Wedding Etiquette Forum

Seating?

Hi all, long time lurker, first post. I can't find much on the subject so if this can just be directed to another thread, let me know. Getting married in May, 230-some person wedding. Doing a sweetheart table, letting my guests sit with their SO's, all that jazz. I asked both my parents and FI's parents if they wanted to sit together, or if they'd each like their own table. They opted for the latter option. So, I asked them at some point to let me know who they'd like sitting at their tables with them, so when I go to start the seating chart, I have some point of reference to go off of. 
I was not expecting my mom to be so....worried. (Or to worry about it so far away still).
So, tables seat 10. My mom said she would like her mother, her sister and her husband, and two of my dad's siblings and their spouses. These three sets of aunts and uncles have all been incredibly important in my life. Now my mom is worried that her seating arrangement might breach etiquette. My mom has two other siblings, and my dad has two other as well. These aunts and uncles are all married as well and have grown families. I'm not too worried about it, but I just want to make sure there wasn't a particular set of etiquette when it comes to seating. She wants to ask other family members if they would be okay with that arrangement, but I told her she should hold off on that, because I think that would just be an awkward conversation. All thoughts and opinions welcome. Thank you! 

Re: Seating?

  • I don't think there is etiquette pertaining to parents' tables. For DD's wedding, SIL's parents had close friends instead of cousins (they have no siblings) sit at their table. NBD. If people complain about it that is rude on their part.
    That was my thought. I can't imagine anyone feeling slighted, especially when these aunts and uncles haven't seen me in the better part of a decade. Thank you!
  • I think it's fine. You can't make the tables any bigger so there is no configuration for them all to sit together. 

    For my wedding we let my parents and H's parents choose their tables as well, and it all worked great. Or at least no one said if they had a problem with it. 
  • My situation was VERY similar to yours, OP.  There's no real cut & dry etiquette rule regarding this.  If memory serves me, I had 2 uncles fly in from AZ for the wedding, so those uncles & aunts sat with my parents.  We may have just left the other 2 seats open... (idk, it was 4 years ago).

    Don't sweat it.

    And change your name & stick around!
  • As long as they have a seat, particularly if seated with others they know, they shouldn't complain. Hopefully everyone is adult enough to know that with that many siblings, they can't all sit at the same table, even if they do view sitting with your parents as a greater honor.

    My parents sat with my one grandparent who came, the aunt who usually escorts her, some family friends who likely wouldn't know anyone else, and maybe another aunt and uncle? I don't remember. If anything, I'd consider who may be attending who will only know you or your parents - that might be a better choice for their table, hosting-wise.
  • As long as they have a seat, particularly if seated with others they know, they shouldn't complain. Hopefully everyone is adult enough to know that with that many siblings, they can't all sit at the same table, even if they do view sitting with your parents as a greater honor.

    My parents sat with my one grandparent who came, the aunt who usually escorts her, some family friends who likely wouldn't know anyone else, and maybe another aunt and uncle? I don't remember. If anything, I'd consider who may be attending who will only know you or your parents - that might be a better choice for their table, hosting-wise.
    Luckily, everyone on my side of the family is pretty close and all knows one another. FI's side however is going to be a challenge O_O
  • She's not breaching any etiquette rules. I mean there are only so many chairs at each table. Sometimes adult siblings aren't going to sit at the same table. Just the way it is. 

    Tell her not to worry about it. If her side of the family complains about this, it's because they're complainers, not because she did anything wrong.
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  • As long as SOs are seated together and minors are seated with their parent(s), you're good to go!
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  • Agree with the above- nothing wrong with your seating plan. Don't have your Mom talk to her family about it- there is nothing to talk about, because she/you are doing nothing wrong. Bringing it up makes it into an issue when it isn't. You sit where you sit.
  • Tables only hold so many people.  Your guests will be able to look around the room and see that.  As long as everyone is seated with their SO (and others they know and like, if possible) you're fine. 
    My mom is one of 9 and my dad is one of 5...obviously not every last aunt and uncle was seated at their table.  There was no grumbling (that I'm aware of).  Smart of you to have consulted with your mom on this- good luck!  :)
  • As long as SOs are seated together and minors are seated with their parent(s), you're good to go!

    Now here's a question for you @artbyallie Several of my cousin's children are in their mid-to- late teens. They all know eachother and get along so I was thinking I would sit them together. Faux pas or no?
  • As long as SOs are seated together and minors are seated with their parent(s), you're good to go!

    Now here's a question for you @artbyallie Several of my cousin's children are in their mid-to- late teens. They all know eachother and get along so I was thinking I would sit them together. Faux pas or no?
    I always kind of liked it when I was a teen/young adult and was seated away from my parents; it made me feel more...adult-y. But definitely it's a know your crowd thing, if you think they might cause trouble maybe they should be split up. We always appreciated extra cousin time together :) 
  • As long as SOs are seated together and minors are seated with their parent(s), you're good to go!

    Now here's a question for you @artbyallie Several of my cousin's children are in their mid-to- late teens. They all know eachother and get along so I was thinking I would sit them together. Faux pas or no?
    Not a faux pas.
  • Man, I can't imagine being like, 15 and having to sit with my parents. I would say "small children need to sit with parents", not minor parents. Mid-late teens should sit with their cousins and peers.
  • When I was 11 I attended a family wedding. My brother, my cousins, and I were not only not seated with our parents, we were seated in a separate part of the room. Our parents trusted that we could handle ourselves and not need supervision, and that we would come and get them if it was necessary. It wasn't. I think everyone was relieved that they didn't have to supervise us.

    I know it isn't like that in every family, but at the same time, I don't think "children under 18 need to be seated with their parents at all times" needs to be a blanket rule either. It can depend on family dynamics and other situational factors.
  • Thanks all!  These have all been really helpful. Mom is much more at peace with this :) 
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