He Wants Groomsmen but I Don't Have Anyone to Be My Bridesmaids

Knottie1469083495 · January 2017

My future husband and I are really looking forward to our wedding but one thing that keeps stressing me out is our wedding party. He is a very social person and absolutely loves making friends, which he has a ton of. I, however, am very antisocial and prefer to not make friends, which is why I have none. The last time I tried the whole friendship thing was about 3 years ago and it ended horribly. I am honestly fed up with investing time and energy into friendships that never seem to work out one way or another. Now that I'm getting married, this is a problem. I know your bridesmaids are supposed to be the people that you are close to and want to have stand by you on your big day but no one meets that standard for me. I have no sisters, I either don't like my cousins or they are way too young, and I have no friends of either gender (for those who were about to suggest any male sides). I feel like the title of "mother of the bride" is too special to ask my mom to be a bridesmaid too, out of not wanting to take that away from her. My only option is my fiancee's teenage sister, whom I hardly know and I feel like I'd only be asking her out of obligation. I also know she wouldn't want to be the only girl standing up there as she is 17 and immensely self-conscious and insecure with herself.

I know it would break my fiancee's heart to ask him not to have a wedding party at all because he loves his guys like they were his brothers. He shouldn't have to sacrafice what he is so excited for due to my lack of socializing. So I'm forced now to throw together some type of bridesmaids assembly to keep everyone but me happy or brave my side alone up there and have his be filled with anywhere from 3-6 guys. My mom has argued that I need to have somebody up there with me, at least a maid of honor. She's insisting I fill it with my aunt (who is in her mid 30s) as my maid of honor, my future SIL, and my two cousins who are 16 and 9. However, I don't want that. I've already begun the process of accepting being up there alone because I really don't want to settle on having people I'm not close to. How bad would it look to be standing up there alone with no bridesmaids and only have groomsmen on my fiancee's side? Another suggestion I've seen made is splitting the groomsmen to stand on both sides but I really don't know them either and they are my fiancee's friends; they're going to want to stand and support his side. I know people are going to talk and judge but I just don't know how bad it'll come across. I'm really at a loss of what to do. Serious help is needed.

P.S. please no comments asking me about my disinterest in making friends, I've seen too many threads that look like therapy sessions and I want to stay focused on the problem at hand. I just need feedback and reassurance on what to do. Thank you!

TrixieJess · January 2017

So don't have a bridal party. My FI isn't having any groomsmen, it's not a big deal.

If you feel that your antisocial behaviour is getting un the way of your life, I would seek out counselling.

missfrodo · January 2017

Knottie1469083495 said:

My future husband and I are really looking forward to our wedding but one thing that keeps stressing me out is our wedding party. He is a very social person and absolutely loves making friends, which he has a ton of. I, however, am very antisocial and prefer to not make friends, which is why I have none. The last time I tried the whole friendship thing was about 3 years ago and it ended horribly. I am honestly fed up with investing time and energy into friendships that never seem to work out one way or another. Now that I'm getting married, this is a problem. I know your bridesmaids are supposed to be the people that you are close to and want to have stand by you on your big day but no one meets that standard for me. I have no sisters, I either don't like my cousins or they are way too young, and I have no friends of either gender (for those who were about to suggest any male sides). I feel like the title of "mother of the bride" is too special to ask my mom to be a bridesmaid too, out of not wanting to take that away from her. My only option is my fiancee's teenage sister, whom I hardly know and I feel like I'd only be asking her out of obligation. I also know she wouldn't want to be the only girl standing up there as she is 17 and immensely self-conscious and insecure with herself.

I know it would break my fiancee's heart to ask him not to have a wedding party at all because he loves his guys like they were his brothers. He shouldn't have to sacrafice what he is so excited for due to my lack of socializing. So I'm forced now to throw together some type of bridesmaids assembly to keep everyone but me happy or brave my side alone up there and have his be filled with anywhere from 3-6 guys. My mom has argued that I need to have somebody up there with me, at least a maid of honor. She's insisting I fill it with my aunt (who is in her mid 30s) as my maid of honor, my future SIL, and my two cousins who are 16 and 9. However, I don't want that. I've already begun the process of accepting being up there alone because I really don't want to settle on having people I'm not close to. How bad would it look to be standing up there alone with no bridesmaids and only have groomsmen on my fiancee's side? Another suggestion I've seen made is splitting the groomsmen to stand on both sides but I really don't know them either and they are my fiancee's friends; they're going to want to stand and support his side. I know people are going to talk and judge but I just don't know how bad it'll come across. I'm really at a loss of what to do. Serious help is needed.

