An odd situation

kayrahhbear · December 2010

SO and I have been talking lately about getting engaged. We've picked out a ring together and he sent it to be sized today.

Before he proposes he's really concerned about asking my father's permission. My dad and I are very close, but he's incarcerated so we don't talk on a regular basis. SO can't go visit him to talk about it because the jail doesn't let non-family visit, and dad doesn't call since the collect charges are so high.

We communicate mostly through letters. SO is worried that asking him in a letter would seem too impersonal. I'd love to hear your opinions.

Is a letter impersonal? Should I write dad and ask him to call?

I'm really stumped here.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Can you pay for the collect call so your Dad can speak with your BF?

kayrahhbear · December 2010

Yeah, it wouldn't be a big issue to pay for the call. I would just need to write him first to get him to call. They get 10 minutes, I hope that would be enough time for them to talk.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In a way, I think you might be getting ahead of yourself the more I think about it. While you have talked about marriage, it doesn't mean he is going to pop the question anytime soon. Guys work on their own schedule with that kind of thing.

And not to be mean or anything, but would you wait until your Dad is out of jail so he can see you get married?

misskrysbaby · December 2010

I agree with Missy a bit. I think you should let your BF know that he can write your Dad, maybe give him the address to send it to, so he can write his own letter on his own time. You truly don't know when he's going to propose, so let him do it on his own time and give him options to contacting your Dad if he wants to.

redheadfsu · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_odd-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:9ab9e65c-4c7d-41fa-9e5b-140e91e6cab1Post:01b00e08-7c96-40b0-9d28-4a5544d7c3fd">Re: An odd situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Missy a bit. I think you should let your BF know that he can write your Dad, maybe give him the address to send it to, so he can write his own letter on his own time. You truly don't know when he's going to propose, so let him do it on his own time and give him options to contacting your Dad if he wants to.
Posted by misskrysbaby[/QUOTE]

This. Just because you BF bought the ring doesn't necessarily mean he will ask you soon. Some guys buy the ring and wait years to ask & others ask the next day. Give your BF the info on how to contact your dad & he can do it when he is ready.

polarice · December 2010

I think despite the expense, this is something that you guys need to do. Are you afraid he may say no, or give you guys a hard time? I think despite the cost of that call, it wouldnt take very long and I really believe it should be done.

kayrahhbear · December 2010

I guess I made the question muddled. He's been asking about the best way to talk to my dad. I just wasn't sure if it would be better to have Dad call or for BF to write. But I think I'll have him call.

Sorry for the silly question.

kayrahhbear · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_odd-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:9ab9e65c-4c7d-41fa-9e5b-140e91e6cab1Post:d4482be8-c9b8-4bea-91c2-342ef34b737c">Re: An odd situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In a way, I think you might be getting ahead of yourself the more I think about it. While you have talked about marriage, it doesn't mean he is going to pop the question anytime soon. Guys work on their own schedule with that kind of thing. And not to be mean or anything, but would you wait until your Dad is out of jail so he can see you get married?
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

<div>That's not mean, we are waiting for Dad to get out before we get married. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div>

tldh · December 2010

I think a letter is a wonderful old fashioned gesture. There's nothing impersonal about it.

redheadfsu · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_odd-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:9ab9e65c-4c7d-41fa-9e5b-140e91e6cab1Post:578beae0-d0cf-4aa7-af74-85e88442ed63">Re: An odd situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I made the question muddled. He's been asking about the best way to talk to my dad. I just wasn't sure if it would be better to have Dad call or for BF to write. But I think I'll have him call. Sorry for the silly question.
Posted by kayrahhbear[/QUOTE]

A letter is fine, whatever way your BF is comfortable doing it is fine. I'm sure your father would understand.

HeatherParises · December 2010

Good luck with this, but I agree with the other fellow knotties, make sure you are surprised and also just let your BF do this. You want to give him access to your dad and that sounds what you are doing, but let your fiance take control on this

. I find it very respectful of both of you to care about your fathers opinion.

garcias1 · December 2010

I think a letter would be nice. People love getting mail, and I'm sure your Dad looks forward to letters from the people that he loves. If your BF writes him a letter, he can ask you Dad to call him upon receiving the letter. BF can pay for the collect call and get the chance to speak with him over the phone.

An odd situation

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