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Etiquette

How to word...

Hello, 
  My finace's mom passed away and he is not close with his father. He has a family (unrelated) that has been like his family since he was a young adult. They are acting as the parents of the groom (supporting us, paying for the rehearsal dinner...) I am wondering how to word them in the program? Any suggestions? (parents of the groom? acting parents of the groom?) Any ideas are welcome! 

Re: How to word...

  • Hello, 
      My finace's mom passed away and he is not close with his father. He has a family (unrelated) that has been like his family since he was a young adult. They are acting as the parents of the groom (supporting us, paying for the rehearsal dinner...) I am wondering how to word them in the program? Any suggestions? (parents of the groom? acting parents of the groom?) Any ideas are welcome! 

    What do you mean by "supporting us."  I don't think that there is a need to word them in the program, as it doesn't seem like that they are part of the wedding party.  If you must say something, maybe a little blurb where you thank friends and family for their love and support in a generic fashion.
    SP29
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello, 
      My finace's mom passed away and he is not close with his father. He has a family (unrelated) that has been like his family since he was a young adult. They are acting as the parents of the groom (supporting us, paying for the rehearsal dinner...) I am wondering how to word them in the program? Any suggestions? (parents of the groom? acting parents of the groom?) Any ideas are welcome! 


    First, if you post to multiple boards (which isn't really necessary as most active posters go from board to board), please put XP in the title.

    For your question, I would just put Parents of Groom and list their names.  Parents of the Groom doesn't have to be the family tree.

    I would put a memorial section in the program and list MIL there. 

    FIL had passed prior to me meeting H.  We did not list him in the program with the rest of the parents.  We had a special memorial section and put his name there.

    thefanciestbecklerSP29Jen4948
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    Hello, 
      My finace's mom passed away and he is not close with his father. He has a family (unrelated) that has been like his family since he was a young adult. They are acting as the parents of the groom (supporting us, paying for the rehearsal dinner...) I am wondering how to word them in the program? Any suggestions? (parents of the groom? acting parents of the groom?) Any ideas are welcome! 
    I think "acting parents of the groom" will rub many people the wrong way.  I wouldn't like it.  Unless they have adopted him, they are not his parents.  They are not acting as his parents, either.  They are generously hosting the rehearsal dinner.  This can be done by anyone.

    I suggest an "in memory" for his late mother.  If his father is coming to the wedding, he should be identified as "Father of the groom".  If he isn't coming, then he doesn't need to be on the program at all.
    You can honor his friends (This is what they really are.) with a special toast at the reception.  If you must put their names in your program , then "Special friends" covers it.


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29STARMOON44
  • Friends of the Groom, Close Friends of the Groom, or Special Friends of the Groom.

    I understand these people are [i]like[/i] parents to him, but it would be very strange to call them his parents in your program. If it has a memorial section his late mother should be listed there. If he is estranged from his father it does not need to list him at all.

    SP29STARMOON44
  • It's important to recognize the appreciation towards them because even though he's not close to his father, he's still his father and presuming still around/invited so need to keep some diplomacy.  One way might be "Adopted" Parents of the Groom as they aren't formal parents but they're like parents and not just friends.  Sort of like a friend's wife jokes I'm her husband's "powerlifting wife" term of endearment.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    MesmrEwe said:
    It's important to recognize the appreciation towards them because even though he's not close to his father, he's still his father and presuming still around/invited so need to keep some diplomacy.  One way might be "Adopted" Parents of the Groom as they aren't formal parents but they're like parents and not just friends.  Sort of like a friend's wife jokes I'm her husband's "powerlifting wife" term of endearment.  
    "Special Friends" or "Special Guests" is appropriate. "Adopted" is not, because that suggests that these people adopted him when they did not.

    Honestly, not every close emotional relationship needs to be spelled out. It can be cutesy, TMI, offensive and/or all three. In every one of those cases it's off-putting.
    STARMOON44
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    MesmrEwe said:
    It's important to recognize the appreciation towards them because even though he's not close to his father, he's still his father and presuming still around/invited so need to keep some diplomacy.  One way might be "Adopted" Parents of the Groom as they aren't formal parents but they're like parents and not just friends.  Sort of like a friend's wife jokes I'm her husband's "powerlifting wife" term of endearment.  
    I disagree.  This would be insulting to parents who legally adopted children.  The place to recognize them is at the rehearsal dinner, which they are hosting, and then at the reception.  They are not "parents".
    The word "friend" can have many deep meanings.  I had a dear friend who was my mother's age.  She took one look at my DH and said, "This one is not for fooling around with.  This one is not for jumping into bed with.  This one, you marry!"  She gave me the advice my mother SHOULD have given me.  Yes, she was at my wedding!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44SP29
  • MesmrEwe said:
    Sort of like a friend's wife jokes I'm her husband's "powerlifting wife" term of endearment.  
    I get what you mean, but "adoptive parent" is not comparable. "Powerlifting wife" is clearly a fun/silly made-up term, whereas adoptive parents are a real thing so it'd just be confusing as well as inaccurate.

    OliveOilsMomSP29
  • There is no need to list a family tree in the program, nor a reason to list everyone who contributed to your lives or the wedding.

    If they are part of the processional you can list them as friends, and add an adjective like others suggested, or perhaps "Dear friends of the groom", etc. 

    Otherwise, I'd simply add a statement of thanks to them in the programming. Something like "Special thanks for all the love and support from Jane Smith and John Smith, parents of the bride, and Joe Johnson and Mary Brown, dear friends of the groom". 
    CMGragainSP29
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