P.S. please no comments asking me about my disinterest in making friends, I've seen too many threads that look like therapy sessions and I want to stay focused on the problem at hand. I just need feedback and reassurance on what to do. Thank you!

It sounds like you are set on not having a bridal party on your side, and just having your FI's groomsmen stand up on his side, which is fine. Have you heard the expression, "other people's opinions of me are none of my business"? It might help if you think of that when you worry what people will think of your uneven bridal party. Presumably, most of your family already knows you're antisocial, so it won't come as a surprise to them. The next time your mom brings it up, tell her you have it under control and change the subject.

lnixon8 · January 2017

Don't worry about splitting the groomsmen or where they stand. If the pictures end up looking awkward then just don't choose them for your album/print them out/put them on facebook.

climbingsingle · January 2017

Knottie1469083495 said:

My future husband and I are really looking forward to our wedding but one thing that keeps stressing me out is our wedding party. He is a very social person and absolutely loves making friends, which he has a ton of. I, however, am very antisocial and prefer to not make friends, which is why I have none. The last time I tried the whole friendship thing was about 3 years ago and it ended horribly. I am honestly fed up with investing time and energy into friendships that never seem to work out one way or another. Now that I'm getting married, this is a problem. I know your bridesmaids are supposed to be the people that you are close to and want to have stand by you on your big day but no one meets that standard for me. I have no sisters, I either don't like my cousins or they are way too young, and I have no friends of either gender (for those who were about to suggest any male sides). I feel like the title of "mother of the bride" is too special to ask my mom to be a bridesmaid too, out of not wanting to take that away from her. My only option is my fiancee's teenage sister, whom I hardly know and I feel like I'd only be asking her out of obligation. I also know she wouldn't want to be the only girl standing up there as she is 17 and immensely self-conscious and insecure with herself.

I know it would break my fiancee's heart to ask him not to have a wedding party at all because he loves his guys like they were his brothers. He shouldn't have to sacrafice what he is so excited for due to my lack of socializing. So I'm forced now to throw together some type of bridesmaids assembly to keep everyone but me happy or brave my side alone up there and have his be filled with anywhere from 3-6 guys. My mom has argued that I need to have somebody up there with me, at least a maid of honor. She's insisting I fill it with my aunt (who is in her mid 30s) as my maid of honor, my future SIL, and my two cousins who are 16 and 9. However, I don't want that. I've already begun the process of accepting being up there alone because I really don't want to settle on having people I'm not close to. How bad would it look to be standing up there alone with no bridesmaids and only have groomsmen on my fiancee's side? Another suggestion I've seen made is splitting the groomsmen to stand on both sides but I really don't know them either and they are my fiancee's friends; they're going to want to stand and support his side. I know people are going to talk and judge but I just don't know how bad it'll come across. I'm really at a loss of what to do. Serious help is needed.

P.S. please no comments asking me about my disinterest in making friends, I've seen too many threads that look like therapy sessions and I want to stay focused on the problem at hand. I just need feedback and reassurance on what to do. Thank you!

Genuinely curious as to what the bolded comment means.

Don't have a MOH or bridesmaids. It's fine. Your FI can still have his groomsmen. They will all stand on his side.

kimmiinthemitten · January 2017

If you're that self conscious about it then his groomsman could always sit instead of stand as well.

And while its it's part of your banned topics, I must say if it bothers you that much, you're clearly not okay without having friends.

SP29 · January 2017

Don't pick people out of obligation.

Discuss with your FI, perhaps he can consider having one person stand up beside him. Or you can decide together to have no WP at all. Doesn't mean his friends aren't his friends.

Or, let him pick his GM to stand up beside him, while you have none. Or have his GM process up the aisle but sit in the front row when they get there.

southernbelle0915 · January 2017

If you want stand up alone, do it. So your FH wants to have 6 dudes in the WP? Let him and don't feel pressure to conform. Your choice is to stand alone. His choice is to have 6 GMs. Who cares? (Your mom does, but just stop talking to her about this, as it's not her call and it's obviously stressing you out.) If you're truly comfortable with your choice to skirt the whole friendship thing, then it shouldn't bother you to have none on your side and whatever on his side.

