I'm really just here about some stupidity/asshole-ness going on.
Background: My parents were off-and-on my entire childhood, because my father is an abusive dick. My mother finally left him when I was 10/11. Shortly after she permanently got him out of the house, she met a really nice guy and started dating him. We moved in with him when I was 13. He has since become my step-father, and is an incredibly loving, good man. From the moment I met him, he was never pushy or demanding about making me trust him. He worked hard to earn my love and trust. He never once has cursed at me or my mother or siblings, never raised his hand to us, has always followed through with his promises, expressed an interest in us as more than just whatever bragging rights we can give him. I have seen my bio-dad about four times in the last 16 years.
Anyway, when my fiance and I became engaged, there wasn't a question of who would walk me down the aisle. It was just kind of given that it would my step-father. And my bio-dad didn't mention anything about it... until last month.
He called to discuss wedding stuff, asking what he should wear, so I told him I thought most of the guys would be in a less dressy suit, I'd obviously be in a wedding gown, but it's not necessarily the most formal wedding. He could wear whatever. He proceeded to say, "Well, yeah, but the father of the bride usually matches the groom and groomsmen, right?"
I was floored. I gently explained to him that I was having my step-dad walk me down the aisle. He got angry, said he wasn't going to watch another man walk me down the aisle, told me I had some thinking to do, and hung up. He then apparently called my older half sister (his daughter, raised by her mother) to complain to her. He admit to her that he KNEW he wasn't walking me down the aisle before he called. She immediately contacted me to console me.
The thing is, while I don't particularly like him, I would of course like him to be there... unless he's acting like a child. The plan was for him to carpool with my older sister up to the wedding. My older brother is officiating-- he's heavily involved in his church as a youth pastor, and is getting ordained for my wedding, but hopes it's not the last wedding he officiates. My bio-dad is choosing to miss his daughter's wedding, a road trip with another of his daughters (who, by the way, was looking forward to connecting with him after a lifetime of estrangement), and missing the first time his son officiates. And he's choosing to miss out on meeting my little sister's ten-month-old.
We are all angry with him throwing this fit, but I feel blessed that not one of my siblings is questioning my choice. Still, I wish he'd realize he's hurting more than me by choosing not to attend. This isn't even about my wedding-- it's about him choosing over and over again not to be present in his kid's lives, but putting the blame on us.
