venue!  No one got upset about it, in fact two of the step sibling now share the same anniversary weekend (they were both married the first weekend in June but 5 years apart).  I just don't understand how people can get so uptight about their wedding process having to be all about them and only them!

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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sounds like daughter is a spoiled brat!

    My venue was suggested by my boss and my other coworker asked how we liked it because she debated on using it.
    I would suggest it to ANYONE if they needed a venue, because we loved it!
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  • SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Ok, so the sister here is obviously an entitled, tantrum-y crazypants.  She doesn't own the venue just because she used it first.  Presumably dozens/hundreds of people have used it before and dozens/hundreds of people will use it after.  That's how renting a venue works; they don't immolate the damn thing the moment you cross the threshold for the last time.

    However, if I'm being real I would be a little weirded out if someone this close to me went out and booked the same venue without discussing it with me at all. Not because I would have veto power, but just because it seems like something that would naturally come up.  Like if someone I was very close to suddenly turned up as my new coworker or my new next door neighbor.  I mean, they don't need my permission to do these things but I would find it odd that they went through all the stages to make it happen without ever mentioning it to me.

    But then, of course, I wouldn't say anything and I certainly wouldn't try to make them change their plans because I know I don't own the venue/job/neighborhood and I am not a drama-obsessed narcissist.  
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All I can think is - can you imagine how much fun we would have with all parties here?!?!?!  The LW and the daughter... and for that matter if the FI of the brother showed up (One can only imagine what that person is going through regarding BSC FSIL!!!!)..  

    Sister needs a "Come to Jesus", Mother needs a "daughter is BSC and needs a Grow TF up", Brother needs a "Enjoy the venue - your Sister is BSC as is your Mom for enabling that kind of behavior" and the FSIL "RUN - Like the wind!  The BSC is going to continue so set your boundaries now!"
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW needs to tell her daughter to get over it! I used the same caterer, dress shop, stationer and photographer that a good friend of mine used 2 years prior to my wedding! Oh the horror! Luckily my friend was my friend and was glad to share all the info with me.
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    ILoveBeachMusic said:
    LW needs to tell her daughter to get over it! I used the same caterer, dress shop, stationer and photographer that a good friend of mine used 2 years prior to my wedding! Oh the horror! Luckily my friend was my friend and was glad to share all the info with me.

    I had a friend that got married a year and a half after me.  Once she announced her engagement I told her if she wanted the contacts to anyone that we had involved with our wedding (and our honest review of them), that I would be happy to pass it along. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and the reception is at the same venue I used.  

    I told my friend the bride that I went to a wedding there and I have JUST the dress. 

    But seriously, I can't get over this bullshit.   Maybe it's my years of being on TK or how life has moved from being in the phase of everyone getting married to getting four people out the door on time but I have so little patience for grown ups pulling the "I was first in line" card as if anyone else is banned  from having similar ideas.


    hahahaha! That's great :')
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and the reception is at the same venue I used.  

    I told my friend the bride that I went to a wedding there and I have JUST the dress. 

    But seriously, I can't get over this bullshit.   Maybe it's my years of being on TK or how life has moved from being in the phase of everyone getting married to getting four people out the door on time but I have so little patience for grown ups pulling the "I was first in line" card as if anyone else is banned  from having similar ideas.


    hahahaha! That's great :')
    I think she threatened to cut me.   

    Luckily she's one of my oldest friends, was IN my wedding and knew I was joking.  The only thing I don't love is that the menu changed in the last 9 years so I can't get my filet in mushroom gravy.
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