If your main concern is symmetry during the ceremony, have the GMs process, but be seated during the ceremony. That's not uncommon in certain types of ceremonies.

MesmrEwe · January 2017

I'd talk to your FI for what he thinks on asking his sister to be in the WP (take out the BM & GM titles since you've got a complex dynamic). If he says he'd like her in the WP - go ahead, let her choose her own dress. That doesn't mean that she's the MOH, just that she's in the WP if she accepts.

ETA: Yes, let him have as many standing up with him as he'd like.. It's about compromise...

ei34 · January 2017

I've seen MOB's as the MOH or a BM...if you want your mom to double as a member of your WP, go for it. Other than that, I'd shy away from assembling a BP willy-nilly.
I'm all for opposites attract, but you and your FI sound pretty different in terms of personality and socializing preferences. Picking a BP won't be the only time that you preferring to not have friends and him being social will pose a problem. ("Problem" used loosely- you could have 0 BM's and he could have 13 GM's and you wouldn't be any less married at the end of the day- but the issue has stressed you out, as you said.) This would be something I'd bring up during your pre-marital counseling sessions, when you have a chance to voice apprehensions.

Jen4948 · January 2017

It's okay to have no bridesmaids while your FI has groomsmen.

There is no requirement that sides have to be equal.

peachy13 · January 2017

My friend got married a few years ago and asked me and 6 others to be in her bridal party. Like OP, her fiance was not really close to anyone and he was totally fine with that. However my friend and the families kind of forced him to create some kind of wedding party. He did end manage to round up 4 guys, and let me tell you, it was a stretch. I'm talking a guy he worked with in high school, two male cousins he hadn't seen in years, and one of the bridesmaids' husbands who he had literally never hung out with on his own. Still, I could tell on their wedding day that the groom was really comfortable and happy that he had his own crew for the day.

It sounds like OP has people way closer to her than this person had, and so maybe it's a thought to form a wedding party with your mother's suggestions (and your cousins' ages don't matter at all, honestly). It's really fun getting ready with your bridal party the day of your wedding, taking pictures with them, and dancing with them at the reception. Also, including people in your wedding and asking them to be bridesmaids is really a nice thing.

Just a thought though, really. If you go the route of not having a wedding party, go for it. It will be noticeable if you have no one and your fiance has 6 groomsmen, but it will be also be totally fine.

levioosa · January 2017

This is an open forum, so people can comment however they like.

Friends are important, and you clearly aren't okay with your current friend status. You don't need to be like your FI, with a ton of friends, but just having one or two good friends is healthy.

Ditto PPs. If you don't want BMs, don't have them, but let your FI have whoever he wants on his side.

littlestmonkey · January 2017

In UK weddings the wedding parties don't generally stand up with the bride and groom - they sit in the front row and just the MOH and BM stand with the couple. My Dad also stood up next to me until we had said our vows and were declared husband and wife. Then everyone sat for the remainder of the ceremony. If you/your mother/the groom are concerned with how it looks you could have the BM stand up with the groom and then your dad/whoever-is-escorting-down-the-aisle could stand with you so there is one person on each side.

ernursej · January 2017

I really like the idea of having the groomsmen walk up the aisle and then sit down during the ceremony. I've always hated standing up on display so this sounds like a fair compromise. You can get some really cute photos of you with your groom and all the groomsmen. DOn't worry about the uneven sides. Whatever you decide to do, let your Mom know that the topic is closed for discussion.

