Good on paper, not feeling it between the sheets

Re: Good on paper, not feeling it between the sheets

• DrillSergeantCat member

  

  December 2016

  Is the sex bad or are you just in your head about it? If you're in your head about it, then you can focus on what feels good instead of who you're with. If it's just bad, you can try to give pointers and see if that helps.

  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  December 2016

  Chemistry isn't everything, but it is important too.  If you can't wait to get out of the room, something isn't quite right.

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• bleve0821 member

  

  December 2016

  DrillSergeantCat said:

  Is the sex bad or are you just in your head about it? If you're in your head about it, then you can focus on what feels good instead of who you're with. If it's just bad, you can try to give pointers and see if that helps.

  This is where I am.  Is it weird because they were friends first and now the dynamic of that relationship has changed?  Or is it weird in a more tangible way?  Has LW, I dunno, tried talking to this guy?

  
  

  "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
  

  --Philip Pullman

  
  

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• MissKittyDanger member

  

  December 2016

  Sex can't be everything in a relationship. At some point, one of you could have a health situation where a dr says sex may not be a thing anymore {long story, but yes it can happen}
  
  Chemistry isn't just sexual, maybe try looking at other points of the relationship.

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• missJeanLouise member

  

  December 2016

  Oh @AtomicBlonde and your silly logic. Talking? Who does that?
  
  Early relationship sex can be awkward but if this is something else (needing to rush out is a red flag) she needs to examine exactly what is happening.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  December 2016

  This was a red flag for me in a previous relationship that I ignored. I stayed with this person for 5 years, and I was miserable. Yes, sex is not everything, but if you don't connect intimately, it can be a disaster. At least it was for me. He was my best friend, but after all those years, sex not only was a chore - I wished to avoid it completely. 

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  December 2016

  As you probably know, H is my high school boyfriend's best friend. We spent a lot of time together as friends.

  When we started dating, it was really weird for me. I'd look at him and think, "This is so weird - this is Brian that I'm sleeping with".

  After ten years together I still get a weird "this is Dan's best friend" feeling every so often.

  So it could be something like that, or it could be bad chemistry or bad sex. If this guy is otherwise as great as he seems, I'd try to work on it.

  
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  December 2016

  Is it it like @ShesSoCold and it's weird to be banging your old pal turned lover?  Hmmm. . . I dunno how you get over that, lol.
  
  Or is it a technique thing?  Talk to him about it.
  
  Or is it something literally feels weird?  Talk to your OBGYN, lol.
  
  It really sounds like it's the 1st situation- she's kinds squwikked out sleeping with her friend.  That might turn into permanent friend zone status.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  December 2016

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  Is it it like @ShesSoCold and it's weird to be banging your old pal turned lover?  Hmmm. . . I dunno how you get over that, lol.
  
  Or is it a technique thing?  Talk to him about it.
  
  Or is it something literally feels weird?  Talk to your OBGYN, lol.
  
  It really sounds like it's the 1st situation- she's kinds squwikked out sleeping with her friend.  That might turn into permanent friend zone status.
  

  You just bang a lot and it reduces with time.
  

  
  

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• baconsmom member

  

  December 2016

  Pot. 
  
  Oh, and talking, that'll help, too. But this letter is scant on details, so, you know. I recommend drugs. 

  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  December 2016

  baconsmom said:

  Pot. 
  
  Oh, and talking, that'll help, too. But this letter is scant on details, so, you know. I recommend drugs. 

  
  That too helped me!!

  
  

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• drunkenwitch member

  

  December 2016

  As Dan Savage says, sex is 5% of a relationship when you're having it and 95% when you're not. Sure, the sex in any LTR ebbs and flows but if the chemistry isn't there you can't force it and ultimately you will be unhappy. 

  

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• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  December 2016

  baconsmom said:

  Pot. 
  
  Oh, and talking, that'll help, too. But this letter is scant on details, so, you know. I recommend drugs. 

  I was going to say get drunk and try again!

  
  

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