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Invited via text to destination wedding

Knottie10724897Knottie10724897 member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiancé and I were invited via text to a destination wedding (in Mexico) that is coming up in just a few months (beginning of April). Is this incredibly rude or am I missing something? 

It's unlikely that we'll go as we're obviously planning a wedding of our own but I wanted to get thoughts from the crowd on the etiquette of this. It basically feels as though we're being invited to an elopement given the destination and short notice.
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Re: Invited via text to destination wedding

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Knottie10724897 said:
    My fiancé and I were invited via text to a destination wedding (in Mexico) that is coming up in just a few months (beginning of April). Is this incredibly rude or am I missing something? 

    It's unlikely that we'll go as we're obviously planning a wedding of our own but I wanted to get thoughts from the crowd on the etiquette of this. It basically feels as though we're being invited to an elopement given the destination and short notice.

    Do you think this it for the invitation or just some friends giving you a heads up?
    image
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    kimmiinthemitten said:
    Knottie10724897 said:
    My fiancé and I were invited via text to a destination wedding (in Mexico) that is coming up in just a few months (beginning of April). Is this incredibly rude or am I missing something? 

    It's unlikely that we'll go as we're obviously planning a wedding of our own but I wanted to get thoughts from the crowd on the etiquette of this. It basically feels as though we're being invited to an elopement given the destination and short notice.

    Do you think this it for the invitation or just some friends giving you a heads up?
    that is what I was wondering.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Knottie10724897Knottie10724897 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    I think this is it for the invitation. The groom texted my fiancé and said they need a final head count for the travel agent asap so we need to give them our answer in the next few days.  :o
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Sounds like a follow up to an already sent invitation that you might not have gotten for whatever reason.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2017
    lyndausvi said:
    Sounds like a follow up to an already sent invitation that you might not have gotten for whatever reason.
    You may be on to something, @lyndausvi. Is there any polite way to clarify this with the couple?

     I find it bizarre that anyone would invite someone to a destination wedding via text, but my husband was once invited to a (local) wedding 2 days beforehand via FB message so who knows.

    Either way, I don't think you can entirely ignore it. At the very least you should let them know you're not coming (if that is a final decision) in case there was some sort of mix-up with the invites.
    image
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  • Knottie10724897Knottie10724897 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Unfortunately, no to most of the above. We were not B listed and we did not accidentally not receive an invitation. In fact, my fiance is friends with the guy they asked to be the best man, and they just asked him last week (via a phone call). They have not sent out any sort of formal invitation or save the date and seem to just be inviting people via phone or text to the wedding. We did know they were engaged and they have been for awhile but never had set plans for the wedding until about a week ago  :|
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Knottie10724897 said:
    Unfortunately, no to most of the above. We were not B listed and we did not accidentally not receive an invitation. In fact, my fiance is friends with the guy they asked to be the best man, and they just asked him last week (via a phone call). They have not sent out any sort of formal invitation or save the date and seem to just be inviting people via phone or text to the wedding. We did know they were engaged and they have been for awhile but never had set plans for the wedding until about a week ago  :|

    Yeah, that would get a hearty "hell no" from me. 
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    MandyMost said:
    If people want to have a casual wedding with no invitations, that's fine. I bet you get invited out to dinners/drinks/hanging out with friends regularly via text, and you don't need a written invite for that. But it's also just as easy to say "Thanks! Nah, I can't make it that day! Have fun!". Do the same thing for this invite.

    If you DO want to give reasons why you're saying No, then it's easy to just say "Thanks for the invite. Mexico in April sounds like a great time. We usually plan our travel further in advance (or we've already planned other vacations, or we won't have time to budget for it, or we're too caught up in our own wedding planning to go on a trip right now), but hope you have an awesome time and I can't wait to see pics". 
    Yeah but wedding >>>> drinks/dinner with friends. I got invited via text to one wedding and it was a backyard deal with family and like 10 friends and they were only getting married because he needed the dental insurance. It STILL felt a little....odd. There would have been time to mail an invite asking for an email or phone RSVP (or, most of us who attended were coworkers, so she could have handed invites out at work, grade-school-birthday-party style).
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2017
    That would make me very... uncomfortable.

    I would also be wondering if I was B-listed and asked only to fill a minimum, and how legitimate the invite was. But OP, it sounds like this couple is SUPERRRR casual. Which is fine, but the B&G also have to realize that being so casual and last minute means less guests are likely to attend.

    Fine for you to decline the invitation. "Sorry, we can't make it".

    MandyMost said:
    If people want to have a casual wedding with no invitations, that's fine. I bet you get invited out to dinners/drinks/hanging out with friends regularly via text, and you don't need a written invite for that. But it's also just as easy to say "Thanks! Nah, I can't make it that day! Have fun!". Do the same thing for this invite.


    True. But the formality of the invitation should match the formality of the event. Some would argue (we've had this discussion a few times before on TK), that a wedding is by definition a formal event, even if it's not FORMAL.

    And we're also talking about a destination wedding in the OPs case. Most people require more than 3 months to plan and book time off work for a specific date and location.

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've gotten invites like that for friends literally inviting next to no one to their DW - Not my favorite, but it happens.  
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  • mrose88mrose88 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    I feel like I'm in the extreeeeeme minority here, but I honestly would only care about getting a text invite if it left me without all the information I needed. As long as I know what you're asking me to do, where, and when, I truly don't care what form it comes in. Is it a little surprising/weird to get a text/e-vite/ Facebook invite? Sure. But my general vibe on it is, "meh-- it's their thing." 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    A wedding is a major life event, it's not just another 4th of July BBQ.

    Being so casual and laid back that you can't be bothered to send actual invitations just comes across as lazy to me.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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