Knottie1469083495 · January 2017

For those of you being helpful, thank you! To clarify my lack of friends, it's a preference and I'm perfectly ok with it. I'm just very introverted and prefer not to have extra unnecessary people in my life because I quite frankly don't like most people. Call me pessimistic or whatever but I'm completely fine with where I'm at socially. Besides, that part of my question isn't really of anybody's concern here. I'm asking for suggestions on my WP, not myself as an individual. Not having BMs is truly ok with me, I'm more worried because I know it'll bother my fiancee and my immediate family and I try to be a people pleaser for those few people who are important to me in my life. I'll be sure to look into how we may be able to have his groomsmen proceed in but have them sit in the front.

lnixon8 · January 2017

Knottie1469083495 said:

For those of you being helpful, thank you! To clarify my lack of friends, it's a preference and I'm perfectly ok with it. I'm just very introverted and prefer not to have extra unnecessary people in my life because I quite frankly don't like most people. Call me pessimistic or whatever but I'm completely fine with where I'm at socially. Besides, that part of my question isn't really of anybody's concern here. I'm asking for suggestions on my WP, not myself as an individual. Not having BMs is truly ok with me, I'm more worried because I know it'll bother my fiancee and my immediate family and I try to be a people pleaser for those few people who are important to me in my life. I'll be sure to look into how we may be able to have his groomsmen proceed in but have them sit in the front.

What part will bother him? That people will notice? Not being symmetrical? I will admit that when i was planning and said my bridesmaids would be choosing their own dresses H was initially kind of annoyed/confused just because he had never seen it done before. But if your fiance is bothered that you don't like most people, that's another issue. Is he pressuring you into asking his sister?

southernbelle0915 · January 2017

Knottie1469083495 said:

For those of you being helpful, thank you! To clarify my lack of friends, it's a preference and I'm perfectly ok with it. I'm just very introverted and prefer not to have extra unnecessary people in my life because I quite frankly don't like most people. Call me pessimistic or whatever but I'm completely fine with where I'm at socially. Besides, that part of my question isn't really of anybody's concern here. I'm asking for suggestions on my WP, not myself as an individual. Not having BMs is truly ok with me, I'm more worried because I know it'll bother my fiancee and my immediate family and I try to be a people pleaser for those few people who are important to me in my life. I'll be sure to look into how we may be able to have his groomsmen proceed in but have them sit in the front.

Y'all need to have a pretty honest conversation about why it would bother him.

If it's because he's only ever seen weddings with "even sides" and can't picture things any other way, just google image pics of uneven wedding parties. If that's truly the only reason, he should be totally fine with it after seeing that it's a "thing".

If it's because he thinks you should be more social and have friends, y'all really need to have some deeper discussion. As you said, you're fine with being socially isolated. He's marrying you and that's part of the package. If he's uncomfortable with the mere symbolism of no close friendships that comes with a lack of WP, y'all need to seriously consider what it's going to mean for your social lives down the road.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2017

Knottie1469083495 said:

For those of you being helpful, thank you! To clarify my lack of friends, it's a preference and I'm perfectly ok with it. I'm just very introverted and prefer not to have extra unnecessary people in my life because I quite frankly don't like most people. Call me pessimistic or whatever but I'm completely fine with where I'm at socially. Besides, that part of my question isn't really of anybody's concern here. I'm asking for suggestions on my WP, not myself as an individual. Not having BMs is truly ok with me, I'm more worried because I know it'll bother my fiancee and my immediate family and I try to be a people pleaser for those few people who are important to me in my life. I'll be sure to look into how we may be able to have his groomsmen proceed in but have them sit in the front.

If you are truly ok with not having any BMs, then that's what you tell your FI and your family, and then you leave it at that.

Your FI can have as many GMs as he wants, and they can stand up with him if that's what he really wants, sit down, whatever he wants. . . and that's what you tell him, and that's what you tell your family and anyone else who brings this topic up:

"I'm totally fine with not having any BMs and I think it's great FI is having Mo, Larry, Curly, Shemp, Jose, and Fabio standing up with him. It's great he has such great friends. So how about this weather we're having?!"

But statements like these lead me, and it seems other PPs, to suspect that you actually aren't fine with having no BMs or friends:

Knottie1469083495 said:

I know people are going to talk and judge but I just don't know how bad it'll come across. I'm really at a loss of what to do. Serious help is needed.

I'm more worried because I know it'll bother my fiancee and my immediate family and I try to be a people pleaser for those few people who are important to me in my life.

People who are confident and at peace with themselves and their choices don't tend to give any fucks about what other people think, and they don't compromise their choices to appease others.

This is why threads turn into therapy sessions. . . if you were actually ok with not having BMs and friends you wouldn't even be here seeking advice, right? You would have just told everyone "This is what I'm doing" and been done with it.

He Wants Groomsmen but I Don't Have Anyone to Be My Bridesmaids

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