Wedding Etiquette Forum

hor d'oeuvres and wine reception timeline

Hi again,
At the moment we have 2 differant options for our wedding.
Ceremony and then lunch immediatly following with cash bar (ick!) at a hotel which we feel is very short, costly and the place holds no special meaning and that cash bar really annoys me but the alochol prices are far too high. 
Or at our home that we just purchased together with a ceremony in our backyard then a reception where guests are able to be inside or outside enjoying hor d'oeurves and wine with music. The only down fall is that we wouldn't have enough table space for all guests but there would be some tables and luckily with it being mainly family they dont mind, they always host the same way and since it indoor and outdoors we are saving on a tent by buying umbrellas just incase people choose to be outside if it rains or for ceremony. Just to be clear though we would have enough chairs for all. What would a proper timeline be for a day time hor d'oeuvres wedding though would 1pm until 4pm work? 

Thank you in advance.




Re: hor d'oeuvres and wine reception timeline

  • Hi again,
    At the moment we have 2 differant options for our wedding.
    Ceremony and then lunch immediatly following with cash bar (ick!) at a hotel which we feel is very short, costly and the place holds no special meaning and that cash bar really annoys me but the alochol prices are far too high. 
    Or at our home that we just purchased together with a ceremony in our backyard then a reception where guests are able to be inside or outside enjoying hor d'oeurves and wine with music. The only down fall is that we wouldn't have enough table space for all guests but there would be some tables and luckily with it being mainly family they dont mind, they always host the same way and since it indoor and outdoors we are saving on a tent by buying umbrellas just incase people choose to be outside if it rains or for ceremony. Just to be clear though we would have enough chairs for all. What would a proper timeline be for a day time hor d'oeuvres wedding though would 1pm until 4pm work? 

    Thank you in advance.





    Cash bar is a no-no. Skip that venue completely unless you can figure out how cover drinks. It is perfectly acceptable to go non-alcoholic or just serve beer/wine.

    There is nothing wrong with appetizers and beverages at a non-meal time. I would go with 2pm-5pm. Having chairs for every bum is great but you need to have additional tables for people to put their drinks and food on. There are lots of rental places that have smaller tables that could be scattered around your home where the chairs are. I would re-think your rain plan. If it does rain, you cannot hold an umbrella + plate + drink at the same time to be outside. Can your house accommodate your guest list if everyone needs to be inside? If not, re-think your guest list or find another venue that will work for poor weather.

  • Absolutely do not have a cash bar. Few things are ruder than passing off to guests the costs of what is supposed to be a thank-you for attending one's wedding.

    I prefer your second option, but you need enough tables as well as chairs. If save-the-dates and/or invitations (including verbal suggestions that invitations will follow) haven't gone out, consider trimming your guest list down to a number that can fit around tables.

  • Sounds like you need to either cut back the guest list to those you can afford to host fully or push back your date to save for the type of wedding you'd like to have. 

    You can't have a cash bar with the lame excuse that you can't afford it nor can you put people outside with only umbrellas as a rain plan using the lame excuse that you can't afford a tent. Those excuses mean you can't afford to host in that particular venue with that number of guests.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2017
    If there aren't enough tables, how will people eat? By balancing plates, napkin, silverware on their laps and putting their drinks on the floor next to them? Ladies might also have purses they have to put on the floor.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • The better option (and the one you seem to prefer) is clearly #2. I think anything between the hours of 1-6pm would be fine, though I would err on the later side (maybe 2-5 or 2-6).

    I agree with other posters that you should consider renting tables (even just high tops) so that people can have a place to set their food and drinks. The rain plan is also iffy-- umbrellas would still mean folks are caught in the rain. Would you be able to host all people inside your home if it rains? If not, I'd really consider renting a tent. 

    I'd also consider hiring someone to operate a jacket (if it's jacket weather) and/or purse check in a room in your home. It sounds like you're envisioning a mill-around cocktail style party versus one where most people will sit the whole time. That will be more comfortable for your guests if they have a safe place to store their things so they aren't lugging them around. 



  • Thank you all for the advice. We've shopped around for tents and luckily found a company with reasonable prices so we have them coming out today to see if our backyard is able to have one. With the tent and home being available yes there would be enough room for all of them if bad weather happens. As for cutting guest list I already have and am not able to anymore and putting off the wedding isnt an option either as we've done that once before already. 

    There will be tables people can sit at if needed just not enough for everyone at the same time, is that still a problem? 

    Thanks again for all the help, we do feel option 2 is best so long as we can tweek it just a tad to be better for our guests. 
  • Thank you all for the advice. We've shopped around for tents and luckily found a company with reasonable prices so we have them coming out today to see if our backyard is able to have one. With the tent and home being available yes there would be enough room for all of them if bad weather happens. As for cutting guest list I already have and am not able to anymore and putting off the wedding isnt an option either as we've done that once before already. 

    There will be tables people can sit at if needed just not enough for everyone at the same time, is that still a problem? 

    Thanks again for all the help, we do feel option 2 is best so long as we can tweek it just a tad to be better for our guests. 


    That is great that you are looking into a tent. I think that is really taking into consideration your guests' needs.

    If it is passed appetizers, I think it is less of a problem with tables, but it could still be a problem. I hate putting plates of food on my lap if I'm sitting and if standing, trying to shake hands and balance everything won't work. Tables for everyone would be nice.

  • I think if your plan is to just have food available (passed or buffet) with no set time dedicated to eating, then it doesn't matter if there is enough table space for everyone to use at once. 
  • mrose88 said:
    I think if your plan is to just have food available (passed or buffet) with no set time dedicated to eating, then it doesn't matter if there is enough table space for everyone to use at once. 
    You wouldn't say that if your were a 66 year old woman with a cane.  (ME!)
    There must be a seat for every butt, and a table on which to put the plates and glasses!  Otherwise, I'm out of there.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    mrose88 said:
    I think if your plan is to just have food available (passed or buffet) with no set time dedicated to eating, then it doesn't matter if there is enough table space for everyone to use at once. 
    You wouldn't say that if your were a 66 year old woman with a cane.  (ME!)
    There must be a seat for every butt, and a table on which to put the plates and glasses!  Otherwise, I'm out of there.
    Obviously OP should take stock of who her guests are and make decisions based on those realities. While I agree with the "butt for every seat" rule, the "table space for every plate and glass to be set down at the exact same moment" rule is simply not necessary for every type of event.  
  • I understand feeling that you can't cut your guest list any further, but technically you can cut your guest list until it's just the two of you, your officiant, and maybe a witness if necessary. That's all that's absolutely necessary for you to be married at the end of the day.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2017
    mrose88 said:
    CMGragain said:
    mrose88 said:
    I think if your plan is to just have food available (passed or buffet) with no set time dedicated to eating, then it doesn't matter if there is enough table space for everyone to use at once. 
    You wouldn't say that if your were a 66 year old woman with a cane.  (ME!)
    There must be a seat for every butt, and a table on which to put the plates and glasses!  Otherwise, I'm out of there.
    Obviously OP should take stock of who her guests are and make decisions based on those realities. While I agree with the "butt for every seat" rule, the "table space for every plate and glass to be set down at the exact same moment" rule is simply not necessary for every type of event.  
    Maybe for a short cocktail hour, but if the cocktails and hors d'ouevres are the main course of a meal, then you need tables!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    mrose88 said:
    CMGragain said:
    mrose88 said:
    I think if your plan is to just have food available (passed or buffet) with no set time dedicated to eating, then it doesn't matter if there is enough table space for everyone to use at once. 
    You wouldn't say that if your were a 66 year old woman with a cane.  (ME!)
    There must be a seat for every butt, and a table on which to put the plates and glasses!  Otherwise, I'm out of there.
    Obviously OP should take stock of who her guests are and make decisions based on those realities. While I agree with the "butt for every seat" rule, the "table space for every plate and glass to be set down at the exact same moment" rule is simply not necessary for every type of event.  
    Maybe for a short cocktail hour, but if the cocktails and hors d'ouevres are the main course of a meal, then you need tables!
    This event isn't planned for a meal time.

    I agree with others that you don't need designated table space for everyone unless you're having a seated dinner (buffet, stations, or served). What the OP is planning is an afternoon cocktail party. You don't need a table for everyone at a cocktail party.

    Picture it like any party at your home. If you're having a dinner party you clearly can only invite as many people as can fit around your dining table. But if it's not a dinner party, you can invite as many as can reasonably fit in your space with the ability to sit down if they want. 
  • Not having seating for everyone invited only works if you're hosting an open house type of event which doesn't work for a wedding reception.
  • CMGragain said:
    mrose88 said:
    CMGragain said:
    mrose88 said:
    I think if your plan is to just have food available (passed or buffet) with no set time dedicated to eating, then it doesn't matter if there is enough table space for everyone to use at once. 
    You wouldn't say that if your were a 66 year old woman with a cane.  (ME!)
    There must be a seat for every butt, and a table on which to put the plates and glasses!  Otherwise, I'm out of there.
    Obviously OP should take stock of who her guests are and make decisions based on those realities. While I agree with the "butt for every seat" rule, the "table space for every plate and glass to be set down at the exact same moment" rule is simply not necessary for every type of event.  
    Maybe for a short cocktail hour, but if the cocktails and hors d'ouevres are the main course of a meal, then you need tables!
    She will have some tables - but not every guest needs to sit down with a plate of food at the exact same moment. Of the 50ish people at her wedding, I'm sure many won't need to sit for a full two hours and may only sit down for a few minutes to grab some food
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