Couple things...FIL have been very vocal about the disapproval of our wedding plans (not fancy enough). We are paying for wedding. They are constantly giving input. They also don't think our guest list is extensive enough (only included 1st aunts/uncles and cousins).
MIL wants to throw me a shower (which I know is nice) but I'm quiet and shy and really just want one shower (both sides and friends) planned by my sister and mother...I suppose they could work together. Perhaps I'm extra frustrated by her lack of respecting our wishes. To me showers are about coming together as one family. MIL not happy about only having one shower. I'm partially worried that if she plans it people who are not invited to wedding will get invited to the shower (which I know is not appropriate). Am I being a bridezilla?
Answers
The only concern I would have is, are your Mom and Sister able to host that many guests at one shower (your side, his side, friends)? If not, then having MIL throw a shower for her side may be more appropriate. If Mom and Sister can handle it, then I'd let your MIL know what is already being planned and ask her for a list of who she'd like to see invited. You do not have to invite every single one of these guests, but you are at least taking her opinion into consideration.
So what does "didn't go over well" mean? And/or how has she been disrespectful in the past?
The bolded part is true... but I did have a shower (despite hating showers) because it was incredibly important to H's mom. Throwing parties is one of her favorite things. It would have been well within my rights to say no to it, but I said yes because she's an important person in my life and it was going to make her happy. I don't feel like my arm was twisted. If she was just genuinely upset, not threatening/manipulative, I'd consider having the second shower rather than standing by the decision for the decision's sake. If she was being more controlling about it, then absolutely stand your ground and set those boundaries.
But if she is excited and wanting to do things for you, you absolutely can decline. But remember this woman is going to be in your life forever and you'll have to deal with her. Sometimes family can be a delicate balancing act and you don't want to start things off on a bad foot over something trivial (not saying that's what this is, it's just hard to tell from your posts).