Honoring Loved Ones

mandypants90 · January 2017

I know this might go better under Customs, but this board moves really fast, so I thought I'd try here.
I'm trying to think of a way for FI and I to honor our grandparents, and a cousin that have been departed. It's a head scratcher on how to do it. I know our parents and our aunts and uncles will really appreciate it (it's come up), but I don't want to do anything morbid, or that would upset anyone.

My mom had an idea of at some point at the beginning of the ceremony, maybe laying down a single rose, maybe on the table in front of our unity candle, and then mention a blip about it in our program? I find pictures and empty seats to be a little hard to take, and could be upsetting to some.

Any other ideas? I'm all ears. I know a lot of people use trinkets from loved ones, (cufflinks, lockets, etc) but unfortunately, we do not have any of those.

charlotte989875 · January 2017

mandypants90 said:

I know this might go better under Customs, but this board moves really fast, so I thought I'd try here.
I'm trying to think of a way for FI and I to honor our grandparents, and a cousin that have been departed. It's a head scratcher on how to do it. I know our parents and our aunts and uncles will really appreciate it (it's come up), but I don't want to do anything morbid, or that would upset anyone.

My mom had an idea of at some point at the beginning of the ceremony, maybe laying down a single rose, maybe on the table in front of our unity candle, and then mention a blip about it in our program? I find pictures and empty seats to be a little hard to take, and could be upsetting to some.

Any other ideas? I'm all ears. I know a lot of people use trinkets from loved ones, (cufflinks, lockets, etc) but unfortunately, we do not have any of those.

Are you having a religious ceremony? You could have a prayer for the departed.

Are you against all pictures? We put up wedding pictures of my, and H's, grandparents (all who have passed away) plus my parents and his parents on a table near the cake at the reception. Something nice, but out of the way.

mandypants90 · January 2017

charlotte989875 said:

mandypants90 said:

I know this might go better under Customs, but this board moves really fast, so I thought I'd try here.
I'm trying to think of a way for FI and I to honor our grandparents, and a cousin that have been departed. It's a head scratcher on how to do it. I know our parents and our aunts and uncles will really appreciate it (it's come up), but I don't want to do anything morbid, or that would upset anyone.

My mom had an idea of at some point at the beginning of the ceremony, maybe laying down a single rose, maybe on the table in front of our unity candle, and then mention a blip about it in our program? I find pictures and empty seats to be a little hard to take, and could be upsetting to some.

Any other ideas? I'm all ears. I know a lot of people use trinkets from loved ones, (cufflinks, lockets, etc) but unfortunately, we do not have any of those.

Are you having a religious ceremony? You could have a prayer for the departed.

Are you against all pictures? We put up wedding pictures of my, and H's, grandparents (all who have passed away) plus my parents and his parents on a table near the cake at the reception. Something nice, but out of the way.

Ceremony is going to be pretty secular, though we will have a prayer before dinner. I'm not totally against pictures, and that was actually my first thought, but FI and I have lost a lot of people... my mom was worried it could potentially upset some, or feel awkward. I don't know where I would draw the line with pictures.
But I do like the wedding picture idea. Only problem is that my dad's parents were in a really awful nasty abusive marriage (that she thankfully got out of) so mention of my dad's dad is kinda iffy with him and his siblings. They don't talk about their mom much, (she passed away long before I was born) but I know they still have a fondness for her when they do come up. So I don't know what I'd do with that couple?

Jen4948 · January 2017

You can give them tributes in a wedding program, wear or carry items that they owned or are associated with them, have food, drinks, decorations, readings, or special songs and/or dances dedicated to them, or include photos of them in groupings of family photos.

In order for it not to seem too funereal or bring back bad memories, I would exclude wedding photos and mix photos of both living and deceased loved ones.

charlotte989875 · January 2017

mandypants90 said:

charlotte989875 said:

mandypants90 said:

I know this might go better under Customs, but this board moves really fast, so I thought I'd try here.
I'm trying to think of a way for FI and I to honor our grandparents, and a cousin that have been departed. It's a head scratcher on how to do it. I know our parents and our aunts and uncles will really appreciate it (it's come up), but I don't want to do anything morbid, or that would upset anyone.

My mom had an idea of at some point at the beginning of the ceremony, maybe laying down a single rose, maybe on the table in front of our unity candle, and then mention a blip about it in our program? I find pictures and empty seats to be a little hard to take, and could be upsetting to some.

Any other ideas? I'm all ears. I know a lot of people use trinkets from loved ones, (cufflinks, lockets, etc) but unfortunately, we do not have any of those.

Are you having a religious ceremony? You could have a prayer for the departed.

Are you against all pictures? We put up wedding pictures of my, and H's, grandparents (all who have passed away) plus my parents and his parents on a table near the cake at the reception. Something nice, but out of the way.

Ceremony is going to be pretty secular, though we will have a prayer before dinner. I'm not totally against pictures, and that was actually my first thought, but FI and I have lost a lot of people... my mom was worried it could potentially upset some, or feel awkward. I don't know where I would draw the line with pictures.
But I do like the wedding picture idea. Only problem is that my dad's parents were in a really awful nasty abusive marriage (that she thankfully got out of) so mention of my dad's dad is kinda iffy with him and his siblings. They don't talk about their mom much, (she passed away long before I was born) but I know they still have a fondness for her when they do come up. So I don't know what I'd do with that couple?

