How about you *talk* to your husband?

Re: How about you *talk* to your husband?

• drid member

  

  November 2016

  I don't have children, we're not TTC for a year or so, so I really don't have much experience, but I do enjoy practicing!
  
  That being said... make it fun again! I just get the feel from this letter that she's the one getting on his case when he's not home during the "fertile" window, and the whole focus on getting it on is just to make a baby. Which is important, but the poor guy probably hears all about not being home at the right time while he's gone, and then as soon as he gets home its not so much about "hey, I've missed you, I wanna jump your bones" and more "OMG NOW YOURE HOME YOU HAVE TO GET ME PREGNANT I CANT BELIEVE IT HASNT HAPPENED YET AND YOU WERENT HERE AT THE RIGHT TIME AND OMG"
  
  Just do it to do it!

  

  Report4 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  November 2016

  Seriously.   It's not that hard to talk about what the expectations are.
  
  -Hey, I anticipate that I should be fertile from the 5th to the 12th - any way you can plan to stay home?
  
  But beyond that, have they talked about future plans?   Will he continue to travel as much once she is pregnant?   When will he stop?   What about when there are children?   What is the expectation of his involvement if he has a busy schedule?   There isn't a one size fits all rule here and it seems like it would be nice if they had some understanding before baby (and his father) comes. 

  Report13 Reply
• bleve0821 member

  

  November 2016

  banana468 said:

  Seriously.   It's not that hard to talk about what the expectations are.
  
  -Hey, I anticipate that I should be fertile from the 5th to the 12th - any way you can plan to stay home?
  
  But beyond that, have they talked about future plans?   Will he continue to travel as much once she is pregnant?   When will he stop?   What about when there are children?   What is the expectation of his involvement if he has a busy schedule?   There isn't a one size fits all rule here and it seems like it would be nice if they had some understanding before baby (and his father) comes. 

  This.  I used to do a lot of traveling for work, and on only the rarest of occasions were the dates set in stone.  If they have been TTC for a year, it's highly likely that LW knows full well what her window is each month, and she needs to communicate that to her H so HE knows and can plan his travel accordingly.
  
  Or, you know, she could go with him occasionally.  Would a long weekend really be the end of the world?
  
  But.  I kind of get the sense that this could be deliberate.  Always traveling or too tired when LW is in her window of fertility?  Sure, it could be coincidence, but the suspicious part of me says this smells fishy.

  
  

  "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
  

  --Philip Pullman

  
  

  Report5 Reply
• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  November 2016

  Am I the only one who thinks that H isn't as ready to TTC as she is and uses his work as his way out?

  
  

  Report13 Reply
• charlotte989875 member

  

  November 2016

  He must know how conception works, so I'm thinking if he's "too tired" on the few times he is home, he's not as on board for TTC as LW thinks. 

  Report8 Reply
• Heffalump member

  

  November 2016

  If he can't even muster enough energy for sex, good luck with him getting up with the baby (on those rare occasions when he's home).

  Unless she's on board with almost-single parenting (or has a lot of help from family and friends and just needs his sperm), this doesn't sound like an optimal work schedule for raising kids.   

  �

  Report3 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  November 2016

  charlotte989875 said:

  He must know how conception works, so I'm thinking if he's "too tired" on the few times he is home, he's not as on board for TTC as LW thinks. 

  That's kind of my point.   And if he's "too tired" for sex, wait until there's a kid.
  
  Will he do evening wake up runs if he's "too tired"?   A full diaper isn't going to change itself.   
  
  DH and I didn't have all the answers before kids but there was an understanding that it took two of us to make the kids and the two of us needed to help raise them.       When I wasn't ready to TTC or he wasn't, we did this cool thing called TALKING. 

  Report6 Reply
• MissKittyDanger member

  

  November 2016

  Planning on being ready to TTC and actually TTC is different. Like others have said, I'm feeling he's not as ready as he anticipated and it getting nervous.

  Report0 Reply
• redwoodoriginal member

  

  November 2016

  This is hilarious to me bc we are TTC and I'm on a plane (delayed) as we speak (type) to accompany him OOT bc my fertile window is exactly the days he's OOT this month and I'll be damned if we miss this window of opportunity. 
  
  Why do people not talk to each other????

  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  

  Report11 Reply
• MissKittyDanger member

  

  November 2016

  redwoodoriginal said:

  This is hilarious to me bc we are TTC and I'm on a plane (delayed) as we speak (type) to accompany him OOT bc my fertile window is exactly the days he's OOT this month and I'll be damned if we miss this window of opportunity. 
  
  Why do people not talk to each other????

  this is committing to the TTC schedule

  Report4 Reply
• artbyallie mod

  

  November 2016

  MissKittyDanger said:

  redwoodoriginal said:

  This is hilarious to me bc we are TTC and I'm on a plane (delayed) as we speak (type) to accompany him OOT bc my fertile window is exactly the days he's OOT this month and I'll be damned if we miss this window of opportunity. 
  
  Why do people not talk to each other????

  this is committing to the TTC schedule

  Plus bonus vacation! Have fun!

  

  Report4 Reply
• kvruns member

  

  November 2016

  sounds like they should take some time off from TTC because it may have become like a chore to him and he is coming up with reasons to avoid it. 

  Report0 Reply
• redwoodoriginal member

  

  November 2016

  artbyallie said:

  MissKittyDanger said:

  redwoodoriginal said:

  This is hilarious to me bc we are TTC and I'm on a plane (delayed) as we speak (type) to accompany him OOT bc my fertile window is exactly the days he's OOT this month and I'll be damned if we miss this window of opportunity. 
  
  Why do people not talk to each other????

  this is committing to the TTC schedule

  Plus bonus vacation! Have fun!

  Haha thanks! It's mainly bc we had to start over after our loss in August and it's our last month of trying before we have to pause things bc of a possible move and new job (can't be pregnant and not have job security, we can't afford that) and we are hoping it'll work out this time. If not, I did get a sweet vacation out of it!

  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  

  Report1 Reply
• ei34 member

  

  November 2016

  Just looking at the title I thought this was going to be a question about dirty talk during sex. 
  The number of unplanned or surprise pregnancies always surprise me considering how much DH and I tracked my ovulation...TTC is defintely a two-person thing. 

  Report1 Reply
• MesmrEwe member

  

  November 2016

  Both of mine were "Method Surprise" - aka The charting is total BS IRL unless you're super lucky to have a perfectly measured body, the only thing charting ever did for me tell me the date I got PG with DD otherwise, not even our instructor's instructor's instructors could figure out anything on my chart and were baffled - up until the day I found out I was PG!  
  
  LW needs to CTFO and just go have fun with her H without a barrier and let things take their course.  Even if part of me thinks he's simply not ready yet and a guy too tired for sex - yea - on what planet...

  Report0 Reply