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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
I want to avoid the holiday sauce without questions
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
I am a young professional in my mid-20s, and I have recently decided to stop drinking alcohol due to habits that I think could lead to alcoholism (alcoholism runs in my family and I have scheduled a doctor’s appointment to discuss this with a professional). However, I’m not sure how to handle all of the holiday parties that are coming up, especially with friends. It seems like everyone wants to meet up for drinks or catch up over a beer, and I think they will ask why I’m not partaking. I don’t want to tell them the real reason right now, and I feel embarrassed that I’ve developed poor drinking habits. I just don’t want to be the only sober person when everyone else is drinking, because I know I’ll want to join in. I’ve skipped one holiday party for that reason. Do you have any advice on how I should handle this? Should I just suck it up and sip on a seltzer water at the bar?
—No Grog for Me
I am a young professional in my mid-20s, and I have recently decided to stop drinking alcohol due to habits that I think could lead to alcoholism (alcoholism runs in my family and I have scheduled a doctor’s appointment to discuss this with a professional). However, I’m not sure how to handle all of the holiday parties that are coming up, especially with friends. It seems like everyone wants to meet up for drinks or catch up over a beer, and I think they will ask why I’m not partaking. I don’t want to tell them the real reason right now, and I feel embarrassed that I’ve developed poor drinking habits. I just don’t want to be the only sober person when everyone else is drinking, because I know I’ll want to join in. I’ve skipped one holiday party for that reason. Do you have any advice on how I should handle this? Should I just suck it up and sip on a seltzer water at the bar?
—No Grog for Me
Re: I want to avoid the holiday sauce without questions
However, I find it a little troubling that LW said, "I just don’t want to be the only sober person when everyone else is drinking, because I know I’ll want to join in." This could just be FOMO for LW, but it could also be a sign of a more immediate problem.
Kudos, though, to LW for recognizing and making strides towards healthier drinking habits. That's not easy to do, or to admit.
You'll hear these stories sometimes. And I always wonder, "Who are these people that question a person's beverage choice?" I rarely notice what someone is drinking...unless its TOO much alcohol! But even if a normally "drunky friend" started staying sober at parties, I wouldn't ask why.
If it was a woman, I might start wondering if she was preggers, lol. But I still wouldn't ask.
LW could always put in a small appearance at the party but not stay long. That way s/he can visit with the friends and family they want to see, but not stay long enough where drinking may be tempting.
Also, drinking something that may look alcoholic may stop people from asking questions. Having most any soda with a wedge of lemon or lime floating in it will most likely make people assume there is alcohol in the drink. That would at least keep the questions away.
When I finally decided I needed to sober up, I was honest with people. "I've been drinking too much and I need to cut back." What was shocking was how much support I had, b/c I had friends worried about my consumption levels, but they were not sure how to approach me.
And it is hard, b/c even if you don't physically want the drink, you mentally and emotionally do, b/c alcohol = fun. Alcohol = most fun gatherings. I switched to asking people out for coffee, sandwiches, or even to just take a walk, since the goal is to chat, not get drunk. I had to change what celebrations were in my mind, b/c "lots of rich food and alcohol" is really the cultural standard for celebrations. It's a journey in progress.
I'd just tell LW not to be embarrassed. If it's a professional setting, just "I'm cutting back" would be fine, but if it's personal, just tell people the reason. Your friends are supposed to be a support network and it's time to cull the herd if they're not going to be.
I also bring my own drinks and they're special drinks, like a favorite punch with sparking water or something, so that I have something special in my hand too.
I usually just say (on the rare occasion that someone asks), "I've become allergic," or "It doesn't agree with me."
I simply put out a selection of options, alcoholic and non alcoholic and say "help yourself". Whatever people choose to drink is their business, not mine. I would never dream of questioning what's is someone else's glass. Now, if I do have a friend who has quit drinking or doesn't drink, I do make sure to have their favorite non alcoholic drink of choice as an option.