Pre-wedding Parties

rehearsal dinner and booze

FI and I have started to look at places for our rehearsal dinner. So far, our favorite venue, happens to be one of our favorite restaurants. The restaurant is a local and popular establishment with amazing food. Best of all, if we go with their pasta, pizza and appetizer buffet, it would be within our budget. Soft drinks are included. The only problem is, we cannot afford alcohol for the rehearsal dinner, and the small banquet room which we would utilize is located near the bar. The bar is outside of the banquet room, and is open to the public. I'm worried our guests will leave the room to buy their own drinks. Does that make us bad hosts? Should I figure out a way to squeeze alcohol into our budget or find another venue?     

Re: rehearsal dinner and booze

  • FI and I have started to look at places for our rehearsal dinner. So far, our favorite venue, happens to be one of our favorite restaurants. The restaurant is a local and popular establishment with amazing food. Best of all, if we go with their pasta, pizza and appetizer buffet, it would be within our budget. Soft drinks are included. The only problem is, we cannot afford alcohol for the rehearsal dinner, and the small banquet room which we would utilize is located near the bar. The bar is outside of the banquet room, and is open to the public. I'm worried our guests will leave the room to buy their own drinks. Does that make us bad hosts? Should I figure out a way to squeeze alcohol into our budget or find another venue?     
    You never have to host alcohol. It's nice if you can afford it, but you definitely don't have to. It does not make you bad hosts. 

    If you know your crowd is big drinkers though, is there anyway you could host just beer? Or beer and wine? Purchase pitchers or bottles for the tables? Would probably be cheaper than an open bar. Again, you definitely don't have to. But you also shouldn't tell your guests to go and purchase from the bar as that could be rude (not trying to imply you suggested this, just wanted to make a distinction). 
    SP29Jen4948ernursej
  • A dry event is completely acceptable in terms of etiquette.

    Because you are at a public establishment, you have no control over the bar. I think it's helpful that you are in a separate banquet room- it will be pretty clear what is and is not offered, and your guests would have to make the choice to get up and order a drink. If you are pre-picking a menu, you could make a couple of menu cards that you place along the table which state the meal being offered and soft drinks.
    charlotte989875
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited November 2016
    Would you ever, if not for the wedding label, host a dry event? Or expect to attend one? To me, unless you just don't drink at all, if you can't afford alcohol you can't afford the venue. 
    This.

    I've never hosted a non-alcoholic event.  And that includes kid's birthdays, baby showers and plain ole mother's day with my aunts and grandmother.

    I've never attended a dry event.  Those also include kids' parties, sunday's a grandma's and even funerals.

    There is nothing  wrong with dry events, it's just completely out of place in my world.  So too me at least like star moon said you can't afford the event.

    I feel like since you are already worried they will buy their own you should figure out how to expand your budget or find another place.   IMO, coming from a big drinking crowd, the RD's were not drunk fests.   Just limited the options.  Maybe have wine at the tables to limit people getting liquor.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2016
    banana468 said:
    I find it odd that your username is wineandlipgloss but alcohol is treated as an afterthought for your RD.

    IMO, alcohol is part of the event.   Budget for it like you do food.   If the food was so expensive that alcohol wasn't affordable then the food isn't that affordable IMO.    

    I know that this is a know your crowd situation but a dry event is unheard of in my family.   



    Alcohol is not "part of the event" unless the hosts choose for it to be. They have the right to not make that choice -- and, accordingly,  not to offer or pay for alcohol. Guests who "expect" it because they can't wrap their heads around dry events are being rude if they purchase alcoholic drinks at dry events or otherwise make an issue of the lack of hosted alcohol.
  • I think you're on the right track.   
    STARMOON44PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2016
    It's never rude to not serve alcohol, regardless of what "the crowd" thinks.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
      In my social group alcohol is always offered. Always.     It would like going to Thanksgiving dinner and not being served turkey.  It's not wrong to not have turkey on Thanksgiving, but you would be getting a bunch of WTF if there wasn't any.

    Right or wrong, that is how my social group rolls.   Banana and I come from similar experiences.  

      Food is VERY important to us (and our friends), but we would never pick a place where we couldn't provide alcohol also.    Actually that is why we had a welcome reception at our rental place.  We had a deli cater the food  and we provided all the alcohol.   Way cheaper than going to a restaurant and we were able to host way more people (over 100).

    There are ways to have your cake and eat it too, just sometimes takes little more searching.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    STARMOON44PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948 said:
    It's never rude to not serve alcohol, regardless of what "the crowd" thinks.
    Ok.
    MyNameIsNotcharlotte989875flantasticPrettyGirlLost
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    It's never rude to not serve alcohol, regardless of what "the crowd" thinks.
    But it can be done for silly reasons, which should probably be rethought.
    banana468PrettyGirlLost
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards