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RSVP question

Knottie1452981685Knottie1452981685 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A family friend of my fiancé was excited we are getting married. However, she mentioned to him to put her down for 11 people! Her husband, kids, her brother his wife, their parents. How do I word the RSVPs so others like her can only bring 2 or whatever number we alllow? I know we address on the envelope exactly who it is for but some people will still assume their whole family. Would something along the lines of this be too rude? "We have reserved ____ seats for your name" thank you!!
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Re: RSVP question

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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1452981685 said:
    A family friend of my fiancé was excited we are getting married. However, she mentioned to him to put her down for 11 people! Her husband, kids, her brother his wife, their parents. How do I word the RSVPs so others like her can only bring 2 or whatever number we alllow? I know we address on the envelope exactly who it is for but some people will still assume their whole family. Would something along the lines of this be too rude? "We have reserved ____ seats for your name" thank you!!
    As PP alluded, that will only work for those who are genuinely confused. Might save you a little trouble, and is fine, but you probably will still have to call said lady to say, "Sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invite was only for you and husband. Can we still expect you two?"
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    ernursejernursej member
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    On the envelope, list the people that are invited. You could do a customized RSVP card with their names already written on the line. If she adds names or leads you to believe that she will come with her whole family, a phone call will have to be made. "Hi Jane, I received your RSVP card today. I'm sorry for the confusion but the invitation was just for you and John. Can we still expect the two of you?"
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2017
    R.s.v.p.
    "There are two places reserved in your honour."
    ____Accept          ____Send regrets
    ____Accept          ____Send regrets
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    downtondiva said:
    When someone has the nerve to ask you to invite her entire family to your wedding, I can guarantee you she'll find a way to RSVP for everyone no matter how you put the response card. Unfortunately, this is probably going to require an awkward phone call once you get her response.

    THIS! 

    You can add the line of text telling the recipient how many seats are allotted to them, but it is unlikely that someone who would mention to your FI that she is going to bring a total of 11 people would follow the directions anyway! Also I feel like writing in "we have reserved ___ seats" gives some people the idea that they can then invite whoever they want to fill in their allotted seats if someone who was invited can't make it.

    The best thing to do is properly address the envelopes to whomever you want to include (use the children's names instead of "and family", and always name the SO instead of calling them "and guest").  If they RSVP with anyone that isn't written on the envelope (i.e. cousin Frank instead of their son Jack), you are well within your rights to call them up and say, "I am sorry if there was any confusion, but the invitation was for You, John, and Jack only.  I hope that you will still be able to make it."

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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Agree with the PPs, but some people are just astounding!

    I could never in my wildest dreams picture a scenario where I would utter something along the lines of, "Thanks for the invite!  Put me down for 11."

    It's tough to think of the right words when surprised, but it's too bad she wasn't cut off right away with, "We haven't finalized our guest list yet but, if we invite your brother's family and your parents, they will each receive their own invites."

    That's the lovely way to put it.  If it had been me, I probably would have blurted out without thinking, "What are you talking about?  I'm not inviting all those people!"

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Who does that?

    You can put "____ seats have been reserved in your honour", but realize guests may still RSVP for more. You will have to call up these guests and let them know the invitation was only for them (and their SO or whoever you actually meant to invite).
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2017
    I'm wondering if there is a cultural misunderstanding?  I know in the islands, invitations are for everyone you can think of.     We invited a couple from the islands who added their adult daughter.   Which we allowed, because she was their driver also.   She ended up bringing a date (unknown to us).   It was a cultural thing.  In their culture the more the merrier.  Everyone brings their whole family or a friend or 2.  It's just what they do.

    I would just contact them to let them know the invitation is just for them.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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