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Etiquette

are rehearsal dinner/brunch invitations included with the wedding invitations?

penguinpoppenguinpop member
Tenth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
edited February 2017 in Etiquette
We are getting ready to print invitations.

The majority of guests are out of town. Are the invitations to the oot/rehearsal dinner and brunch to be included with the wedding invite for those guests?  Do we include RSVP information for all 3 events on the same response card?
Or is this a separate invitation?

If they aren't supposed to be included, is the brunch and rehearsal dinner included in the same invitation, or are they both separate since the same guests would be invited to both?

edit: Just to clarify, ILs are hosting the rehearsal dinner. We may have up to 100 out of town guests who my ILs are more than willing to invite to this dinner but we definitely need a head count for caterers and word of mouth isn't really an option.

Re: are rehearsal dinner/brunch invitations included with the wedding invitations?

  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    You aren't really required to have all of your OOT guests invited to the rehearsal dinner. If that's something y'all are doing just because you want to, awesome! Just know that it isn't an etiquette blunder to keep the guest list for that strictly limited to people who will actually be at the rehearsal (plus their SO's). 

    Hopefully I didn't make some huge error in doing this, but I didn't send formal invitations out for my rehearsal dinner. I made a point to let everyone who was invited know what the plans were. We didn't have a brunch, but I'd think word of mouth would be acceptable for that as well. 

    Edited for clarity 

    CMGragaincowgirl8238
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    Who is hosting the rehearsal dinner?  You?  Your FILS?  (That is traditional, but not required.) 
    Most rehearsal dinners are word of mouth invitations, but if written invitations are sent, they are sent by the hosts of the dinner and would be sent separately from your wedding invitation.
    Have you checked your invitation wording on the Invitations board?  Not a bad idea if you haven't printed them already.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • DD's ILs hosted the rehearsal dinner. They sent a separate written invitation. I think word of mouth for the brunch is fine if you don't need a head count. If you need a head count, an invitation with rsvp would work. I have seen suites of invitations that include all pre-wedding activities included (only people who are invited to the activities get the specific ones).
  • My FILs are hosting the rehearsal dinner, and we're inviting all OOT family. FMIL wanted to order invites for the dinner, and we just included them in the same envelope with the wedding invites. The rehearsal dinner invites had her name, email & phone number and directions to RSVP to her. 

    We're also hosting a casual day after open house. I printed up an invite for that using a template I got on Etsy and some cardstock, and included that in the same envelope. I don't care how many people come to the day after (we invited all OOT guests) so I didn't put RSVP info on that one. People have been letting us know as we talk to them if they aren't coming, so we have a basic idea of how much food, etc we need. If you DO need a headcount, maybe throw your email & phone on that invite for RSVPs. 

    Neither situation seems like one that requires formal RSVP cards though.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    A friend of the family sent a packet that included her wedding invitation, RD and day after Brunch invitations. All the pieces matched and were inserted into a folder. That must have costed a small fortune to print all that stuff and mail it. As a guest, I really appreciated having all the info handy, though. 

    Traditional etiquette dictates that each invitation should be mailed in it's own envelope, but if your FILs are okay with you including the RD invitation with your wedding stuff, go for it. The hosts for each event should be named on the appropriate invitations.  
                       
    SP29
  • penguinpoppenguinpop member
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited February 2017
    ILs are hosting the rehearsal dinner. We may have up to 100 out of town guests who my ILs are more than willing to invite to this dinner but we definitely need a head count for caterers and word of mouth isn't really an option.



  • While I personally see no issue in including all of the information in a single envelope I do wonder if people may get confused and/or only RSVP to one of the events.  As a guest I would not be expecting an invitation to a "rehearsal" dinner and would probably overlook the fact that it is requiring an RSVP.

    I guess my question is a bit two fold.  What are you calling your pre-wedding dinner? and How obvious it is that people will have to RSVP separately to that event AND your wedding? 

    Since your rehearsal dinner requires a separate RSVP, I would be inclined to mail this out separately to all your guests.  Hopefully that will help to highlight the need to RSVP to the event.  Of course, you know your crowd best and if a hosted night before dinner with RSVPs is typical you may be fine.  I would just be prepared to do some calling and checking on who is or isn't coming and/or be prepared for guests that failed to RSVP at the dinner.

    As to the morning after brunch, this is also typically spread via word of mouth, but I would just slip this into the invitations (or any welcome bags at the hotel if you're making them).  I am under the impression that this does not require an RSVP either.  If for some reason it does require a response, maybe one master response card would be easiest for the guests.

  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    ILs are hosting the rehearsal dinner. We may have up to 100 out of town guests who my ILs are more than willing to invite to this dinner but we definitely need a head count for caterers and word of mouth isn't really an option.



