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Etiquette

Mother of the Groom Dress

Hi everyone - I'm genuinely not sure of tradition or etiquette on this front so I'm asking just in case! (plus you guys seem kind, firm, and reasonable unlike other forums, but that's a different story)

I had a conversation with my FMIL and it seemed like she wanted me to tell her what color/style to wear. Maybe I misinterpreted the conversation, because I didn't think it was my realm to even suggest anything.

Even if it was, I genuinely don't care and I want her to wear whatever she feels comfortable in. I think I'm going to have FH casually ask so nothing gets taken the wrong way, but I'm still curious if the bride guiding the mothers' outfits is a thing anywhere.

Hope this makes sense, thank you guys! 

Re: Mother of the Groom Dress

  • "The only thing I request is your train not be longer than mine!" - jk..  what the others said is good - having a general idea of "these are the BM dresses, my gown is (formal level)" is likely what she's wanting to find out so she's at the "level" of the wedding (think going to an event that you don't know how formal/informal or Casual vs. casual it's going to be and asking)..  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    short+sassy
  • Agree with PPs. Just tell her to wear something she loves and feels good in but let her know the formality of the wedding. I personally would hate to show up in a short dress with the entire WP and MOB in a formal gown and vice versa.
  • My MIL needed guidance. She's not the type of person who participates in many social occasions. She wasn't accepting of most of the advice above, she really wanted to "fit in" and wanted more direction. My mom and I ended up going shopping together with her, looking for dresses for the both of them (even though my mom already had a dress in mind, she just went along with it so my MIL would feel comfortable). 

    My MIL got to the store early and had been walking around, and turns out she was originally looking in the casual dress department, not the formal dress department. Honestly I think she would have been pretty embarrassed if she had showed up in a dress far more casual than anyone else, so I'm glad we were able to help her. We were also able to mention that that type of dress would be appropriate for the rehearsal dinner...otherwise I'm pretty sure she may have showed up in jeans and sneakers and a turtleneck at the rehearsal dinner where everyone else was dressed up, and again felt embarrassed. 
    ILoveBeachMusicCasadenashort+sassy
  • You are right OP- your FMIL can and should dress herself in whatever she is comfortable with.

    However, some people just need to KNOW what the style is what others are wearing. As above, you could tell her what your wedding colours are and the style of dresses your BMs and Mom are wearing (i.e. floor length gowns vs. knee length cocktail dresses).
    OurWildKingdom
  • If it will help your FMIL, you could tell her a bit about what your mom is wearing so that she can be on the same page with length, formality, etc. You can't tell her exactly what to wear, but it's totally okay to offer a little guidance if she wants it. Beyond that, though, let her wear whatever color/style she likes. 

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    OurWildKingdomCMGragainSP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    Traditionally, the MOB chose her dress and then the MOG would ask her what she was wearing, and match the length and formality level.  This is no longer done, but your FMIL might be aware of the older custom.  I vote getting together with your MOM and FMIL for coffee and shopping.  It might ease your FMIL's anxiety.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomsparklepants41MesmrEwe
  • CMGragain said:
    Traditionally, the MOB chose her dress and then the MOG would ask her what she was wearing, and match the length and formality level.  This is no longer done, but your FMIL might be aware of the older custom.  I vote getting together with your MOM and FMIL for coffee and shopping.  It might ease your FMIL's anxiety.
    My MIL was adamant that she and my mom follow this rule...then when my mom bought a knee-length (but very nice) dress, MIL went out a bought a full length beaded backless gown in a super bright color!  LOL.  

    I agree with all the the advice above, she might have an idea of what she's "supposed" to do, but offering advice and guidance is great!
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • My FMIL wanted to know the colors of the BM dresses and what my mom was wearing so she didn't stick out OR end up in the same color as the BMs or my mom. She took pictures of a few options she liked and then asked my opinion. I did give her my thoughts but told her ultimately it was more important she was comfortable. She was also really hung up on the fact that I think the MOG is traditionally supposed to wear beige or some equally horrid color that looks good on no one. I told her don't worry about that and get a color she may wear again or knows she looks good in.
    SP29sparklepants41
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