Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie76085272
member
Not Inviting a Relative's Spouse
My fiancé does not like his cousin's wife. He has stated multiple times that he doesn't want to invite her to the wedding. From what I understand she hasn't done anything to him specifically, he just think she's a nasty, rude woman. I think his cousin would possibly still come, even if his wife isn't invited.
Being that the invitation is coming from my parents saying "Mr. and Mrs. … request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter" won't that come across as if we don't want her there?
I personally don't care if she is there or not as I've only met her twice, but I find it awkward/rude not to invite her. I don't think she would cause any drama. What is the proper etiquette? Should I just include her anyway? I don't want to go against my fiancé's wishes, but I don't want to be the cause of further drama either.
**UPDATE to original post**:
I misunderstood my fiancé. (While he's not a fan of his cousin's wife, she is invited.) It is a business partner/friend's wife who he doesn't want invited. She has said some nasty things about my fiancé and his family, and I can't fault him for not wanting her there. I've never met her.
He talked to his business partner about it when we got engaged, and he understands. (Sadly, his BP's marriage is not a healthy/happy one. I'm only saying that because others assumed her being excluded would cause a rift in the relationship between my fiancé and his business partner, or the BP's marriage.) I think I have to side with my fiancé on this one. We shouldn't feel obligated to pay for/invite someone to our wedding when they've insulted the groom, simply because they're still married to one of the invited guests.
I don't feel I need to be defensive here. I just didn't want people jumping to conclusions about my fiancé as it seems the responses I got were quite heated.
Thanks!
Being that the invitation is coming from my parents saying "Mr. and Mrs. … request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter" won't that come across as if we don't want her there?
I personally don't care if she is there or not as I've only met her twice, but I find it awkward/rude not to invite her. I don't think she would cause any drama. What is the proper etiquette? Should I just include her anyway? I don't want to go against my fiancé's wishes, but I don't want to be the cause of further drama either.
**UPDATE to original post**:
I misunderstood my fiancé. (While he's not a fan of his cousin's wife, she is invited.) It is a business partner/friend's wife who he doesn't want invited. She has said some nasty things about my fiancé and his family, and I can't fault him for not wanting her there. I've never met her.
He talked to his business partner about it when we got engaged, and he understands. (Sadly, his BP's marriage is not a healthy/happy one. I'm only saying that because others assumed her being excluded would cause a rift in the relationship between my fiancé and his business partner, or the BP's marriage.) I think I have to side with my fiancé on this one. We shouldn't feel obligated to pay for/invite someone to our wedding when they've insulted the groom, simply because they're still married to one of the invited guests.
I don't feel I need to be defensive here. I just didn't want people jumping to conclusions about my fiancé as it seems the responses I got were quite heated.
Thanks!
Re: Not Inviting a Relative's Spouse
That said, you don't have to tolerate nastiness from her. If she is rude at the wedding, I'd ignore her unless she makes a scene or the situation gets otherwise out of hand, in which case a venue staffer or security personnel can ask her to leave and escort her away. But you do not owe her any more attention than a polite hello and thanks for coming if she and your FI's cousin are invited and attend.
The only acceptable reason to not invite a couple together to an event is that the person left off the invitation has tried to break up the B&G, has been violent in the past, or could potentially steal things from your guests.
It's rude to ask people to come celebrate your love and commitment and then refuse to acknowledge the love and commitment of your guests by excluding their significant other. So either invite them both or invite neither. Unless you're having an extremely small wedding, the amount of actual time you'll have to spend with this woman is likely very small. You'll be busy with all of your guests, pictures, etc.
I misunderstood my fiancé. (While he's not a fan of his cousin's wife, she is invited.) It is a business partner/friend's wife who he doesn't want invited. She has said some nasty things about my fiancé and his family, and I can't fault him for not wanting her there. I've never met her.
He talked to his business partner about it when we got engaged, and he understands. (Sadly, his BP's marriage is not a healthy/happy one. I'm only saying that because others assumed her being excluded would cause a rift in the relationship between my fiancé and his business partner, or the BP's marriage.) I think I have to side with my fiancé on this one. We shouldn't feel obligated to pay for/invite someone to our wedding when they've insulted the groom, simply because they're still married to one of the invited guests.
I don't feel I need to be defensive here. I just didn't want people jumping to conclusions about my fiancé as it seems the responses I got were quite heated.
Thanks!
If the coworker and his wife do have a poor marriage, maybe she won't attend? My DH hated his GM's girlfriend at the time of our wedding...we obviously invited her, but she declined (GM didn't want her there- they've since broken up).
And it was still rude of your fiancé to go discussing with someone about how they don't like their spouse and don't want her at the wedding. He's being rude just about any way you cut this situation.
ETA: I fail to see where responses got heated. No one said your fiancé is a horrible person, however, his actions in this case are in fact very rude. You can go ahead and try to justify it all you want and decide you're ok with doing it, but it doesn't change the fact that it is a rude action.
My oldest, dearest, closet, truest friend used to be married to someone, who I can only describe as, and I am being very kind here, an obnoxious know it all loud mouthed jackass. I detested that man with the white hot fire of a thousand suns. I always invited him when I invited her. I was polite and civil and because if that I did not alienate my friend.
When she did finally leave him the friendship was still in tact and I could be there to support her.
My point: dealing with people you don't like is part of life. It just is. You have to learn how to navigate that or become a shut in. You have no idea what the future will hold, so destroying a friendship over an annoying person us not worth it.
Invite both or neither.
If it's still unhappy, then she might not even be in the picture anymore or might not come at all.
2 wrongs do not make a right.
Dont invite the business partner or his wife. Problem solved. If his business partner has a problem with it, then your fiancé can have a frank talk about why, and say he didn't feel right inviting just BP without wife. BP can then state he would like to come anyways (sans wife) if he so chooses. BP's the one with the crazy wife. Everyone says "you don't know their marriage" but I'll bet you a dollar that BP has been passed up on social events before because of his wife (and he knows it).