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Skipping the holidays to avoid evil SIL

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
I hate my brother’s wife. I have a perfectly good reason for this: She told my friends, boss, and everyone at the place I volunteer at that I had an STI for no reason I can perceive. (It wasn’t true, but even if it had been, that wouldn’t have been any of her, or their, business.) Obviously I will need to get over it eventually if she stays with the family. However, this came to a head last month and Christmas is coming up, when the whole clan gets together. I just can’t do it. Maybe next year I will have cooled down enough for frosty silence, but this year all it will take is one smirk from her for me to lose it. So do I have to tell my family (some know, some don’t) why I am skipping, leading to them picking sides one way or the other, or just lie that I am sick and leave it to my brother to tell them if he feels it necessary?

—I’d Rather Deck You Than the Halls

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Re: Skipping the holidays to avoid evil SIL

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    banana468banana468 member
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    Not attending let's this twatwaffle win.


    But if she must I'd say there are personal issues with her that prevent her from being comfortable in SIL's presence.
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    WWKD...  Stay home - A Christmas party is not a subpoena...  Don't lie but don't elaborate either unless specifically asked.
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    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    LW should just make other plans and see the family members she wants to see at a time when SIL will not be present.
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    DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    @short+sassy I like the way you think!
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    ShesSoCold said:
    I'd tell people who ask why I'm not attending. She's the asshole - not up to me to cover her shit up.
    This^

    If assholes are allowed free reign for their fuckery, the cycle never stops.  And this isn't even the typical, run of the mill family IL fuckery where it's best to turn the other cheek so as to maintain a relationship with the brother.

    This is malicious and cray cray fuckery.  I'd definitely have a conversation with my brother.  And I'd probably go to Christmas with my family, just try and arrange the timing so I could avoid her as a PP suggested, then leave when she and brother show up. 

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    short+sassy said:

    I like the LW's siggie.

    I think whatever the LW wants to do is fine.  Personally, I would either avoid the festivities and, if asked, tell people it is because SIL is an outrageous liar and I can't stand to be around her this year.  Or, go anyway.  Try to keep my cool and, if I can't or she says s**t, let her have it (verbally) and air her misdeeds out into the open.

    But, before all this, I would have already contemplated suing her in small claims court for slander.  That was a very serious/embarrassing allegation she made, that was false, to LW coworkers.  Maybe a small $500-$1,000 lawsuit would be a good lesson in the severity of blatant lies and the damage they can cause.

    That would be the perfect insert to OP"s Christmas card!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    firestar-2firestar-2 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I'd announce at the beginning of the festivities.

    "I realise I may not be as *in the holiday spirit* with certain people here, however, when certain people feel the need to inform co-worker etc that I have a (made up) STI, i don't for one second feel the need to play nice."

    Get it out the way, put it on her, and move on.
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    short+sassy said:

    I like the LW's siggie.

    I think whatever the LW wants to do is fine.  Personally, I would either avoid the festivities and, if asked, tell people it is because SIL is an outrageous liar and I can't stand to be around her this year.  Or, go anyway.  Try to keep my cool and, if I can't or she says s**t, let her have it (verbally) and air her misdeeds out into the open.

    But, before all this, I would have already contemplated suing her in small claims court for slander.  That was a very serious/embarrassing allegation she made, that was false, to LW coworkers.  Maybe a small $500-$1,000 lawsuit would be a good lesson in the severity of blatant lies and the damage they can cause.

    That would be the perfect insert to OP"s Christmas card!
    No lie - my paternal GF was notorious for pulling that type of crap to save postage...  (for context - he sent a letter threatening to sue for the family business back at every major event in my life down to the baptism of my daughter and he was in his 90's...  and he always timed it within the week before the event just to put the family on edge until we recognized his pattern and stopped getting worked up by it - I ultimately cut him out of my life and probably should have done it sooner than I did)...
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    MesmrEwe said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    short+sassy said:

    I like the LW's siggie.

    I think whatever the LW wants to do is fine.  Personally, I would either avoid the festivities and, if asked, tell people it is because SIL is an outrageous liar and I can't stand to be around her this year.  Or, go anyway.  Try to keep my cool and, if I can't or she says s**t, let her have it (verbally) and air her misdeeds out into the open.

    But, before all this, I would have already contemplated suing her in small claims court for slander.  That was a very serious/embarrassing allegation she made, that was false, to LW coworkers.  Maybe a small $500-$1,000 lawsuit would be a good lesson in the severity of blatant lies and the damage they can cause.

    That would be the perfect insert to OP"s Christmas card!
    No lie - my paternal GF was notorious for pulling that type of crap to save postage...  (for context - he sent a letter threatening to sue for the family business back at every major event in my life down to the baptism of my daughter and he was in his 90's...  and he always timed it within the week before the event just to put the family on edge until we recognized his pattern and stopped getting worked up by it - I ultimately cut him out of my life and probably should have done it sooner than I did)...

    While I think that's hilarious!  For the OP's insert, not your GF.  For your GF, there's really no postage to save.  Even a small claims lawsuit requires the defendant(s) to be officially served.

    But since it sounds like he never followed through, I guess he saved postage in being "formal" about what an obnoxious jerk he was.

    I mean if you're going to sue someone, even a family member.  Then just do it.  No need to mar weddings, funerals, baptisms, etc. with your vitriol. 

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, Giant Microbes has a heart shaped boxed set of some of the most common STDs. . . it even comes with Penicillin. . . they are all sitting on my desk in the lab, lol!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    *Barbie* said:
    OP should see if they sell those stuffed "germs" for whatever STI SIL told people she had. Then she should go to the party, and publicly present it (wrapped) to SIL and say something along the lines of, "i'm not sure why you felt the need to spread rumors about me having [STI] to my coworkers/boss, but i've decided to be the bigger person and forgive you. Merry Christmas - open your gift. [pause] Congratulations, now you have [STI]! Looks like I should notify your coworkers."


    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

    I cannot yes this enough.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    *Barbie* said:
    OP should see if they sell those stuffed "germs" for whatever STI SIL told people she had. Then she should go to the party, and publicly present it (wrapped) to SIL and say something along the lines of, "i'm not sure why you felt the need to spread rumors about me having [STI] to my coworkers/boss, but i've decided to be the bigger person and forgive you. Merry Christmas - open your gift. [pause] Congratulations, now you have [STI]! Looks like I should notify your coworkers."
    ThinkGeek has them.
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    DH gave me HIV (the stuffed microbe!) for Valentine's Day one year. I still have him.
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