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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
Who's a good girl?
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend loves me, is unfailingly kind, self-identifies as a feminist, and is always interested in and supportive of my academic work. Here’s the weird part: He says “good girl” to me, usually when I’ve done something to take care of myself, like put my glasses on when my eyes are tired, or get to sleep and wake up at a reasonable hour. We live together and I adore him, and honestly, I like the “good girl” thing, at least to some extent. I am an approval-craving person, by nature and even though I don’t need it, I love to be validated. I wouldn’t want him to say it in front of anyone but I do feel guilty, because liking it makes me feel like I’m some kind of sick, weird throwback or that he is. (He doesn’t say it in bed; it’s not a sex thing.) What do you think? Is it a warning sign? Is it OK?
—The Good Girl
My boyfriend loves me, is unfailingly kind, self-identifies as a feminist, and is always interested in and supportive of my academic work. Here’s the weird part: He says “good girl” to me, usually when I’ve done something to take care of myself, like put my glasses on when my eyes are tired, or get to sleep and wake up at a reasonable hour. We live together and I adore him, and honestly, I like the “good girl” thing, at least to some extent. I am an approval-craving person, by nature and even though I don’t need it, I love to be validated. I wouldn’t want him to say it in front of anyone but I do feel guilty, because liking it makes me feel like I’m some kind of sick, weird throwback or that he is. (He doesn’t say it in bed; it’s not a sex thing.) What do you think? Is it a warning sign? Is it OK?
—The Good Girl
Re: Who's a good girl?
However, if LW likes it, doesn't feel demeaned, and is comfortable with the dynamics of their relationship, then cool. You do you.
The feeling guilty part might be a red flag, but it could also be that she feels like she's supposed to be uncomfortable with this, and feeling guilty that she likes it?
Now my H rapping under his breath to the point I think he is talking to me or answering a question, that will educe rage.
I would HATE this. I'd end a relationship over it.
But @charlotte989875's got it covered as far as actual advice to the LW goes.
No idea if it's a warning sign of anything (he may not even be aware of what he's saying), but it's so weirdly patronizing and borderline controlling that I'd be getting the hell outta Dodge if it were me. It isn't, so LW should do LW.
......
But seriously, how does this conversation even go? "Honey, my eyes were tired so I swapped out my contacts for my glasses. Thought you ought to know." "Good girl."
Honestly, I can't hear this in any voice but the one we use with the dogs.
ETF word
I think if I said this, I would be sarcastic about it.
^^ That's all I could think of with the subject line
I think Charlotte nailed it. The only red flag would be if she asked him to stop and he didn't, IMO.
That would be my dream job, lol.
My H says "good girl" to me occasionally. It's fine, though I can't think of an example. And I think it would start to bother me if it was a lot, instead of occasional.
But then, I call myself a "good girl" sometimes. Half joking. Like I'll come home from work and announce, "I was a good girl today! I did x, y, z." Or similar with the word "wife" like, "Look what a good wife I am, I brought home Banh Mis for dinner!"
I think the LW is looking for problems where there isn't one. Sure, understandably a lot of women would find that creepy. But she doesn't. She likes that he calls her "good girl". I'm sure he picks up that she likes that. So he continues to do it and might have even started doing it more often, because it pleases her. Sounds like a "good boy" to me.
She should start saying "good boy" back to him whenever he does something.
H: "I put the dishes in the dishwasher."
Me: "Good boy!"
If my husband ever said "good girl" to me seriously, I'd be weirded out. If I were LW, I'd be asking why he's saying that.
And eta, no one says good girl to me, not even in a scene.
It wouldn't work for me, but that's why people don't run their relationships by committee.
I have seen this billboard every morning on my commute to work this month. I had to snap a photo this am (DH was driving since we carpool).
-I agree with others, if it works for them I don't see an issue. I kind of wonder if it does bother the LW a little but though since she did write in to Prudie.
You know, I have never really noticed that part? I usually just make a joke to my DH about him having to buy me diamonds. Which is typically followed by eye rolling. That one on the right will change monthly but is still sponsored by the same jewelry company.
Last month the billboard said something like "Buy her what she deserves" to which his response was "The only thing I'll give you is a pearl necklace!" He got 'the look' for that one. But it is a running joke between us (never anything mean).
There is a Family Guy scene, that My H and I were dying of laughter over the first time we saw it. At the time, there was a jewelry store commercial where it was the head shadows of a man/woman. He gives her a ring case and you see her shadow give him a hug (something like that). With a caption under it that said (I think), "Diamonds...make two month's salary last forever".
In the Family Guy version, the first part of the commercial is the same, but then the woman's head "mysteriously" ducks down. With a caption that said, "Diamonds...she'll pretty much have to."
We have made that joke more times than I can count! I love Family Guy, lol!
It's Jenny Trout, the Boss series, mainly. I try out some others, but usually don't do so well.