Do you have any pictures with her from any of her children's weddings? Maybe a picture with her with the couple? Unless that would make them too sad.

mandypants90 · January 2017

charlotte989875 said:

mandypants90 said:

charlotte989875 said:

mandypants90 said:

I know this might go better under Customs, but this board moves really fast, so I thought I'd try here.
I'm trying to think of a way for FI and I to honor our grandparents, and a cousin that have been departed. It's a head scratcher on how to do it. I know our parents and our aunts and uncles will really appreciate it (it's come up), but I don't want to do anything morbid, or that would upset anyone.

My mom had an idea of at some point at the beginning of the ceremony, maybe laying down a single rose, maybe on the table in front of our unity candle, and then mention a blip about it in our program? I find pictures and empty seats to be a little hard to take, and could be upsetting to some.

Any other ideas? I'm all ears. I know a lot of people use trinkets from loved ones, (cufflinks, lockets, etc) but unfortunately, we do not have any of those.

Are you having a religious ceremony? You could have a prayer for the departed.

Are you against all pictures? We put up wedding pictures of my, and H's, grandparents (all who have passed away) plus my parents and his parents on a table near the cake at the reception. Something nice, but out of the way.

Ceremony is going to be pretty secular, though we will have a prayer before dinner. I'm not totally against pictures, and that was actually my first thought, but FI and I have lost a lot of people... my mom was worried it could potentially upset some, or feel awkward. I don't know where I would draw the line with pictures.
But I do like the wedding picture idea. Only problem is that my dad's parents were in a really awful nasty abusive marriage (that she thankfully got out of) so mention of my dad's dad is kinda iffy with him and his siblings. They don't talk about their mom much, (she passed away long before I was born) but I know they still have a fondness for her when they do come up. So I don't know what I'd do with that couple?

Do you have any pictures with her from any of her children's weddings? Maybe a picture with her with the couple? Unless that would make them too sad.

She passed before any of them could get married unfortunately.

I do know that somewhere I have a beautiful picture of her in a prom dress.

CMGragain · January 2017

I think the more subtle the remembrance, the better. I advise against any photos. Often, we suggest that the bride carry a small token from her loved ones, maybe within her bouquet.
I think you Mom's idea about placing a rose in front of the unity candle is fine, but I would skip the explanation in the program., or you could simply print "The rose is in memory of our loved ones who have passed away" without being specific.
I come from a drama family. Any mention of a deceased relative would set someone off - usually my mother. You don't need that at your wedding.

SP29 · January 2017

I think place a rose (or roses) on a table in front of the unity candle would be appropriate. You could do it as part of your ceremony and have the officiant say, "The B&G would like to place a rose at the unity candle in honour of those who could not be here with us today"- or something like that.

It's simple, you've acknowledge these people (whom you will be thinking about as you do it), but you aren't stating names so no there is no comparison/drama over who was or wasn't acknowledged.

The only thing I wouldn't do is where you sometimes see a rose left on an empty chair, or picture of the person on an empty chair. Too much.

Casadena · January 2017

we had a blurb on the back of our programs that said something like "as we begin our lives together we'd like to take time to remember all our loved ones, especially NAMES who could not be here to take part in this joyous occasion". It mentioned the few specific people, but was not over the top (in my opinion).

I also like PP's suggestion of a simple rose at the unity candle ceremony in memory of thing.

holyguacamole79 · January 2017

mandypants90 said:
She passed before any of them could get married unfortunately. I do know that somewhere I have a beautiful picture of her in a prom dress.

How about something like this?

Image: https://img1.etsystatic.com/010/0/7911928/il_340x270.440594067_ku7t.jpg

cowgirl8238 · January 2017

CMGragain said:

I think the more subtle the remembrance, the better. I advise against any photos. Often, we suggest that the bride carry a small token from her loved ones, maybe within her bouquet.
I think you Mom's idea about placing a rose in front of the unity candle is fine, but I would skip the explanation in the program., or you could simply print "The rose is in memory of our loved ones who have passed away" without being specific.
I come from a drama family. Any mention of a deceased relative would set someone off - usually my mother. You don't need that at your wedding.

THIS

I agree that less is more. All we did was include a little blurb in our program about "those who could not be here with us today" I felt that it honored not just the people that were passed, but also those that couldn't travel, etc...

Outside of the rose I would only incorporate things that are meaningful to you/your family without making a point of it, (like favorite song, drink, flower or whatever). That way YOU know your giving them a nod, but it doesn't take away from the happy vibe of the wedding.

ETF: Spelling Fail!

MissKittyDanger · January 2017

What we did to honour loved ones was have a couple photos by the guest book. People who came knew prior to it about those people. There were others we had lost, but didn't want to overwhelm the table so we ensured there was lots of photos in a slideshow that played on loop.

We didn't have a religious ceremony, so that's just another take.

ahoywedding · January 2017

As a guest, I would rather see a small trinket-type thing, a favorite song, drink, or the flower in front of the unity candle instead of photos. Even small "memorial" photo displays tend to seem a bit....sad...for a wedding. One wedding had a candle near the guest book with some little saying about how they were thinking of those who couldn't be there or something, which was sweet. I've thought about trying to incorporate my grandmother's favorite flowers into my bouquet, things like that.

debbeau · February 2017

We had a candle with the names of our deceased loved ones with a small floral arrangement on a table. My husband lost 2 sisters 6 months before the wedding and my MOH lost her husband the year before. We wanted to honor them without getting people upset.

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