    We also have about 100 OOT family  members. FI's family expected an invite to the rehearsal dinner. My family didn't, so I sent them all an email before I mailed the actual invites to give them an advanced heads up if anyone was looking into travel options. Then we printed rehearsal dinner invites and added FMIL's contact information and instructions to RSVP to her. 

    So far no one has been confused. We've gotten almost all of our RSVPs back already, and people have at least emailed FMIL to let them know they're still working out travel plans, etc and to RSVP.

    This may be a know your crowd thing. If you have a lot of family who isn't tech savvy or doesn't want to email, maybe you need a separate RSVP card. If they would be confused by all the invites in the same envelope, you may need to send them separately. 
  • Night-before dinner: In-Laws send invitations, RSVPs go to them.

    Wedding: You send the invitations, RSVPs go to you.

    Morning-after brunch: Who is hosting? Is the guest the same as the dinner or the same as the wedding? Is a headcount required? I don't think there needs to be a separate mailout for this event but there are many different ways they could be included with one of the other two invitation packages depending on the above details.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    ILs are hosting the rehearsal dinner. We may have up to 100 out of town guests who my ILs are more than willing to invite to this dinner but we definitely need a head count for caterers and word of mouth isn't really an option.



    They should send out the invitation separately, and keep count of Rsvps themselves, since they are the hosts.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Because these are separate events, separate invitations should be sent.

    I don't think it's a "bad" thing to include the separate invitations in one envelope, but I think it could be confusing for your guests.

    And since your ILs are hosting the RD, this should definitely be a separate invitation/envelope. Technically a guest would RSVP to the person who sent the invitation, so if you mail out wedding invites, unless you are going to provide detailed contact information for your ILs on the RD invite, it would be confusing about who to RSVP to. I was going to say, if you are hosting both the wedding and post brunch, sure, send those together, but I think it is still potentially confusing as guests may not be sure if your RSVP card is for one or both events.
  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited February 2017
    SP29 said:
    I was going to say, if you are hosting both the wedding and post brunch, sure, send those together, but I think it is still potentially confusing as guests may not be sure if your RSVP card is for one or both events.
    I have seen templates with multiple events listed on the RSVP card.


    That is my suggestion for the following scenarios:
    - In-laws are hosting brunch AND guest list is the same as the dinner (ie just family/WP/OOTers).
    - OP is hosting brunch AND guest list is the same as the wedding (ie everyone).
    In either of those scenarios, the invitation package would include both events and there would be one RSVP card for guests to mail back.

    It's trickier if the person hosting the brunch has two diffierent guest lists for their two events (ie FILs are hosting & brunch is for everyone or OP is hosting & brunch is for family/WP/OOTers only). That would require either two RSVP cards for crossover guests or a separate joint version of an RSVP card for crossover guests.

    Of course this is all under the assumption that they need a headcount for the brunch.

    SP29sparklepants41
  • SP29 said:
    I was going to say, if you are hosting both the wedding and post brunch, sure, send those together, but I think it is still potentially confusing as guests may not be sure if your RSVP card is for one or both events.
    I have seen templates with multiple events listed on the RSVP card.


    That is my suggestion for the following scenarios:
    - In-laws are hosting brunch AND guest list is the same as the dinner (ie just family/WP/OOTers).
    - OP is hosting brunch AND guest list is the same as the wedding (ie everyone).
    In either of those scenarios, the invitation package would include both events and there would be one RSVP card for guests to mail back.

    It's trickier if the person hosting the brunch has two diffierent guest lists for their two events (ie FILs are hosting & brunch is for everyone or OP is hosting & brunch is for family/WP/OOTers only). That would require either two RSVP cards for crossover guests or a separate joint version of an RSVP card for crossover guests.

    Of course this is all under the assumption that they need a headcount for the brunch.
    Agreed you could do something like this, but would only work if your guest list for all 3 events are the same. Otherwise, you are printing multiple RSVP cards.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • We sent separate invites for the rehearsal dinner, and had the RSVP by phone/email instead of a response card (more like if you were throwing a shower or  birthday party). The wedding invites had the typical response card.

    I've never seen a separate invite for a day-after-brunch. I'd include that info on your website if you have it, spread by word of mouth, and/or if you have an insert in the main invite for information you could include it there. This is of course assuming everyone is invited to the brunch and you don't need RSVPs. 
  • Since FILs are hosting the RD, they should send out invites. 
    Our planner worked with FILs to put together a nice paperless post e-vite, which they sent to my Mom and I to 'approve'. 
    They then switched the site to send the evite thru and it had a link after you checked yes/no to buy us gifts! (Not linked to our registry, whew, but still awful and humiliating)
    Worst part was, there were automatic follow up emails sent to those who RSVP'd yes reminding them to send gifts
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