Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Destination Weddings Discussions
Destination Weddings Discussions
New Discussion

To give wedding party gift or not

ally1978ally1978 member
First Anniversary
edited December 2016 in Destination Weddings Discussions
Planned a destination wedding.  Maid of honor bailed out about 4 weeks before the wedding.  We're having the bachelorette party at the destination so she will not be attending.  However, she did put in the time and money for the shower.  I have personalized wedding gifts for all of my girls in the wedding party that were ordered before she bailed.  Do I send hers to her after the wedding or not since she's not in the wedding anymore?
Report Reply to Post

Re: To give wedding party gift or not

  • geebee908geebee908 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Marlin1978 said:
    Planned a destination wedding.  Maid of honor bailed out about 4 weeks before the wedding.  We're having the bachelorette party at the destination so she will not be attending.  However, she did put in the time and money for the shower.  I have personalized wedding gifts for all of my girls in the wedding party that were ordered before she bailed.  Do I send hers to her after the wedding or not since she's not in the wedding anymore?
    I'd send it. You say she bailed, but I'm betting she had a change of circumstances that changed her ability to attend your DW. You may want to clarify why she can no longer attend. Since you already have it, you should give it to her if you value her friendship.

    Report Reply
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Why did she bail out of the wedding party? And what would you do with the gift if you didn't give it to her?
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I still would.   Since it sounds like your wedding is  potentially in the next 4 weeks, I am guessing that it's at a time of the year that's expensive and busy for a lot of people.   If you still want to have a friendship with her I'd give her the gift - especially if you didn't give her a hostess gift. 
    Report Reply
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I wouldn't. You bail on my wedding with 4 weeks notice and I'm not going to cut you out of my life or anything, but I'm not giving you a gift for it. 
    Report Reply
  • geebee908geebee908 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    levioosa said:
    STARMOON44 said:
    I wouldn't. You bail on my wedding with 4 weeks notice and I'm not going to cut you out of my life or anything, but I'm not giving you a gift for it. 
    I really think this depends on the situation.  I was in an accelerated program during my bff's wedding.  I was really upfront with her about the fact that I wouldn't know if I was able to attend the wedding until the last minute.  It depended on how forgiving my instructors were and whether or not I had an exam scheduled for that weekend.  I ended up losing half a letter grade because I missed one day for her wedding. But if it had been more, I would have had to forgo her wedding.  Future > wedding.  I'd also give a pass for things like job loss, death, injury, etc.  
    I agree that we don't have enough information. OP used the word bail, but there's another side to this that we're not hearing. How often do BMs bail for no good reason?
    Report Reply
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    In my experience, brides who are on the fence about giving someone (who planned their shower) a gift are not always the nicest people.  So I also want to know what precipitated this "bailing."  Did she flake, or did a straw finally break her back?

    If she up and decided she'd rather stay in and watch Netflix that weekend, then I guess you don't have to give her a gift--although I would, since she threw you a shower.  (And as @KatWAG pointed out, what are you going to do with a personalized gift for someone else, anyway?  It's not like you can return it.)  But like the others, I think that's an unlikely scenario.

    �
    Report Reply
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You should send her a TY note and possibly gift for hosting your shower. Though technically if she is not standing up in your wedding, you wouldn't need to give her a gift (because there is nothing to say TY for), but it would depend on the reason she can no longer attend. If it's because it's something out of her control, I'd still give it to her as a gesture of friendship. If she literally flaked 4 weeks out, I wouldn't.
    Report Reply
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Are we ever going to find out why she bailed? 

    Report Reply
  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    CharmedPam said:
    Are we ever going to find out why she bailed? 

    Somehow I doubt it...oh well!
    Report Reply
  • ppgbebppgbeb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    CharmedPam said:
    Are we ever going to find out why she bailed? 
    Well it all depends on why she bailed, like everyone else is saying. We cannot give accurate advice without the whole story!

    If she just bailed for no specific or logical reason, then still give her the present for planning your entire shower, what else would you do with it? Do not throw it away!

    If she bailed because of money, family, death or something she cannot help, do not punish her for not being able to come, if she did not want to attend she would have never said yes or planned your shower! Remember now we have Facetime and everything, so if it is something she cannot control, to comfort you, maybe y'all could still Facetime on the big day so she can still "be apart" of your wedding.

    Everything will work out for the best and you'll have an amazing wedding day regardless! Do not let that bring you down on your big day! :)
    Report Reply
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2016
    Why do people think rules for DWs are any different than rules for local weddings?  I don't understand this thinking.  Sure the PROBLEMS are different, but not the rules.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    My H's sister was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids.  She was in military college and slacked on putting in for leave early enough.  When she tried to do it too late, her CO told her "tough shit" and that she could see the wedding from the video.  So not only wasn't she a BM anymore, she wasn't even there.

    After the wedding, on the first occasion that she was able to come back to NY and H & I met up with her for drinks, I gave her her gift.

    Yeah, it was her fault she couldn't make it, but I'd bought her the gift, I liked her, and as far as I was concerned, it was hers to have.  On her end, she was ecstatic I wasn't pissed at her.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards