How long after the wedding is too late for a celebration of marriage?

Re: How long after the wedding is too late for a celebration of marriage?

• STARMOON44 member

  

  January 2017

  If you're having a wedding with guests in the summer, I guess I don't see the need for a bigger "wedding" celebration, especially since you've already cancelled once and then decided not to invite these people to the wedding. Personally, why not just have a party? And invite people to it? 

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  January 2017

  That's what I had in mind. No PPD trappings, just a party. Food, music, maybe some games.

  

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• Ro041 member

  

  January 2017

  Married in the summer or fall and Celebration of marriage after surgery in December?  I don't think that is an unreasonable timeline.  Friends and family will understand the timeline for sure.  I'm sure FW wants to be well for the party!

  
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2017 edited January 2017

  I think a celebration of marriage party is appropriate within about one year of the ceremony.  I would probably start to find it a bit weird longer than that (the specifically calling it a "celebration of marriage" part).  I certainly wouldn't think it was rude, or anything like that, and it wouldn't stop me from going.  Just more of a passing, "Huh, they got married two years ago, seems a little odd to have a celebration of marriage party now.  But I know it will be fun, can't wait to get my dancing shoes on!"

  It sounds like you all would be planning it within a year of the ceremony anyway, I was just giving my specific answer to the question.

  @OurWildKingdom, I know it's still a ways off, but I'm sorry to hear your FW needs major surgery.  Ugh!

  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  January 2017

  I think as long as you keep the upcoming marriage to immediate family only you will be okay.  Obviously take them out to dinner after the ceremony, and then plan a nice party for when FW is feeling better and invite whoever you want.  I would send out marriage announcements also, so people will know once you've tied the knot.

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• SaintPaulGal member

  

  January 2017

  I know this isn't what you want to hear, but a celebration of marriage party wouldn't make me feel any better about being dis-invited from the real thing.
  
  Standard PPD advice applies, even though I completely understand that what you are describing is not a PPD.  Why have two events when you can just have one?  If you want to get married and you want to celebrate your marriage with these individuals--individuals you already chose to invite to your wedding, I might add--why not just have a ceremony followed by a reception all in one go?

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  January 2017

  My point was that I don't think you should be calling it a celebration of marriage party. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  January 2017

  Generally, I think around 6 months, 9 at the max. Once you start getting close to a year you may as well have an anniversary party.

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• kahluakoala member

  

  January 2017

  SaintPaulGal said:

  I know this isn't what you want to hear, but a celebration of marriage party wouldn't make me feel any better about being dis-invited from the real thing.
  
  Standard PPD advice applies, even though I completely understand that what you are describing is not a PPD.  Why have two events when you can just have one?  If you want to get married and you want to celebrate your marriage with these individuals--individuals you already chose to invite to your wedding, I might add--why not just have a ceremony followed by a reception all in one go?

  
  I think she's having a completely private wedding and then a party, not a wedding with some people and a party with more people. In which case, it makes sense to me - get married privately this summer / fall, FW has her surgery in December, and then after her recovery party it up. Is this accurate @OurWildKingdom?
  
  

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• SaintPaulGal member

  

  January 2017

  KahluaKoala said:

  SaintPaulGal said:

  I know this isn't what you want to hear, but a celebration of marriage party wouldn't make me feel any better about being dis-invited from the real thing.
  
  Standard PPD advice applies, even though I completely understand that what you are describing is not a PPD.  Why have two events when you can just have one?  If you want to get married and you want to celebrate your marriage with these individuals--individuals you already chose to invite to your wedding, I might add--why not just have a ceremony followed by a reception all in one go?

  
  I think she's having a completely private wedding and then a party, not a wedding with some people and a party with more people. In which case, it makes sense to me - get married privately this summer / fall, FW has her surgery in December, and then after her recovery party it up. Is this accurate @OurWildKingdom?
  
  

  That's better than picking and choosing a select few who get to attend the real wedding, but I still don't see the point.  If a private wedding is what you want, then just own that and forego any wedding-related parties.  If you want to celebrate your wedding with friends and family, invite them to your wedding. The party is the expensive part anyway; it literally costs zero additional dollars to let the guests attend the ceremony, and you will avoid the hurt feelings that come from this sort of half-in, half-out invitation. 

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• SP29 member

  

  January 2017

  southernbelle0915 said:

  Generally, I think around 6 months, 9 at the max. Once you start getting close to a year you may as well have an anniversary party.

  This.
  

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  January 2017 edited January 2017

  You are correct, @KahluaKoala.
  
   I can see everyone's points. I just wish I knew what we both really wanted. There's a part of me that wants the private wedding (with or without the celebration of marriage), and a part of me that still wants the big wedding, even though it means saving up for it and waiting. FW wants the private wedding before her surgery. I guess I just need to get that through my head. I don't want to be selfish, but I do want to share our wedding with all the people we love.
  
  Then again, eloping has its appeal. . .

  

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• ei34 member

  

  January 2017

  I think as long as your wedding this summer is truly private, (just you two, no immediate family) I wouldn't get the PPD feel.  I'm with PP who said 6-9 mos is a good time.  
  
  And it's a while off, but I hope your FW surgery goes well!

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• CMGragain member

  

  January 2017

  OurWildKingdom said:

  You are correct, @KahluaKoala.
  
   I can see everyone's points. I just wish I knew what we both really wanted. There's a part of me that wants the private wedding (with or without the celebration of marriage), and a part of me that still wants the big wedding, even though it means saving up for it and waiting. FW wants the private wedding before her surgery. I guess I just need to get that through my head. I don't want to be selfish, but I do want to share our wedding with all the people we love.
  
  Then again, eloping has its appeal. . .

  You have a choice:
  
  1.  Invite people to your wedding ceremony and reception.
  
  2.  Mail people formal wedding announcements after your ceremony has taken place.
  
  That is all.  There is no other way to "include" people in your wedding.  A party at a later time will not be a part of your wedding.  It will simply be a party.  Sorry, but you have to make a decision.  You cannot have it both ways.
  

  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  January 2017

  You both have gone back and forth with wedding plans quite a bit, right? Maybe try thinking about what are the reasons behind wanting a small or private ceremony and the reasons for the bigger celebration and see if you have common ground there? It might help you narrow down exactly what you want in a ceremony. 
  
  But to answer your actual question, Id say 6-9 months otherwise have an anniversary party. 

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• flantastic member

  

  January 2017

  OurWildKingdom said:

  You are correct, @KahluaKoala.
  
   I can see everyone's points. I just wish I knew what we both really wanted. There's a part of me that wants the private wedding (with or without the celebration of marriage), and a part of me that still wants the big wedding, even though it means saving up for it and waiting. FW wants the private wedding before her surgery. I guess I just need to get that through my head. I don't want to be selfish, but I do want to share our wedding with all the people we love.
  
  Then again, eloping has its appeal. . .

  It sounds like you and FW want different things, and this is sort of a compromise... but I'm not sure it'll work out the way you hope in terms of "sharing your wedding." CMG is right that the only real way to do that is to invite people - anything else and people's excitement (yours and theirs) will have moved on/waned a little bit, and there's still liable to be a little of the consolation party feel to some people who were essentially disinvited when it was postponed.
  
  Not to say it won't be a fun party, but if you really want family sharing your wedding, this won't be the same at all.
  

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• mollybarker11 member

  

  January 2017

  southernbelle0915 said:

  Generally, I think around 6 months, 9 at the max. Once you start getting close to a year you may as well have an anniversary party.

  My thoughts exactly. It's never too late to have a party celebrating your marriage. People married 50 years have parties to celebrate it!
  
  I understand "at home receptions" being done within a few months of a destination wedding to celebrate with those who couldn't make the trip, but it makes less sense to have a small wedding and then a bigger party in the same place a little while later.
  
  I'd opt for a small wedding, sharing that day with those closest to you, and then a fabulous anniversary party next year. 
  
  
  Wishing your FI a speedy recovery when the time comes!

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• kahluakoala member

  

  January 2017

  OurWildKingdom said:

  You are correct, @KahluaKoala.
  
   I can see everyone's points. I just wish I knew what we both really wanted. There's a part of me that wants the private wedding (with or without the celebration of marriage), and a part of me that still wants the big wedding, even though it means saving up for it and waiting. FW wants the private wedding before her surgery. I guess I just need to get that through my head. I don't want to be selfish, but I do want to share our wedding with all the people we love.
  
  Then again, eloping has its appeal. . .

  
  Question - does your FW want a private wedding because she wants to do it quickly and before the surgery and you don't have time to plan? Or because she wants a truly private wedding? 
  
  I think people on this board often overestimate how hurt people will be by not being invited to the actual ceremony when it is private / extremely small. Like, I have friends I care very much for, but if that friend chose to have just their immediate family at their ceremony I would understand that I am not an immediate family member and wouldn't think I wasn't "good enough". I am inclined to believe most people feel this way.
  
  I think a celebration of marriage after her surgery is a perfect compromise in your situation if it's what you and FW actually want. I think most people will understand that you wanted to get married pre-surgery in case of complications, but wanted to throw a party after recovery. I can't imagine any side eye for that!

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2017 edited January 2017

  STARMOON44 said:

  If you're having a wedding with guests in the summer, I guess I don't see the need for a bigger "wedding" celebration, especially since you've already cancelled once and then decided not to invite these people to the wedding. Personally, why not just have a party? And invite people to it? 

  This^
  
  

  SaintPaulGal said:

  I know this isn't what you want to hear, but a celebration of marriage party wouldn't make me feel any better about being dis-invited from the real thing.
  
  Standard PPD advice applies, even though I completely understand that what you are describing is not a PPD.  Why have two events when you can just have one?  If you want to get married and you want to celebrate your marriage with these individuals--individuals you already chose to invite to your wedding, I might add--why not just have a ceremony followed by a reception all in one go?

  
  And this^
  
  Why does your FI want to get married before her surgery?  Insurance reasons, or is it truly that she just wants a smaller, private wedding?
  
  If I was originally invited to your wedding before you cancelled it, I'd be bummed at you not inviting me to the new wedding, and I'd probably side eye a Celebration of Marriage Party.
  
  Either wait a year or so and throw an actual anniversary party, or throw a party after your FI's surgery to celebrate her recovery, or just for the hell of it, but don't make it anything about your wedding.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• flantastic member

  

  January 2017

  KahluaKoala said:

  OurWildKingdom said:

  You are correct, @KahluaKoala.
  
   I can see everyone's points. I just wish I knew what we both really wanted. There's a part of me that wants the private wedding (with or without the celebration of marriage), and a part of me that still wants the big wedding, even though it means saving up for it and waiting. FW wants the private wedding before her surgery. I guess I just need to get that through my head. I don't want to be selfish, but I do want to share our wedding with all the people we love.
  
  Then again, eloping has its appeal. . .

  
  Question - does your FW want a private wedding because she wants to do it quickly and before the surgery and you don't have time to plan? Or because she wants a truly private wedding? 
  
  I think people on this board often overestimate how hurt people will be by not being invited to the actual ceremony when it is private / extremely small. Like, I have friends I care very much for, but if that friend chose to have just their immediate family at their ceremony I would understand that I am not an immediate family member and wouldn't think I wasn't "good enough". I am inclined to believe most people feel this way.
  
  I think a celebration of marriage after her surgery is a perfect compromise in your situation if it's what you and FW actually want. I think most people will understand that you wanted to get married pre-surgery in case of complications, but wanted to throw a party after recovery. I can't imagine any side eye for that!

  If I thought I was very close (parents, siblings, some aunts and uncles - you know how they get) I would probably be at least a little sad.
  
  If I were anyone outside the immediate family and either no one or just the immediate family were present, I'd understand totally.
  
  But my excitement about the marriage probably would wane by the time they had a celebration party. Cool, you got married, you didn't invite me and that's fine, happy for you, but I've mostly moved on.

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2017

  KahluaKoala said:

  OurWildKingdom said:

  You are correct, @KahluaKoala.
  
   I can see everyone's points. I just wish I knew what we both really wanted. There's a part of me that wants the private wedding (with or without the celebration of marriage), and a part of me that still wants the big wedding, even though it means saving up for it and waiting. FW wants the private wedding before her surgery. I guess I just need to get that through my head. I don't want to be selfish, but I do want to share our wedding with all the people we love.
  
  Then again, eloping has its appeal. . .

  
  Question - does your FW want a private wedding because she wants to do it quickly and before the surgery and you don't have time to plan? Or because she wants a truly private wedding? 
  
  I think people on this board often overestimate how hurt people will be by not being invited to the actual ceremony when it is private / extremely small. Like, I have friends I care very much for, but if that friend chose to have just their immediate family at their ceremony I would understand that I am not an immediate family member and wouldn't think I wasn't "good enough". I am inclined to believe most people feel this way.
  
  I think a celebration of marriage after her surgery is a perfect compromise in your situation if it's what you and FW actually want. I think most people will understand that you wanted to get married pre-surgery in case of complications, but wanted to throw a party after recovery. I can't imagine any side eye for that!

  This isn't your typical case of a small, private ceremony.
  
  In this case wedding invitations went out to X number of people, then the wedding was cancelled, and now a new wedding is being planned where only some of the original people who received invitations are going to be invited.
  
  So yes, in this case I think people are going to be upset.
  
  What it really boils down to is that OP wants a larger wedding and reception and her FI wants a small, private one, and somehow they are going to have to find a compromise.
  
  But having a Celebration of Marriage Party isn't really going to work if OP really wants these people to be present for her actual wedding.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• lovesclimbing member

  

  January 2017

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  KahluaKoala said:

  OurWildKingdom said:

  You are correct, @KahluaKoala.
  
   I can see everyone's points. I just wish I knew what we both really wanted. There's a part of me that wants the private wedding (with or without the celebration of marriage), and a part of me that still wants the big wedding, even though it means saving up for it and waiting. FW wants the private wedding before her surgery. I guess I just need to get that through my head. I don't want to be selfish, but I do want to share our wedding with all the people we love.
  
  Then again, eloping has its appeal. . .

  
  Question - does your FW want a private wedding because she wants to do it quickly and before the surgery and you don't have time to plan? Or because she wants a truly private wedding? 
  
  I think people on this board often overestimate how hurt people will be by not being invited to the actual ceremony when it is private / extremely small. Like, I have friends I care very much for, but if that friend chose to have just their immediate family at their ceremony I would understand that I am not an immediate family member and wouldn't think I wasn't "good enough". I am inclined to believe most people feel this way.
  
  I think a celebration of marriage after her surgery is a perfect compromise in your situation if it's what you and FW actually want. I think most people will understand that you wanted to get married pre-surgery in case of complications, but wanted to throw a party after recovery. I can't imagine any side eye for that!

  This isn't your typical case of a small, private ceremony.
  
  In this case wedding invitations went out to X number of people, then the wedding was cancelled, and now a new wedding is being planned where only some of the original people who received invitations are going to be invited.
  
  So yes, in this case I think people are going to be upset.
  
  What it really boils down to is that OP wants a larger wedding and reception and her FI wants a small, private one, and somehow they are going to have to find a compromise.
  
  But having a Celebration of Marriage Party isn't really going to work if OP really wants these people to be present for her actual wedding.
  

  The bolded exactly. Although I dislike small/private weddings followed by a large reception or party later, I understand that they are not against etiquette. I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't sideeye them for choosing that if I was only invited to the reception/party. 
  
  In this case, if I had been invited followed by a cancellation and then the wedding got rescheduled and I wasn't invited, I would be disappointed and a little hurt and I'd sideeye that I wasn't invited the second time. I may even begin to question the friendship. 

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• geebee908 member

  

  January 2017

  I think OP and her FW have dug themselves into a bit of a hole in the sense that it looks like they're jerking their previously invited/then not invited guests around with this. I'd advise not having the celebration of marriage party at all and would wait to have an anniversary party a few years down the road. I think a first anniversary party would still be a little to soon for this crowd.
  

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  January 2017

  FW does want to be married before the surgery (not for insurance reasons, but in case something goes wrong). I'm willing to do that, but the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone's feelings.
  
  So it looks like our options are 1) private wedding (as in just us, our officiant, and maybe a photographer) in the near future or 2) wait to have the big wedding.

  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  January 2017 edited January 2017

  IMO - simplify and commit.  Just do both this summer!  I'd rather see the simple cake & punch party or KFC/Subway catering a luncheon at the community center than the hoopla separating it after the fact.   (technically to answer your question, "within a year" but as Larry would say "Get 'er Done!"!!!! for you two LOL)
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2017

  MesmrEwe said:

  IMO - simplify and commit.  Just do both this summer!  I'd rather see the simple cake & punch party or KFC/Subway catering a luncheon at the community center than the hoopla separating it after the fact.   (technically to answer your question, "within a year" but as Larry would say "Get 'er Done!"!!!! for you two LOL)
  

  Dammit, now I want fried chicken.

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• SP29 member

  

  January 2017

  Can you do an afternoon cake and punch reception with all the guests you'd like to invite? Then down the road, if you wanted to have a large anniversary party, you can do that. No worries over hurt feelings and you both get a bit of what you want. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2017

  holyguacamole79 said:

  MesmrEwe said:

  IMO - simplify and commit.  Just do both this summer!  I'd rather see the simple cake & punch party or KFC/Subway catering a luncheon at the community center than the hoopla separating it after the fact.   (technically to answer your question, "within a year" but as Larry would say "Get 'er Done!"!!!! for you two LOL)
  

  Dammit, now I want fried chicken.

  KFC Original Recipe is one of my all-time favorite foods.  I would be in 7th heaven if I attended a reception with KFC chicken and all the yummy sides.

  If my maternal grandpa was still alive, we might have talked my mom into it for my reception, lol.  Growing up, he was my KFC  "partner in crime" for dinners. 
  

  

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• SaintPaulGal member

  

  January 2017

  short+sassy said:

  holyguacamole79 said:

  MesmrEwe said:

  IMO - simplify and commit.  Just do both this summer!  I'd rather see the simple cake & punch party or KFC/Subway catering a luncheon at the community center than the hoopla separating it after the fact.   (technically to answer your question, "within a year" but as Larry would say "Get 'er Done!"!!!! for you two LOL)
  

  Dammit, now I want fried chicken.

  KFC Original Recipe is one of my all-time favorite foods.  I would be in 7th heaven if I attended a reception with KFC chicken and all the yummy sides.

  If my maternal grandpa was still alive, we might have talked my mom into it for my reception, lol.  Growing up, he was my KFC  "partner in crime" for dinners. 
  

  KFC always makes me think of my great-grandpa.  When I was in the single-digits of age he would visit once a year from his home in Illinois and he always came baring a big bucket of KFC.  My family virtually never went out to eat and we never had fried food, so it was a huge treat.  Thanks for the memory!

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